Huge Collection of Funny Adult Jokes - Hindi Chutkule

ADULT JOKES 1

Latest Adult and Dirty Jokes and SMS

1. Paani Mein Doobti Ek Aurat Chilla Rahi Thi. Bachao Bachao Main Pregnant Hoon. Santa Ne Use Bahar Nikala Aur Muh Se Muh Mila Ke Usko Sans Dene Laga. Banta Uski Panty Utar Ke Uski **** Ke Andar Fonk Marne Laga. Santa: Kya Kar Raha Hai Kamine ? Banta: Arey Tu Maan Ki Jaan Bacha, Main Bachhe Ki Jaan Bachata Hoon. 2. Santa China Ke Tour Pe Gaya Tha Waha Usne Ek X Ray Chashma Liya. Chashma Lagane Se Har Koi Nanga Nazar Aata Tha, Santa Ghar Aaya To Preto Ko Apne Ek Dost Ke Sath Apne Bed Pe Nanga Dekha Usne Foran Chashme Ko Utara Phir Bhi Dono Nange Nazar Aaye Santa Guse Se Chashma Fenkta Hua Bola Ye Hi Musibat Hai China Ke Saman Ki Koi Garanty Nahi Hoti Jaldi Kharab Ho Jati Hai He He 3. Dad-Beti ki Shadi zaldi karni chahiye. Mummy Ji ha kitchen se roj GAJAR & MULI gayab ho rai hai. 4. 1 Larka Mar Gya Tou Us Ki maa Roty Huey Boli : Mere Larke Ne Dunya Main Dekha Hii Kia Tha. 1 Parosan Larki Boli : Anty Maine Tumhare Larke Ko Sab Kuch Dikha Dia Tha 5. Santa Singh Had A Baby Sardar:- Bilkul Meri Jaisi Ankhe Hain chhoti chhoti Meri Jaisi Nak Hai chhoti Si Mere jaise honth chhote chhote Jeeto:- Ne Baby Ka Pamper Khol Ke Boli sab kuchh aapke jaisa chhota nahi ha :) Ha Ha Ha 6. Ladki Baba Se Baba Agar Main Chanda Dun To Guarantee Hai Ke Mera Bacha Hoga. BABA:Chanda Ki Jagah Agar Ek Chance 2 To 100% Guarantee Hai. 7. Banta Bhaaga-2 Santa Ke Ghar Aaya Aur Khushi Se Bola. Banta:- Oye Santa Aaj TV Pe Rakhi Sawant Apne 38-Inch Ke Boobs Dikhane Wali Hai Santa:- Udaas Hokar Bola:- Acha Par Main Nahi Dekh Paunga. Banta:- Kyu? Santa:- Mera TV To Sirf 21-Inch Ka Hai? 8. Toothpaste Ka dhakkan aur Girlfriend ki BRA me kya similarity hai? ANS :- Dono ko kholo aur dhire se dabao Mooh me lo aur Fresh ho Jao. 9. Shaadi K Baad Larke k Dosto Ne Larke Se Pocha Kaisi Rahi Suhag Raat? Larka Bola:- Aray Yaar Kabhi Khandan Main Shadi Nahi Kerna Dosto Ne Pocha Dost:- Kyun Larka Bola:- Jab Main Zor Zor Se Kerne Laga Tou Wo Boli "KARAN BHAI" Zara Aaram Se 10. Aurat:- Mujhe dodh nahi ata.. Hakim:- Hum har chez chos ke check karte hain.. Aurat-To phir pehle aba jaan ko check kar lo unko 2 din se peshab nahi aa rha. 11. Banta:- Ko Har Baat Mein Galiyan Dene Ki Aadat Thi. Ek Din Bhaaga-2 k Kahi Jaa Raha Tha To Santa Ne Pucha Santa:- Abe Kidhar Ja Raha Hai? Banta:- Bahan Ki Chut Photostate Karane Jaa Raha Hoon Santa:- Achha, Fir Chut Ki Ek Copy Mujhe Bhi De Diyo 12. School Mein 400 Meters Ki Race Mein Ek Ladki Ladkon Se Jeet Gayi. Teacher Ne Agle Din Class Mein Ladki Se Puchha. Teacher:- Ye Kaise Kiya? Ladki Haste Hue Boli:- Mam Simple Main Pichhe Se Rump (Bomb) Dikha Kar Ke Bhagi Rhi Thi 13. Santa:- Apni Gadi Se Kahi Ja Raha Tha To Raste Mein Usne Dekha Ki Banta:- Sadak Ke Kinare Khada Zor Zor Se Ro Raha Hai. Santa:- Ruka Aur Puchha: ?Kya Hua Banta?? Banta:- Ne Apni Accident Hui Gadi Ki Aur Ishara Kiya. Santa:- Koi Baat Nahi Aur Nayi Le Lenge? Banta:- Gadi Ke Andar Dekha, Santa? Santa:- Dekhta Hai Ki Ek Bahut Sundar Ladki Gadi Mein Mari Padi Hai. Santa:- Koi Baat Nahi Ladkiyo Ki Kami Hai Aur Mil Jayengi? Banta:- Abe Bhonsdi Ke Har Time Mjaak Kyo Krta Hai 14. Nurse Ne Santa Ke Hath Mein Uska Naya Paida Hua Bacha Diya. Santa Khush Hote Hue Chillaya oye Ladka Hua Ladka Nurse Gusse Se Abey Gandu Meri Ungli Chod Ladki Hui Hai 15. Patni Ne Pati Se Pucha Agar Duniya 20 Minutes Mein Khatam Hone Wali Ho Toh Tum Sabse Pehle Kya Karna Chahoge Pati:- Simple Si Baat Hai Sex Karna Chahunga. Patni:- Fir Baki Ke 18 Minutes Kya Karoge 16. Santa Delhi ke ek kothe par gaya or bola: Mujhe Rita se milna hai Mousi:- Woh ek baar ke 1000 Rs leti hai Santa:- No problem Santa:- Ne Rita k saath sex karke 1000 Rs de diye Next day fir Rita se sex karke 1000 Rs de diye 3rd day bhi sex ke baad 1000 Rs diye Rita:- bade dildar ho, kahan se aye ho? Santa:- Punjab se Rita:- waha to meri behan bhi rehti hai Santa:- Pta hai usi ne 3000 Rs diye the aur kaha tha meri behan ko de dena 17. Santa:- Doctor Ke Paas Gaya Aur Zor-Zor Se Rone Laga. Doctor:- Kya Hua? Santa:- Susu Ka Rasta Band Ho Gaya Hai Doctor:- Kaise? Santa: Maine Galti Se Vaseline Samaj Kar Crack Cream Laga Li Hat Sale 18. Beta:- Papa jab aap chote the tab dada ji aapko marte the. Papa:- Ha Beta:- To ye khandani chutyagiri kab band hogi ya nahi. 19. Sir 2 stud- Sab 1-1 doha sunao, Pappu pahle tum sunao Pappu- Chidiya bathi ped pe, Usne diya mut Pintu ki ma ki **** Sir:- Sabaas very gud Ab pintu tum sunao.. Pintu:- Kabutar baitha neem par usne diya mut, Pappu ki ma ka bhosada Or master ki maa ki **** Ya Hu Ya Hu Le Sale 20. Santa Ko Bavaseer Ho Gayi Hakim Ne Kaha Marham Lagwane Roj Aana Padega. Hakim Ne Usko Chaar Din Marham Lagaya Aur Kaha, Hakim:- Ab Kafi Thek Ho Gayi Hai Baqi Biwi Se Lagwa Lena Jab Agle Din Preto Marham Lagane Lagi To Usne Ek Hath Santa Ke Kandhe Par Rakha Aur Dusre Se Marham Lagane Lagi To Santa Ne Pucha. Santa:- Tera Ek Haath Kandhay Par Hai Dusra Kaha Hai? Preeto Boli:- Us Se Marham Laga Rahi Hoon Santa Chonk Kar Bola:- Oh Hakim Ki Bahan Ki **** Uske To Dono Hath Mere Kandhe Par Hote Thee adult,adult jokes,adult sms,adult funny jokes,adult hindi jokes, hindi jokes,non veg jokes,non veg sms,non veg funny sms, dirty jokes,dirty sms, dirty hindi jokes

