A mushroom walks
into a bar. The bartender says to the mushroom. "Hey we don't serve your kind
here." The mushroom says "why not I'm a fun guy
What do you tell
a mathematician on a Saturday night ?
Don't drink and
derive.
There were three
guys. They each were asked to name something green, pink and yellow. The first guy
said "my shirt is green my tie is pink and my pants are yellow". The second
guy said "the grass is green, the sun is yellow and my door is pink."
The third guy said "the
Phone goes 'green
green', I pink it up and say 'yellow.
What did the
mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? "Close the door! Can't you see I'm
dressing?
A PROFESSOR WAS
GIVING ONE OF HIS LECTURES. IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS LECTURE A STUDENT WROTE 'FOOL'
ON A SLIP OF PAPER. HE THREW IT AT THE PROFESSOR. THE PROFESSOR STOPPED HIS LECTURE
AND TAKING THE SLIP IN HIS HAND HE SAID 'WHICH OF THE GENTLEMAN HERE HAS SENT ME
HIS VISITING CARD?
A white horse
goes into a pub and orders a drink. The publican says, "Here, we've got a drink
named after you!" The horse says, "What, Eric?
PATIENT..Doctor
people keep ignoring me. DOCTOR...Next please.
A mother‐in‐law
sent two ties to her son‐in‐law. Some weeks later, she was invited for lunch, and
so he wore one of them in the hope of pleasing her. The meal was a tense and uncomfortable
one, with the Mother‐in-law maintaining a stony silence. Finally she spoke. "Alright,
what's wrong with the other tie.
What's the difference
between a buffalo and a bison?
You can't wash
your hands in a buffalo.
What did the
orange say to the banana on the street corner?
Hi
Why was 6 afraid
of 7?
Because7 ate
9.
How long did
Cain hate his brother?
As long as he
was able...
Two jelly babies
walked into a bar with their friend the Hard Gum. When they went up to et drinks,
some cough sweets went up to them and started hassling them. The jelly babies were
a bit scared and went to the Hard Gum to ask for bit of help. He replied , "I'm not going anywhere near them, they’re
menthol!.
Did you hear
about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was pulled
under by a strong currant!
News Flash
from Chicago: Man found face down in bathtub full of milk and corn flakes with banana in rear! Police
looking for cereal killer.
Two men are hired
to do a job in a building. After the owner explains everything, he leaves. When
he returns a while later, he sees one man working diligently and the other man hanging
on the ceiling, singing "I'm a chandelier, I'm a chandelier." The owner
orders him to come down and get back to work. A while later the owner returns to
find the one working diligently and the other back on the ceiling, singing "I'm
a chandelier, I'm a chandelier" again.
A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, there's
a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom'. The doctor asks him to drop his trousers
and examines him. The man asks 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies 'I'm
sorry to tell you but this is just the tip of the iceberg
Sherlock Holmes
and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they
lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged
his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what
does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it
tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologic cally,I deduce that the
time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is
all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect
that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes
was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you pil lock! Someone has stolen
our tent!
A neutron walks
into a bar. He asks the bartender for a drink. When it's served, he asks how much
it will be. "For you," the bartender answers, "no charge.
what do u
call thieves on a washing line?
knicker
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