Two owls are playing in the final of the Owl Pool Championship. It comes down to
the last frame. One of
The owls is
just about to play his shot, when his wing accidentally touches a ball.
"That's two hits," says the
Other owl.
"Two Hits to who?" says the first.
A guy walks into
his psychiatrists office and says
Doc you got to
help me, One night I dream I'm a tepee and the next night I dream that I am a wigwam."
The doctor say's," relax, you're two tents.
Did you hear
about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac ?
He used to lie
awake at night wondering if there was a Dog !
What do you call
a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no I dear
An atom walks
into a bar and asks the
Bartender if
he's seen his missing electron. "Are you sure she's missing", asks the
bartender. "I'm positive", replies the atom.
Doc, I can't
stop singing the green grass of home" "that sounds like Tom Jones syndrome"
"Is it common?" "It's not unusual
Two aerials met
on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception
was brilliant.
From The Times:
'A young girl, who was blown out to sea on
a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast--‐guard
spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too common these days.
Patient : "Doctor
I keep hearing "The green, green grass of home" in my head. Doctor : "That's
called the Tom Jones Syndrome" Patient : "Is it common ?" Doctor
: "It's not unusual”
what has 2 legs
and bleeds profusely?
Half a cat
A man wakes up
in hospital. "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" "I know,"
replies the doctor, "We had to amputate your arms.
Why is a tractor
magic?
Because it can
go down a road and turn into a field
What do you call
a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
Close your eyes.
Dark isn't it?
A woman walked
into a bar and ordered a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.
A man gets knocked
down by a truck. A guy says to him are you comfortable. He says I make a living!
I want to die
peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like his passengers
Why does a chicken
coop have 2 doors?
Because if had
4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
Once a village
bum went on an airplane for the first time. After some turbulence the village bum
asked the man sitting next to him to open the window so he can throw up. The man
told him the window cannot be opened so the village bum started beating up the man.
Soon a flight attendant came and asked him the reason for his behavior. After listening
to his complaint the flight attendant told him about the barf bag. After a while
the flight attendant came and saw all the
passengers barfing. Since the village bum was
the only one not throwing up the flight
attendant asked him what had happened. To this the village bum replied that as he
was throwing up everyone stared at him so
being embarrassed he drank it back.
Where can you
find a Mozambique.
On a mo z am
bird!
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