“A drummer gets fed up with all the comments
denying he's a real musician, and so he decides to learn some new instruments.
He visits his local Music shop, and spends an hour looking around and
deliberating. "Right!" He says, after an age. "I'll have the
shiny red one, and the accordion thing over there". "I'll do you a
deal" ays the Music Shop Manager, "You can but the fire extinguisher,
but the radiator is staying where it is"
“What do you get if you lie, face down under a
cow?”
A PAT ON THE BACK!
“How did the elephant get on the tree? Sat on an
acorn and waited for it to grow. How did the elephant get off the tree? Sat on
a leaf and waited till Autumn.”
“What do you get if you lie, face down under a
cow?”
A PAT ON THE BACK!
“What’s a cannibal favorite game? Swallow my leader!”
“If a fly and a flee pass each other what time is
it? Fly past flee!”
“.Why was the Egyptian girl worried?”
Because her Daddy was a mummy!
“How many psychoanalysts are needed to change a light
bulb?”
One is enough, but the bulb must want to change, and
it can take years.
“What is Big, Red & eats Rocks?”
A big red rock eater!
“If a wheel falls off a bus while traveling down a
river, how long will it take to shingle a dog house?”
None, because there's no bones in cottage cheese!
“Matt: I got a set of golf clubs for my wife.”
Ben: Nice trade.
“Two guys were walking on the street when one of them
says: "I've realized that my wife is an angel." "Mine isn't human,
either", said the second.”
“Two nuns were travelling through Europe in their
car.”
They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic
light. Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches
at the windshieldant to change, and it can take years
Q: Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Because he was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A:
Because he was tied to the first monkey.
Q: Why did
the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: Monkey see, monkey do.
“Our supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken
breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she
was disappointed to find only a few skimpy repackaged portions of the poultry,
so she complained to the butcher. "Don't worry, lady," he said.
"I'll pack some more trays and have
them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later,
my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public--‐address system:
"Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the
store."
“ a dog
comes into a bar and asks for a beer the bartender, a little surprised serves
the dog the beer the dog drinks the beer and asks for the bill "it'll be
10 dollars" says the bartender the dog pays and is leaving through the
door when the bartender says "it is not usual to have dogs here drinking" the dog hears and answers
"for 10 dollars a beer no dog cankeep drinking here"
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