Santa Banta SMS/Jokes

1. Jab Kuchh Sapne Adhure Reh Jaate Hein Tab Dil Ke Dard Aansu Ban Ke Beh Jaate Hein Jo Kehte Hein Ke Hum Sirf Aap Ke Hein Pata Nahi Kaise Alvida Keh Jaate hein 2. Santa Police se: Kal rat chor mere ghar se TV ke Ilaaava sab samaan le gaye Police:TV kyon nahi legaya? Santa:TV to me dekh raha tha is liye pagal. 3. Lady Beggar: A bhaiya 1 rupya dede 3 din se bhuki hu. Santa: 3 din se bhuki h to 1 rupye ka kya karegi? Lady: Wazan dekhungi kitna ghat gaya hai 4. Santa: I'm the only one in my family who drinks, which is great. Banta: Why is it great? Santa: Because to me, they're all potential liver donors! 5. Santa Apni Girlfriend Ko Lekar Ghar Aaya Use Bistar Par Baithaya Sab Darwaze Khidki Band Kar Di Aur Light Bhi Band Karke Apni Girlfriend Ke Pass Aaya Aur Bola: Ye Dekho Meri Watch Mein Light Jalti Hain. 6. Santa- Mere 3 bete Engineer ban gaye lekin ek kambakht DAKU ban gaya. Banta- To usko ghar se nikal do. Santa- Yahi to problem hai kamakar b sala wahi lata hai 7. Preeto: Why is psychoanalysis much quicker for men than it is for woman? Jeeto: Because when it is time to go back to childhood, the man is already there. 8. Jeeto: Kal raat um mujhey neend main gaaliyan day rahay thay? Banta: Tumhari galat fahami hai. Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami? Banta: Yehi ki mein soya tha. 9. A man went into a bank and said to the cashier, "Will you check my balance?" Santa was also standing in the queue behind him and before the cashier could reply, Santa pushed him. 10. Santa: After having been married for long, I have realised one thing. Banta: And what exactly is it? Santa: A man who doesn't lie to his wife doesn't care about her feelings! 11. Circus mein ladki ne sher ko kiss kiya to Ring mastar ne kaha Aap mein se koi yeh kar sakta hai, Santa- Zarur par pehle iss sher ko peeche hatao :P 12. Santa Banta ek sath rajai mein so rahe the. Santa yaar jaldi se koi paad mar kar Rajai ko garam kar do. Banta: Jor lagane lagta hao, Zor lagate lagate uski potti nikal padi aur, Bola le ab taap le maine aag laga di 13. If Pepsodent toothpaste kills 99.9% of germs what does Pepsodent Sensitive do? It kills 99.9% of germs, without hurting their feelings! 14. A man went into a bank and said to the cashier, "Will you check my balance?" Santa was also standing in the queue behind him and before the cashier could reply, Santa pushed him. 15. Santa: Agar nariyal ke ped pe chad jaun to Engineering college ki ladkiyan dikh jayegi Banta: Pir hath chod dena, to medical college ki bhi dikh jayegi. 16. Santa ne kachha dho k Padosan ki shalvar k paas sukhne daal diya, Aur awaz di Bhabi ji, Jab tum salvar utarogi to mujhe awaz de dena Mai bhi kachha utar lunga. 17. Santa Banta ne Hindi ka home work nahi kiya tha Hindi teacher ne unko ped par ulta latakne ki saza di. Thodi der latakne ke baad Santa neeche gir gaya. Hindi Teacher: Thak gaye kya? Santa: Nahi pakk gaya Isliye gir gaya. 18. Maths Teacher to Papu, "If both of your parents were born in 1969, how old would they say they are now?" Papu: That depends. Teacher: Depends on what? Papu: Whether you're asking my father or my mother! 19. Teacher to Santa: Is line ki english banao Usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya. Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan 20. Santa dabang dekh ker aaya, School mein Sir: santa tumhare sare answer galat hai marks de to kahan? Santa: Kamal karte hai sirji, marks hi to mang rahe hai,chup chap de do warna thappad mar k b le sakte hai. Sir: Badtamiz Kya bak rha hai? Santa: Badtamiz se yaad aya sir, apke papa kaise hai? Sir: Nikal ja class se Santa: Chup chap se marks de do sir, warna ans sheet me itne chhed karunga, ki confuse ho jaoge ki marks kaha de aur zero kahan

Short/Small Jokes and SMS

1. Question : When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake. Answer : On their MARRIAGE. 2. Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go. 3. Girl: Do you believe in puppy love? Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small. 4. Sardar's wish:- when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died Peacefully in his sleep not screaming like all the Passengers in the Car he was driving.. 5. Father: Kya Hua Beta Q Ro Raha Hai Mujhe Bata Mai Tmhare Dost Jaisa Hu Son: Kya Batau Mai Apni Wali Se Milne Gya Tha Teri Wali Ne Bahut Mara. 6. Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground. 7. Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup. Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running? 8. Principle: Late Q Hue Boy: Bike Khrab Ho Gai Thi Principle: Bus Me Nahi Aa Skty The Boy: Maine Kaha Tha SIR Par Apki Beti ke Nakhre Khtm Ho Tab Na 9. I wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming? 10. A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning. Sardar ji replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM". 11. Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!" 12. Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected". After much thought he wrote: Yes! 13. A Foolish man tells a woman to Stop talking, but a Wise man tells her that she looks extremely Beautiful when her Lips are Closed. 14. Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball! 15. Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents." 16. A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua. 17. Boy: Aapki sandle bahut acchi hai Girl: Haan utaaroon kya? Boy:Chal pagli isse acchi to teri jeans hai 18. Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense. Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail". 19. 2 Dost Suicide karne gai, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki sari nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha hai ki Reliance mai Job. 20. I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age. The next day, she locked me in the wine cellar.

