A man on a business
trip is staying in a high--‐rise hotel with a bar on the top floor. After checking
in and seeing his room, he decides to go upstairs. There's only one other patron
in the bar. The businessman orders a drink and then watches in surprise as the other
patron quickly eats an orange, chugs his beer, and jumps out the window. A minute
later, the man returns. The businessman is shocked to see him again eat an orange,
chug his beer and then jump out the window. When the man returns a third time, the
businessman decides he can do this, too. He eats an orange, chugs his beer, then
jumps out the window to his death. The
Bartender turns
to the man and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk.
A length of Rope
went into a bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a beer. The Bartender said, "We
don't serve Ropes here." Dismayed and disappointed, the Rope went out and then
got an idea. He stopped a man and asked, "Will you please tie a knot in me
and separate my strands at both ends?". The man obliged, and with this done,
the Rope went back into the bar and again ordered a beer. The Bartender looked him
over and said, "Say, aren't you the same rope who was in here before?!"
"No," was the reply, "I'm a frayed knot.
One morning,
a girl says to her mum, "Does God use our bathroom?" Her mum replies,
"No dear, why do you ask?" The little girl says, "Well, every morning
daddy says 'Oh God, are you still in there!
What lies on
the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
Two cannibals
are sitting around eating a clown. One clown says to the other, "Does this
taste funny to you?
A scientist who thought he knew everything was going on a business
trip. On the airplane, he sat nekton lady. He asked her, "Do you want to play
a game where I ask you a question and if you can’t answer, you give me$5 and then
you ask me a question and I give u 5 if I
can't answer?" "No" "How about if when I can't answer, I give you $1000, but if
you can't answer, you only have to give me $5?" "No" "How about
if I
can’t answer, I give you $2000?" "OK"
"What is the top speed of an Indian fruit bat?"The lady gave him $5 and
asked him, "What has 15 legs going up a hill, 137 legs at the top, and 57legs coming down?" The man searched in
every resource he had and eventually gave up and gave the lady $2000, then asked,
"What is the answer?" The lady gave him $5.”
As a teacher
I was trying to get my students to understand what a "pun" was. I gave
them 10 examples but was not successful. They could not understand any of them.
You might say that no pun in ten did!
A guy goes
into a restaurant on Christmas morning for breakfast. The waitress serves him
his eggs Benedict on a large and very shiny, metal plate. The guy says, what's
with this plate? The waitress says: "It's Christmas, and there's no plates
like chrome for the hollandaise.
A duck walks in to a post office and asks the postman:
"Do you have any corn?" The postman answers politely: "No, we don't
have any corn here." The next day the duck enters the store again and asks:
"Do you have any corn?" A bit annoyed the postman answers: "No! We
don't have any corn." This goes on for a couple of days. Finally one day when
the duck asks:" Do you have any corn?", the postman gets so upset he yells:
"NO! For the last time, we don't have any corn, and if you ask again, I'll
nail your beak to the counter!!" The next day the duck returns to the store
and asks: "Do you have any nails?" The postman answers:" No."Then the duck asks:"
Do you have any corn?
Two Menno
the 9th tee tire of waiting for two women to get off the fairway.
One man approaches them but before he reaches the women he does an abrupt U
turn, and explains to his partner that one of the women is his wife and the
other is his girl friend. The second man agrees to go but also does a U turn
before reaching the ladies and explains to his
Partner on returning "Small world, isn't it!
There are two
teddy bears in the airing cupboard. Which one is in the army?
The one on the
tank.
How many surrealists
does it take to change a light bulb? Two. On to hold the giraffe and one to put
the clocks in the bath tub. “How do you confuse
an idiot?” Purple!
why did the football
coach go to the bank ?
To get his quarterback!
Three guys
walk into an office building...you think one of them would of noticed it was
there...
“Where does a King keep his armies?” In his sleeves
“What is the last thing a fish says when
it hits a wall?”
Dam!
Descartes walks in to a bar. The bartender ask
if he'd like a beer. Descartes replies, "I think not." Then he disappears
.
A woman walked
into a bar and ordered a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.
A fish walks
into a bar and the bartender says what will it be. The fish replies water!
Where do horses
go when they are injured or hurt?
The Hospital
Did you here
about the magic tractor? It was driving down a lane then it turned into a field!
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