“A mechanic,
an engineer and a computer scientist are travelling together in a car, when the motor suddenly fails. The mechanic and engineer
each try various techniques to restart the car... "Pump the accelerator a couple
of times", says the mechanic. "No," replies the engineer, "turn
the ignition key without touching the pedal..." The car refuses to start. After the failure of several more attempts, the computer
scientist confidently announced his solution. "Let's all get out of the car,
then get back in."
“Why did the
golfer wear two pairs of trousers? “
In case he got
a 'hole in one'!
“A patient walks
into the doctors office and says doctor I have pain anywhere I touch my body with
my finger! The doctor says that’s unusual. So he tell her to touch her arm with
her finger and she screams in pain. He tells her to touch her foot with her finger
she yells in agony He tells her to touch her leg with her finger and
she screams. The doctor then goes to the
patient and says just as as I though your finger is broken!”
“Did you hear
about the scarecrow that won a Nobel prize?”
He was out, standing in his field.
“What's red and
invisible?
No tomatoes
“Why has Edward
Woodward got so many 'D's in his name?”
Because otherwise he'd be called Ewer Woo war
"That’s funny reptile you have what’s its name?"
"Tiny"
"Why do you call it Tiny" "Because he is My Newt"
“Newspaper Reports
say a toilet has been stolen. Polices say they have nothing to go on”
“Police were
called to a Pizza Hut in Leeds at the weekend after the body of a worker was found
covered in mushrooms, onions, ham and cheese. A police spokesman said that the cause
of death had not been established, but there was a strong possibility that the man
had topped himself “
“How do you get
four elephants into a Mini?”
Two in the front,
two in the back.
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