Bollywood Movies Shayari

1. Movie - Har Dil Jo Pyar Karega Kaal thak jo ajnabe tha Dil aaj ussi ko chahta hai Zindagi dene wale tujhpe Marjane ko jee chahta hai 2. Movie - Fanna Tere dil mein meri sanson ko panah mil jaye Tere ishq mein meri jaan Fanaa ho jaaye. 3. Movie - Dil Ka Khel Jisne Hamko Chaha Use Hum Chah Naa Sake Jisko Hamne Chaha Use Hum Paa Naa Sake Ye Soch Lo Ki Dil Tutne Ka Khel Hai Kisi Ka Toda Aur Apna Bacha Naa Sake. 4. Movie - Mann Husan ko chand jawani ko kamal kehte hain Dekh kar hum tujhe ek zhoh ghazal kehte hain Uf yeh sangeh marmar sa tarasa hua safaf badan Dekhne wale tujhe Taj Mahal kehte hain. 5. Movie - Pyaar Ka Tohfa Pyaar ne ye kaisa tohfa de diya Mujhko gumoo ne pathar bana diya Teri yaadon main hi kat gayi ye umar Kehta raha tujhe kab ka bhula diya 6. Movie - Diljale Ek pal mein jo aakar gujar jaye Yeh hawa ka woh jhoka hai Aur kuch nahi Pyar kahti hai duniya jise Ek rangeen dhokha hai Aur kuch nahi 7. Movie - Jab Tak Hai Jaan (Poem) Teri aankhon ki namkeen mastiyan Teri hansi ki beparwah gustakhiyan Teri zulfon ki lehrati angdaiyaan Nahi bhoolunga main Jab tak hai jaan Jab tak hai jaan 8. Movie - Mann Tujhko dekhenge sitare to zia mange ge Aur Pyaase teri zulfon se ghataa mange ge Apne kande se dupatta na sarakne dena Varna buddhe bhi jawani ki dua mange ge 9. Movie - Jannat Cricketer aur Film stars mein zyada farak nahin hota Dono ki jawani khatam To kahani khatam 10. Movie - Fanaa Pani Se Pyaas Na Bujhi Toh Maikhane Ki taraf Chal Nikla Socha Shikayat Karun Teri Khudha Se Par Khudha bhi Tera Ashiq Nikla 11. Movie - Sarfarosh Apni Aakhon Ke Samunder Main Utar Jane De Tera Mujrim Hoon Mujhe Doub Ke Mar Jane De Zakham Kitne Teri Chaahat Se Mile Hain Mujhko Sonchta Hoon Kahoon Tujhse Magar Jaane De 12. Movie - Devdas Dil ke chhaalon ko koi shayari kahe To dard nahi hota Takleef to tab hoti hai Jab log wah wah karte hain 13. Movie - Saawariya Teri baat hi sunane aye Dost bhi dil dukhane aye Phool khilte hain to hum sochte hain Tere aane ke zamane aye Dil dhadkta hain safar ke samay Kaash phir koi bulane aye 14. Movie - Teri meri Kahani Na Jagte Huve Khwab Dekha Karo Na Chaho Use Jise Pa Na Sako Pyaar Kaha Kisika Pura Hota Hai Pyaar Ka Pehla Akshar Adhura Hota Hai 15. Movie - Fanaa Bekhudi ki zindagi hum jiya nahi karte Yun kisika ka jaam hum piya nahi karte Uhn se keh 2 mohabbat ka izhaar akar khud karein Yun kisika pecha hum nahin karte. 16. Phool khilte hain baharon ka samaa hota hai Aise mausam mein hi to pyar javan hota hai Dil ki baaton ko hothon se nahi kehte Ye fasana to nigaahon se bayaan hota hai. 17. Movie - Tum Tum milo na milo na milne ka gham nahi Tum paas se hi gujar jao milne se kum nahi Maana ki tumhe hamari kadar nahi Magar unse puchho jinhe hum haasil nahi. 18. Movie - Gajini Bas ab ek haan ke intezaar me raat yu nhi guzar jayegi Ab toh bas uljhan hai saath mere neend kahan aayegi Subah ki kiran na jaane konsa sandesh laayegi Rimjhim is gungunayegi ya pyas adhuri reh jaayegi 19. Movie - Tum Bin (Poem) Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin Sadiyon Si Lambi Hai Raaten Sadiyon Se Lambi Hue Din Aaa Jao Laut Kar Tum Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai Aaa Jao Laut Kar Tum Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai Phir Shame Tanhaye Jaagi Phir Yaad Tum Aa Rahe Ho Phir Jaan Nikal Ne Lagi Hai Phir Mujhko Tadpa Rahe Ho Aaa Jao Laut Kar Tum Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai Kya Kya Na Soocha Hai Maine Kya Kya Na Sapne Sajaye Kya Kya Na Chaha Hai Dil Ne Kya Kya Na Arman Jagaye Is Dil Se Toofan Guzarte Hai Tum Bin To Jete Na Marte Hai Aaa Jao Laut Kar Tum Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai Aaa Jao Laut Kar Tum Yeh Dil Keh Raha Hai Tum Bin Jiya Jaaye Kaise Kaise Jiya Jaaye Tum Bin 20. Movie - Fanaa Eye khuda aaj ye faisla karde Use mera ya mujhe uska karde Bahut dukh sahe hain maine Koi khusi ab toh muqadar karde Bahut mushkil lagta hai us se door rehna Judai ke safar ko kam karde Jitna door chale gaye woh mujhse Use utna kareeb karde Nahi likha agar nasib me uska naam To khatam kar ye zindagi aur mujhe Fanaa karde.

