One penguin says
to another, You look like you're wearing a tux.
The second penguin
replies, "Who says I'm not?
What? s brown
and sticky?
A Stick
Why do elephants
put cats up in their navels?
So they can eat
French fries while lying on their backs.
A horse walks
in to a bar. The bartender says: "Why the long face?
This chap lives
alone and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company. The pet shop owner
suggested an unusual pet, a talking millipede. "OK," thought the man,
"I'll give it a go..." So he bought a millipede, took it home, nd for
lack of advance preparations, made it a temporary home in a cardboard box. That
evening testing his new pet, he leaned over the closed box and said, "I'm going
to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?" He waited a few moments but
there was no reply. He tried again, "Hey, millipede, wanna come to the boozer
with me???" Again, no response. Disgusted by his gullible nature, he decided
to give it one more try before returning the millipede to the pet shop. So he got
real close to the box and repeated rather loudly ,"I SAID I'M GOING TO THE
PUB FOR A DRINK. DO YOU WANNA COME?" "i heard you the first time!!"
snapped the millipede, "I'm just putting my bloody shoes on.
A Buddhist walks
up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything.
Did you hear
about the farmer who won the Nobel Prize for being outstanding in his field?
What do you call
a donkey with 3 legs?
A Wonky
Two drunks are
sitting at a bar. The first one says, “What's this thing that they call a
'Breathalyzer'?
The second guy
says, "It's a bag that can tell how much you drank." The first guy says,
"I married one of those things years ago.
News Flash from
Chicago: Man found face down in bathtub full of milk and corn flakes with banana
in rear! Police looking for cereal killer.
what is the
sleepiest fish?
A kipper
Why are seagulls
called seagulls?
Because if they
flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What's brown
and sticky?
Ans: A stick.
2 cows are in
a field. The first cow says "hmm I feel a little bit sick" the second
cow replies "Shut up! Or you'll get
us both killed!
Shakespeare
walks into a pub. The bloke behind the counter says, "I'm not serving you
mate --‐ you're Bard.
Where do horses
go when they are injured or hurt?
The Hospital
What do you call
a Swiss Financier on the Paris Underground?
A metronome
A group of astronaughts
are on the moon. They've been mining the surface, andhave discovered that it really
is made of cheese. One particular area of
heese that they're quite interested in is a large vein of brie, and they've
already been there twice, nd collected samples to be returned to mission control. All
of a sudden, the radio crackles into life: "Mission control to
cheese--‐base--‐one --‐ we need you to get a third load of that brie!" But
the astronaughts are unhappy with the idea. They try to come up with all sorts of
excuses why they shouldn't dig any more... "It'll spoil the environment if
we take too much. We don't want to leave this place looking bad... "After all
--‐ have you ever seen such a site in your life as brie mined thrice?
Where does a
King keep his armies?
In his sleeves
Why did the chicken cross the road?” To show the
possum hat it COULD be done.
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