Two ducks were
sitting in a pond, one of the ducks said "Quack" The other duck said "I
was going to say that!
Craig David ,Shaggy
and Britney Spears wre stuck in an elevator when they smelled something like rotten
eggs, Craig David said "I'm walkin ' away ",Shaggy said "it wasn't
me" and Britney Spears said "Oops I did it again
What's black
and white and black and white and black and white?
A Penguin rolling down a hill.
What do you get
when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all
over Australia!!
What's black
and white and laughing?
The Penguin that pushed him.
Who won the boxing
match between the beaver and the hedgehog?
The hedgehog,
on points.”
What did the
small rug say to the large rug?
cover me I'm
cold.
A man was walking
in the park when he came across a koala .He took it to the policeman and sid "i've
found this koala what should I do with him" The policeman said ,"take
him to the zoo" The next day the policeman was walking in the same park when
he saw the same man with the same koala.
He said , "didn't I tell you to take that koala to the zoo?" "Yes",
The man answered, that's what I did and today I'm taking him to the movies.
Old lady knocks
down a cat as she drives along the main street a police man comes along as she drives
off. He calls" hey you can't leave that lying there. She calls back that’s
not a lion it's a cat.
Did you hear
about the Ice Cream Sales man that was found dead in his store covered in chocolate
sauce and syrup?
Police think
he topped himself!
How do telephones
get married?
They just give each other a ring.
What is black
and white and eats like a horse?
A Zebra
Did you hear
about the Buddhist monk who refused to have his mouth frozen when he went to the
dentist? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A man is sat
at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets up and answers
the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says "can
I sell you some double glazing." To which the man replies "no" and
kicks him down the street. Two weeks later there is another knock at the door. The
man answers it and it is the snail again. The snail then say "what did you
do that for then." “There were two cows
in ailed. One said "moo", the other
one said "I was going to say that!
A man had a dog called Minton. One day Minton ate
two shuttle cocks. When the owner found out he said bad Minton!
A long time ago,
there were 3 little, bears.....now there's lots of them
Patient: "Doctor,
Doctor I think I'm a pair of curtains." Doctor: "Pull yourself together
man.
How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.
What lies on
the bottom of the ocean and quivers?
Am nervous wreck.
A bunch of highland
cow are standing in a field in Scotland. Which one's on holiday?
The one with
the wee calf!
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