Best Mix Up SMS

1. Chota Sardar:- Mummy Kal Raati Jadu Hoya..... Main Bathroom daa darwaja Kholaya Te Light Ap he Jal Pardi Mummy:- Oye Tu fir frige vich su su kar ditaa 2. ('.') Lo ji <)'(> arz _/'/_ kiya hai. Dunia mein bahut Dard-e-tanhai hai \('',)/''wah \ \ wah _/ \_ wah Zalimo tum b msg kro meri kya muft ki kamai hai. 3. Train mai aik husband apni wife say Tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun Dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun Samnay Wala Passenger: wao wao 4. Colgate se dant saf karne ka Pepsodent se mjbut karne ka Babul se fresh karne ka.. Aagr fir bhi safed nhi huye to.. Bindas HARPIC use karne ka.. 5. Ek bar engineering ke sabhi Professores ko ek plane mein bithaya gaya.. Fir announce kiya gaya ki YE PLANE APKE STUDENTS NE BNAYA HAI Sab profesrs utar gaye Par principal baithe rahe Logo ne Pucha: Aapko Darr nahi lgta? Principle: Muje apne studnts par pura bharosa hai Ye start hi nahi hoga 6. Light jane k baad candle leke pappu toilet ja rahatha Kai kambakhat phook marke keh gaya Happy birthday 2 you Batao yaar Emergency ke wqt bhi mazak 7. Exam me teacher ne nakal karne di aur kaha bahar jake Na kehna ki meine nakal karai hai. Santa: Na g na hum kahenge sir to bahut kamina tha, kute ne seat se hilne bhi nahi diya 8. Ek ladki thi diwani si sunder si lambi si Nazrein jhukake sharmake galion se guzra karti thi Latak matak chalti thi aur kaha karti thi Bartan Lelo Bartan 9. Student shoking: Miss jaldi police ko phone kro jaldi Mis shoked: Par kyon kya hua? Student: Meri pencil kho gai hai report likhwani hai 10. Girl: Paros wali Aunty mujhe bohat tang karti theen Jab b kisi ki Shadi hoti wo mere gaal khench ke kehti AB TUMHARI BARI HAI Phir maine un ki ye aadat khatam karwa di Friend: Kaise ? Girl: Jab koi Mar jata tou main un k Gaal khench k kehti.. AB AAP KI BARI HAI 11. Teacher: Tumhare Papa Kya Karte Hai? Mintu: Wo Sabke Such Dukh Bantate Hai Teacher: Kya Matlab? Mintu: Wo Postman Hai 12. Apne mobile ko facewash lagakar Garm pani se dhokar use kum kum aur Chawal laga kar mandir mein chada do Kyun ki SMS to aap karte nahi to mobile ki aarti karo 13. Husband: Meri wife gum ho gye h Post Master: Andhe ye post office h Police Station jao Husband: Maaf kijye ga khusi me samjh nhi aa rha kidhr jau? 14. Majnu ko laila ka sms nhi aaya Majnu ne 3 Din se khana nhi khaaya Majnu mrne wala tha laila ke pyar mai Aur laila bethi thi sms free hone ke intezar mai 15. Beti: Mein Padosi se pyar karti hu aur uske sath bhag rahi hu Baap: Thanks mere apise aur time dono bach gaye Beti: Papa mein to letter padh rahi hu Jo mummy rakh ke gayi hai. 16. Bura mat suno Bura mat dekho Bura mat bolo I did not know Bura was Manmohan singh’s nickname. 17. Jab Koi Sms Ni Krta. Itna Gussa Ata Hai Dil To Chahta Hai . . . Chapal Utar Ke . . . Aram Se Baith Jau Or Sochu Sayad Bhejna Nhi Aata Hoga. 18. Ram ne Ravan ko maara (R=R) Krishna ne Kansa ko (K=K) Godse ne Gandhi ko (G=G) Obama ne Osama ko (O=O) . . . Corruption maarega Congress ko (C= C) 19. China cricket kyu nhi khelta? . Kyu ki Technical problem hai Sab k face 1 jaise hote hai Jo out ho jaye Woh muh dhoo ke phir se aa sakta hai. 20. Bus Accident Man Caring: Mera hath kat gaya Bahut dard ho raha hai. Santa: Abey chup baith Wo dekh uska gala kat gaya Fir bhi chup chap pada hai

Politician SMS

1. Warning: Agar aap mujhe bhule to upar wala aapko Lalu ki akal Mayawati ki shakl Mulayam ki jawani Kalaam ke baal aur Atal ki chal de Ab bhula k dekho 2. A good leader is a person who takes a little more than his share of the blame and a little less than his share of the credit. 3. Politics - I don''t know why, but they seem to have a tendency to separate us, to keep us from one another, while nature is always and ever making efforts to bring us together. 4. Good leaders are like baseball umpires; they go practically unnoticed when doing their jobs right. 5. Teacher: Ye koun sa TENSE hai? India mein Corruption khatam ho Jayega..!! Student: Future IMPOSSIBLE Tense 6. Obama: Tujhe swiming aati hai Lalu: Na Bhai Obama: Tere se to kutta acha hai jo swim kar leta hai Lalu: Tumko aata hai Obama: Yes Lalu: Sasura fir tohre mein aur Kutta mein farak ka hai. 7. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy 8. Santa Newspaper padh raha tha Banta: Koi Nayi khabar hai kya? Santa: Ye kya U.P. ko 4 hisso mein kar diya jayega Banta: Jis Ghar mein Aurat ki chlti hai yahi hota hai. 9. It is the duty of every citizen according to his best capacities to give validity to his convictions in political affairs. 10. Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki iss bag ke andar kya hai, Toh sare eggs tumare, agar tum batao kitne eggs toh 8 ke 8 tumare, Aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hai toh woh murgi bhi tumari. . . Rabri: Lalu Ji, koi hint toh do na plz? 11. Now Rekha also has been nominated to Rajya Sabha Means it makes a full Nirma detergent team Hema, Rekha, Jaya aur Sushma. Sabki pasand nirma. 12. Teacher: Wo kaunsi raat hai jo agar na hoti to aaj hindustan khush haal hota? . . . Student: Sir sharad pawar ki maa ki suhagraat. 13. Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. 14. Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. 15. 1 Gaon me Rahul Gandhi ko 1 bache ne kaha Sir ji 14 mahino se yaha school me teacher nahi he Rahul- To school kaise chal raha he? Bacha- Jaise desh chal raha hai. 16. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. 17. Some men change their party for the sake of their principles; others their principles for the sake of their party. 18. A good leader is a person Who takes a little more than His share of the blame And A little less than his share of the credit. 19. Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays 20. Ek aurat ne anna hazare se pucha.. Baapu aap roj roj anshan per kyun baith jate ho..? . . . Anna hazare:- Kya karu O ladies O ladies Main hu aadat se majboor...

Funny SMS

1. Ek Mendak pandit k pas gya or apna future pucha Pandit-Tuje 1 Ladki milegi or tera Dil le jayegi. Mendak khushi se-Wo milegi kaha? Pandit BIOLOGY LAB me. 2. Bhaiyo aur Only Bhaiyo, Nind Nahi Aati Mujhe Tab Se . . . . Mujhe Nind Nahi Aati Tab Se . . . . 5 Rupye Khoyehai Jab Se. 3. Ek conductor ki shadi ho rahi thi Jab Dulhn phero ke waqt uske pas akar baithi to Vo bola thoda pas ho k baith Ek sawari or baith sakti hai. 4. Teacher: raju tum kis liye college aate ho? Student: vidya ke khatir Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho? Student: Aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir 5. Aapko humse kabhi khone nahi denge, aapko mujh se alag hone nahi denge, kabhi sms bhi kar dia kro warna, aankh mein mirchi dal denge aur dhone bhi nahi denge. 6. Arz Hai.. Kapde Silvane Ho To Dhund Lo Darji. Wah Wah Wah.. Ershad Ershad.. Ki Kapde Silvane Ho To Dhund Lo Darji. aur Nangu pungu Ghumna Ho To, Aapki Marji 7. Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha lagta hai hamari shadi nahi hogi. girl: kyu? papa se mile the kya? Boy: nahi tumhare behan se mila tha 8. Customer: Mujhe phone per dhamkiya mil rahi hai. Police: Kaun hai woh jo aapko dhamkiya de raha hai? Customer: Telephone wale bolte hai k “Bill nahi bharoge toh kat denge. 9. Chand bhi ajeb chez hai naa.. . . . . . Jisme bachpan me MAMU aur Jawani me JAANU nazar ate hain. 10. Ek Bus Mein Boy and Girls Ki Team Antakshari Khelne K Liye Bani.. . . . Girls Hum Tumko Harakar dikhayenge . . . Pichhe betha PAPPU Bola Hum Haar Gye Chalo Ab Dikhao. 11. Degree Boy: A chote Ek Chocolate khilaunga kya apne Didi ka number dega.. . . . . . . 2rd stnd Boy:" Tujhe Ek Beer pelaunga ye Luv Leter Jake apni Choti behen ko dega.. Degree Shocks Primary Rocks.. 12. RAKHI SAWANT Train me! . TC- Ticket? . Rakhi-Mera to Chehra hi Ticket hai. . TC- Jurmana lgega . Rakhi- Kyo? . . . TC- Qki Tum 1st CLASS me baithi ho Chehra 3rd CLASS ka hai. 13. Arz KiYa Hai Khuda Bachaye Hame In Hasino Se ... Wah wah.. . Khuda Bachaye Hame In Hasino Se.. . Are Wah wah.. Lenkin Kya Lekin ..In Hasino Ko Kaun Bachayega Ham Jaise.. Kaminoo se 14. CHAPPAL chhoti ho jaye toh PAAON mein nahi aati Wah-Wah CHAPPAL choti ho jaye to PAON mein nahi ati Aur GIRLFRND moti ho jaye to BAHON mein nahi ati He He He 15. New style of prpose girl.. . Boy:Dekh mai nhi chahta ki mera ladka bada hokar teri ladki ko chede mujhe bura lgega.. . . . Girl:Too.. ?? . . Boy:Tu ha bol dono ko bhai behan bnaa denge.. 16. Bhikhari Car me bethi lady se: Madam 10 Rs dedo.. Lady ne paise de diye.. Bhikhari jane laga tabi lady boli:Baba Dua To Dete Jao.. . . Bhikhari:Car Me To Baithi Hai Moti...Ab Kya Rocket Pe Baithegi 17. Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Papu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl. 18. Santa goes to buy a underwear. On chosing one he asks: How much for this? Shopkeper: Rs 500 Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhao Party wear nahin chahiye. 19. Nurse: Congrats Santa ji aap papa ban gaye. Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga. 20. Banta: Marte waqt admi ko kya dena chahiye? Santa: Birla cement. Banta: Kyun? Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai

Hindi Paheliyan

1. Kali hai par Kaag Nhai Lambi hai par Naag Nhai Balkhati hai par Dor Nhai Bandhte hai par Dor Nhai Baato Kya? Ans: Choti 2. Bujho Bhaiya Ek Paheli Jab Kaato to Nai Naveli? Ans: Pencil 3. Aisa Kon si hai Jiska aana bhi kharab aur jana bhi kharab Ans: Ankhe 4. Somvaar ka din tha 2 chor bank loot kar ek car mai bhaage Police ne choro ka peecha kiya Peecha karne par pata chala ki choro ki car ke peeche ki number plate ki lights kharaab thi Aur Police ki Jeep ki head lights kharaab thi Batao police ne un choro ko kaise pakda? Ans: Somvaar ka Din Tha. Din me Light ki jarurat nhi hoti. 5. Lal Ghoda Ruka rhe. Kala Ghoda Bhagta Jaye Btao Kon? Ans: Aag/Dhua 6. Kali Kali Maa Laal Laal Bache Jidar Jaye Maa Udhar Jaye Bache Bato Ky? Ans: Train 7. Mai Maru Mai Katu Tum kyo Rote ho Btao Kya? Ans: Onion 8. Bimar nahi rehti mai Fir bhi khati hu goli Bache bude sab dar jate Sun kar iski boli Btao kya? Ans: Gun 9. Agar Naak pe chad jau Kaan pakad kar tumhe padau Btao kya? Ans: Chasma 10. Dunia bhar ki karta sair Dharti pe na rakhta pair Din me sota raat me jagta Raat andheri meri bagair Jaldi batao mai hu kaun? Ans: Moon(Chaand) 11. Kala Ghoda Safed ki sawari Ek utra to dusre ki bari? Ans: Tava and Roti 12. Aise kon se chej hai Jise jitna khicho vo utni hi Choti hoti hai? Ans: Bidi and Cigrate 13. Dhoop dekh mai aa jau Chav dekh sharma Jau Jab hawa kare muje sparsh Mai usme sama jau Btao Kya? Ans: Pasina 14. Ek din, Ek vakil aur uske bete ka accident ho gaya Unhe hospital le jaya gaya Operation room me Doctor ne Enter kiya aur ladke ko dekh kar kaha ye to mera beta hai To my frends bataiye doctor ne us ladke ko apna beta kyo kaha? Ans: Vo Lady Doctor Uski Maa Thi 15. Ladki ke paas wo konsi cheez hai jo uske paas Shadi se pahle bhi hoti Aur Shadi k baad bhi Par Shadi wale Din Nhi hoti? Ans: Surname 16. Khridne Par Kala Jalane par Laal Fenkne par Safed Btao kya hai? Ans: Koyla 17. Ek Raja ki anokhi Rani Dum k sahre piti Pani Btao Kya? Ans: Diya 18. Ek Phool hai Kale rang ka Sir par hamesha suhaye Tej Dhoop me khil khil jata Par chaya me murjaye? Ans: Umbrella 19. Ek Pita ne apne bache ko gift dete hue kha Isme aise chez hai ki jab tumhe pyaas lage to pee lena Jab bukh lage to kha lena Aur jab sardi lage to jala lena Btao aise kon se chez hai jo hamare itne kaam ayegi? Ans: Nariyal 20. Dhup me aane par jalne lagti hai Chav me aane par murjha jati hai Hawa chalne par mar jati hai Btao Kya? Ans: Pasina 1. Hari Dandi Lal Kaman Toba Toba Kare Insaan Btao Kya? Ans. Lal Mirch (Red Pepper) 2. Bikhari nahi par bikh mangata ha ladaki nahi par pars use karta hai pujari nahi par ghanti bajata hai batao kon hai wo? Ans. Bus Conductor 3. Do Sunder Ladke Dono ek Rang Ke Ek Bichad Jaye To Dusra Kaam Na Aaye Ans. Juta (Shoes) 4. Aisi kon se chiz hai jise Aage se to bnaya hai bhagwan ne Or piche se insaan ne? Ans. Ball Gaddi 5. Ek Gufa ke Do Rakhwale. Dono Lambe Dono Kale Gusses? Ans: Muche 6. Ek Chota sa Sipahi Uski Khich kar Nikkar Lai Btao Kya? Ans. Kela (Banana) 7. 8 ko likho 8 baar Utter aaye 1000 Bata Kaise? And: 888 88 8 8 8 ----------- 1000 ------------ 8. Aisi kon si cheej hai Jo adhik thand Sardi me bhi pigalti hai ? Ans. Mombati (Candel) 9. Padhne me Likhne me Dono Me hi Mai Aata Kaam Pen Nhi Kagaj Nhi Btao kya hai Mera Naam ? Ans. Chasma 10. Seene se Seene mile Mile ched se ched Dhachar Dhachar hoke Nikle safed safed ? Ans. Aata Chaki

Party SMS

1. University is like a gorgeous woman. You try really hard to get in, then, nine months later, you wish you had never come. 2. Bubly-“Hello? Is this fire department?” “Yes.” Bubly’ “Listen, my house is on fire! Come soon!” “Okey, how do we get to youer house?” Bubly, “Don’t have those big red trucks anymore?” 3. A man says to his wife, “You never tell me when you have an orgasm.” The wife replies, “you are never home.” 4. Bebly-“Mummy did you see me before I was born?” Mother-“No.” Bubly-“Then how did you recognize me after my birth?” 5. Who cares for your heart and soul all I’d ever get into, is your hole! 6. Bubly-“There were over two hundred boys in my class, and I never kissed one of them.” Bunty-“Which one was that?” 7. Tum mujhe bistar me mil jao aur mein tumhein apne hoton se mahsoos kroon. Tum hi ho jo mera din achchha banaate ho. I Love U Nescafe. 8. Bubly-“Is this my train?” Station master-“No, it belongs to the Railway company .” Bubly-Don’t be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to khandala.” Station Master-“No Madam, it’s to heavy.” 9. Q-What’s a birth control pill? A-The other thing a woman put in her mouth to keep from becoming pregnant. 10. Bubbly-“what would you give me if I would reach the great Mount everset?” Bunty-“a push!” 11. It’s easy to understand why she talks twice as much as most woman-she has a double chin. 12. Q-what two thing in the air can get a blonde pregnant? A-Her feet! 13. Q-why are blondes like cornflakes? A-Because they are simple, easy and they taste good! 14. Bunty (proudly)-“My wife is an Angell” Monty-“You are lucky, mine’s still alive! 15. Can’t take my eye off your eyes. Wish the same would go for our lips too! 16. Bunty and bubbly were on bed. Bubly-“You are a man in a million.” Bunty pushing bubbly away from him-“What, there have been that many others?” 17. A working girl who applied for a job in a big factory was told to fill in the usual form calling for name, address, age, etc., she brought it back and under the heading “sex” had entered ‘Four times a work.’ 18. Bunty and Monty looking for their lost wives.... Bunty-“What yours look like?” Monty-“She’s 5’9”, fair, 36-24-36,blue eye.. and yours? Bunty-“Forget mine, let’s look yours....!!!” 19. Every time I say, ’I love you’ all I want to do is screw! 20. He’s a real carefree guy-doesn’t care as long as it’s free.

Party SMS

1. Law of conversation of love. Love can neither be created nor be destroyed but can be transferred from one girlfriend to another with some slag. 2. Man-“Cut my hair short.” Barber-“How much short?” Man-“So short that my wife cannot pull them.” 3. Mrs Fauja says , “Mr. Fauja, you are a sex maniac.’ Fauja says, “Get out of this bed, and take your fucking sister with you.’ 4. Life is a paradox whatever you want you don’t enjoy what ever you enjoy is not permanent is boring... 5. Love-When you write poem about your partner. Lust-When all you write is your phone number. Marriage-When all you write is cheques. 6. Q-What is the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? A-When you are driving in the fog, you can’t see the asshole in front of you. 7. Love is moral even without legal marriage but marriage is immortal without love. 8. Before you speak; listen. Before you Spend; earn. Before you Write; think. Before you criticize; wait. Before you pray; forgive. Before you quit; try. Before you die; live. 9. Before marriage a man Yearn for a woman afterward the “Y” is silent. 10. Q-What do a coffin and a condom have in common? A- They are both filled with stiffs-only one’s coming and one’s going. 11. Bachelor-How much expenditure is involved in a marriage? Married Man-Initial expenditure is about 2lakhs and then your monthly salary, in easy instalments. 12. Best way to approach a girl... Go to her and say “ Is your dad a Terrorist?” She will say “What?” Then you say no no, “ I asked it because you are such a Bomb.” 13. Q-Bunty ne pariksha me dete samay kapde kyo utar diye? A-Kyunki paper me likha tha, “Answer in brief.” 14. Why did the polack stick his prick in boiling water? His wife told him to get sterilized. 15. Q-Why do woman have nipples? A-To make suckers out of man! 16. Boss to secretary- “If I asked you to become my private secretary at Rs. 25000 per month, would you say yes?” Smiling sweetly, She replied-“Twice a day, if necessary.” 17. Q-Which is the smallest hotel in the world? A-The Vagina Inn. It can accommodate only one standing occupant at a time, with his two pieces of luggage left behind at the lawn! 18. Bubly to bunty-“I fell like taking a long, quite walk in the moonlight.” Husband-“Good idea. Take the dog with you.” 19. Birth control slogan-“Accident cause people.” 20. She can talk 50 per cent faster than anyone can listen.

Party SMS 11. A girl goes to the gynaecologist and he examines her. He says, “You have acute vaginitis.” She says, “ Thank you.” 12. Lady-“ Are children allowed to travel without ticket in the bus?” Conductor-“Only under 10.” Lady-“good, I’ve only 7.” 13. Apne pajame me naada daal nahi sakte hain, Aur kaargil mein ladne ka daawa karte hain, Ghar me biwi ke ghulaam banaker rhte hai, aur baahar aakar khud ko shshansham,Bante hai! 14. Q-wait 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, has a head on it and woman love it and woman love it A-Money. 15. Q- Why is a sheep better than a woman? A-Because a sheep doesn’t care if you fuck her sister. 16. Knowledge-Knowing what to do. Skill-Knowing how to do it. Wisdom-Nothing doing it! 17. Lady-“Doctor I have an infection down there.” Doctor-“How often do you have sex?” Lady-“Once in six months.” Doctor-“God, that’s not infection, that’s rust...” 18. Q-How is a condom like a wife? A- They spend too much time in ur wallet, and not enough time on ur dick. 19. Lattle Bunty catches his parents making love. “Hey dad! What are u doing?” Dad- “I am Filling your mother’s tank.” 20. Bunty- “Oh , yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. “The milkman filled her this morning.

Party SMS

1. In an interview, Pamela Anderson said that if she were Hillary, she would leave President Clinton. In response, Clinton said, “If Pamela Anderson were Hillary, nothing like this have happened at all!” 2. Considering that in order to get married, you have to have a marriage licence, what do two lesbians have to get? 3. Sardar-“Will you marry me?” Girl-“sorry, I am a lesbian.” Sardar-“What’s a lesbian?” Girl-“I like to have sex with girl only.” Sardar- “Wow, I’m also lesbian.” 4. Tere hothon se lag kar yah hawa sharab ban gai, Aankhon se lag kar yah hijaab ban gai,Aur gaalon se lag kar yah gulab ban gai. Sach hi kahti hai yah duniya jaaneman ki muje se mil kart u laajawaab ho gai. 5. In some function a man asked a boy-“where is your father?” Boy-“stand beside my mother he will come automatically.” 6. Wife is incoming call calls, Girlfriend is outgoing calls, Aunties are toll free call girl roaming calls and neighbour’s girl are missed calls. 7. It takes a brave man to admit his mistake, especially in the middle of a paternity suit hearing. 8. Q-Did you hear about the blind gynaecologist? A-He could read lips. 9. Monty-“Do you believe in free love?” Billo-“Have I ever given you a bill?” 10. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half –shut afterwards. 11. Lady to doctor-“I believe I’m losing my mind... I can’t remember Anything over 5 minutes!” Doctor-“Just take off all your clothes, Miss, and lie down..” 12. Jab dekha unhone tirchi nazar se, To hum madhosh ho gaya, par jab pata chala ki unki nazarain hi tirchi hain, toh hum behosh ho gaye... 13. Judge-“Why do you want divorce from your husband?” Wife-“Because at midnight he gets up and says that now I should go to my home.” 14. Judge-“I have reviewed this case very carefully, and I’ve decided to give your wife Rs. 7775 per month.” Husband-“That’s very fair, your honour, every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.” 15. Funny full-form of names such as- 1. PEPSI-Please Enters Penis Slowly Inside. Yeh dil maange more! 2. COCA COLA-Cock One Ceremoniously Administered. Crack One Luscious Aperture. Life ho to aisi! 16. Jack and Jill went up the hill for just an itty bitty. Jill’s now 2 months overdue, and jack has left the city. 17. Q-Why is sun tanned girl like a roasted chicken? A-Because the white parts are the best. 18. Judge-“I’m sorry Mrs. Fauja, your daughter is only 15. I can’t issue her a marriage licence.” Mrs. Fauja-“Judge sahib, do you mean my daughter is too young to do what she has already done?” 19. Tu mere dil me aisa samaayi, Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi. Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains aayi hai!!! 20. Lady 1-“How does your husband always come home on the time?” Lady 2-“Have made simple rule. Sex will be at 9pm sharp, whether you are here or not!!”

Party SMS

1. How to impress a woman-Compliment her, respect her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy thing for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the end of the earth for her. How to impress a man-Show up naked. Bring beer. 2. In hospital several pretty nurses were wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. Why? “It’s just to keep the doctor away.” 3. Murray tells about the twines who meet after not seeing each other for some months. “you remember me,” says one to the other, “I used to be your womb mate.” 4. To make it straight she pulls it. To make it stand she rubs it. To make it stiff she licks it. To get it in she pushes it. What is she doing? Threading a needle! 5. The sudden entrance of a wife caused a secretary to change her position. 6. Q-How did the blone prove that woman enjoy sex more than men do? A-She said, “when your ear itches and you put your little finger in and wiggle it around and take it out again, what feels better, your finger or your ear?” 7. If your Father is a poor man, it’s your fate but, if your father-in-law is poor man , it’s your stupidity. 8. SIGN ON COMMODE “Use me well, and keep me clean, and I’ll not tell what I have seen.” 9. One sperm says to the other, “How far is it to the ovaries?” The other one says, “Relax. We just passed the tonsils.” 10. It you’re watching a movie on the TV, and girl says ‘No!’...You know it’s an old movie. 11. Q-What do you get when you sleep with a judge? A-Honourable discharge. 12. In olden days man’s greatest fear was that woman would take it to heart; today his greatest fear is that a woman will take it to court. 13. Humne bhukhe raskar aapko milaya phone, Aapne khaate hue phchhha hum aapke hain kaun? 14. In a train, Fauja with son and wife; Bunty’s top berth is taken by someone. His wife,jeeto is on the middle berth. Fauja complains to the TT, “A sleeping over my wife is not giving birth to my son.” 15. A boy and a girl argue about the possibility of rape. They try it; and he wins. “You didn’t win fair,” says the girl. “My foot slipped. Let’s try again.” 16. Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, spontaneous, Good looking, nice friends, Charming, Funny, well....Enough about me! How about you? 17. Q-What’s the difference between good girl and nice girl? A-A good girl goes home and goes to bed, and a nice girl goes to bed and goes home. 18. Did you here about the Vegas showgirl who says she has sex insomnia? She just can’t keep her thing closed. 19. 1st girl-“I’ve to be extreme careful not to become pregnant.” 2nd girl-“But, your husband has gone thru a vasectomy.” 1st girl-“That’s why I had to be careful.” 20. Usne kaha, itni mulaqat bohaut hai ro ro ke kaha- Thahro abhi raat bohaut hai, Aansoo mere tham jaaien, to phir shauq se jana aise mein kahan jaoge, barsaat bhoaut hail.

Party SMS

1. “You’re so unresponsive,” exclaimed the frustrated husband “that I would not be surprised if you used cold cream between your legs” “And you,” cackled his spouse, “must use vanishing cream between us.” 2. And this young lady says, “The difference between ‘like’ and ‘love’ is.” “If I like them, I let them, If I love them, I help.” 3. You now things have gotten bad when you have to fake your orgasms while masturbating. 4. Bunty can read his girlfriend like a book-in bed. 5. And have you heard about this interesting young lady who had seven husband at the age of 21. Two of her own and five of her friend. 6. Bunty-“Daddy, daddy, mummy kissed the milkman this morning.” Daddy-“Why is she wasting time with him? We Own the grocer Rs.5000.” 7. It’s easy to be full of glee. When your bra is a 42-D; but the gal worthwhile. Is the gal who can smile with two bosoms the size of a pea. 8. Bunty to teacher-“Me sleep with my daddy last night.” Teacher corrected-“I slept with daddy last night.” Bunty-“Then you must have come after I fell a sleep.” 9. If an apple A day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion a day to? It keeps everybody away! 10. Bunty-“Can I touch your software?” Bubly-“Show me your hardware?” Bunty-“Can I download in your system?” Bubly-“Use antivirus protection your programme may have H.I.V virus.” 11. Why is it that most woman don’t begin to get broad minded until they begin to get broad behinded? 12. If you ever want to success in your life-“Be sweet as honey.” “regular as a clock.” 13. “Be fresh as a rose.” “Be soft as a tissue.” “Be strong as a fock.” And “Be sure as death” 14. Mama is on the bottom, Papa is on the top. Baby is in the cradle, Hollerin, “Put it to her, pop.” 15. If her lips are on fire and she trembles in your arms, give her up man, she’s probably got malaria. 16. Peter, Peter, pumpkin Eater, Had a wife but couldn’t sleep her. He had her sister show her now... So peter is humping both gals now! 17. We’ve heard about a girl who wanted a divorce because her husband was getting indifferent. 18. If you tell a man anything, it goes in one ear and out of the other. And if you tell a woman anything, it goes in both ears and out of her mouth. 19. It’s no good, it’s over,” said Monica. “You are so bad in bed.” “Oh Come on,” said the man affronted, “How can you tell after 15 seconds?” 20. Winners take chances. Like everyone else, they fear failing, but they refuse to let fear control them.

Party SMS

1. How about the call-girl who came from a town so small the only thing open all night was her legs? 2. Pehle usne utari saree phir aaya petticoat ki bari, phir diya blouse uttar, jyada khus mat ho yaar, yeh thi ek kapade sukhane ki taar! Ha, ha, ha. 3. Q-Why’s the new contraceptive sponge such a great idea? A-Because after sex the woman can get up and wash the dishes. 4. Q-What’s the function of a woman? A-A life-support system for a pussy. 5. One wife to another-“you’ve been going around telling people there’s a wart on the end of my husband’s penis.” “ I did not. I only said it Felt like it.” 6. One good thing about sex –it brings lovers to closer together they can’t see anything wrong with each other. 7. The Chinese detective reports-“I climbed up the tree, so I could see. He played she. She played with he. I played with me. I fell of the tree. So i no saw-so sorree.” 8. Q-What do you do when your dishwasher stop working? A-Kick him in the balls. 9. Said the arrogant man, “I climb mountains for a hobby, but getting on top of you is probably going to be my biggest challenge to data, ”She replied calmly, “Well, that depends on the length of your rope.” 10. A lady tell her man I demanded good manners in bed just like at the dinner table. The man climbs into bed, slowly and says, ”Honey would you pass the vagina please! 11. I want you to do as i tell you, “said the doctor. “That’s what my boyfriend said,” replied the sweet young lady, “and that’s why I am here.” 12. Here’s a girl afraid of man, She tried it once with a fountain pen; the pen broke and the ink rank wild, and she gave birth to a purple child. 13. Q-why do you think I SMS u? IS it because I care? Or I miss you? Or I love you? Or I need you? A-No ! it’s because Time Pass Ke liye koi Bakra chhahiye! 14. An old bachelor, on being introduced to the mother of five daughters remarked- “Madam, I am pleased to meet the author of so many charming editions.” 15. She-This diamond you gave me is just an imitation. He-Yeah-and what I’ve been getting from you hasn’t been the real thing either. 16. Husband-“But you have no reason for leaving me.” Wife-“And I’ll have no reason if I stay.” 17. He-“Please, darling, whisper those three little words that make me walk on air,” She-“Go hang yourself.” 18.Q-Did you here about the butler who got his finger stuck in a dishwasher? A-They both got fired. 19. Q-Why do nudists have the best parties? A-When you go out on the dance floor, things are really swinging. 20. If you’re wondering what is that which a woman has in front and a cow at the back it is the letter. ‘w’

Party SMS

1. He come from a family of writers. His brother writes novels, his sister writes songs, his mother writes poetry. he writes bum checks. 2. He's very superstitious. In a fight, he always keeps a horseshoe in the glove. 3. He's managing his life on the cafeteria plan-self service only. 4. He not only want to eat his cakes-he also wishes for some other fellow's cookie. 5. When he borrows money, it's not only against his principal to pay interest, but also against his interest to pay the principal. 6. He has a sure-fire metod for saving money. He forgets whom he borrowed it from. 7. When you lend him money, he's telling the truth when he says, "I'll everlastngly indebted to you." 8. He fell love in with awomen at second sight. The first time he saw her he didn't know she was rich. 9. He's a guy that's really going far-always one step ahead of his creditors. 10. He denies that he married her because her dad left her a fortune. He insists he would have married her no matter who left it to her. 11. Nasbandi team workers visit a village again. A villager-"Aare phle aaye the to line kaat gaye, ab kya meter ukhar kr le jaoge?" 12. To 10 per cent out of him, you've got to at least his 50-50 partner. 13. Lend him money and you'll learn the difference between capital and labour. The money you lend him represents capital-getting it back represents labour. 14. His Wallet is alwayes full of big bills-allunpaid. 15. Did you hear about the stupid guy who put ice in condom? He wanted to keep the swelling down. 16. Once he hit a man and knocked him six feet in the air; then hesued him for leaving the scene of the accident. 17. He recently advertised-"Man with income tax blank would like to meet lady with income." 18. A bachelor is man who has missed opportunity to make a woman miserable. 19. Did you hear about masochist who said to her boyfriend-"Give me nine inches and make it hurt." He fucked her twice and slapped her. 20.Q-What’s the first thing man would invent if there were no more women on earth? A-A dishwasher that sucks cock

Party SMS

1. For sale Twins beds, I hardly used. 2. Q-Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? A-Because There balls fall over their assholes and their vapour lock! 3. Everyone has different phases of sex life- Age 18-Din raat. Age 28-Roz raat. Age 38-Jumme raat. Age 48-Chanddni raat. Age 58-Only jazbaat. Age 68-Ghalat batt! 4. If there's one thing worse than your doc telling you mthat you havevenereal disease, it's your dentist telling you. 5. Q-Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? A-Because they both drip when they are fucked! 6. Behind every sussesfull woman there is a satisfied man! Behind a satisfied man! 7. Q-what do you call the area between the vagina and the asshole? A-A chin rest 8. Men piss like cheap cameras-they just point and shoot. 9. Sher ki shadi thi. Barat me sab sheron ke beech ek kutta nach raha tha. Usse pucha 'aap yahan kaise? To kutta bola 'Shadi se phle hum bhi sher the. 10. Q-why did God give men penises? A-So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. 11. Q-What where the result of the first attempted penis transplantoperation? A-the orgen rsponded but the patient's hand rejected it. 12. Q-why is a hooker like the Midtown Tunnel? A-You pay before you enter! 13. Q-What is the similarity between toothpaste and boobs? A-Kholo, dabaao aur moh mein dallo! 14. Q-What do you fuch sheep on the edge of a cliff? A-They push back harder. 15. Q-Who's the most popular guy in the nudist camp? A-The one who can carrey two cups of coffee and a dozen doughnuts at the same time. 16. Help him when he's in trouble, and he'llnever forget you-especially the next time he's in trouble. 17. Q-What are jerk's favourite word? A-"Nothing's going to happen that you don't really want to happen" Or "Trust me I'll pull at out the right time." 18. Q-What's the only thing the government can't tax? A-A penis,because 95% Of the time it's inactive, 5% of the time it's in the hole, and it's got to dependents and they're both nuts. 19. Q-What did one tit say to the other tit? A-There must be a party down below, I see dick going in 20. Dhobi is the only person in the world who can say bhabhi kapde nikal ke rakhna hai abhi aa ke leta hoon.

Party SMS

1. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembring the same thing. 2. Ayoung girl swallowed a pin when she was nine and newer felt a prick until she turned seventeen. 3. A recent survey was coducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night 5% said it was to get a glass of water. 12% said it was to go the toilet. 83% said it was to go home. 4. A woman walked into the ladies toilet and saw a man standingup using the toilet. Shocked, she exclaimed,"This is just for women!" So'sthis,"he replied. 5. A guy come home from work and finds stranger on bed with his wife. He says,"What the help r u 2 doing?" His wife is turns to the stranger and sayes,"I told you he was stupid," 6. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. after 15 minutes, the man says,"Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!"Woman:"Me Too, you've been eating grass for the past 10 minutes!" 7. A priest saw a gril removing her blouse. The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes. When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked Dis time he prayed Gold pleaseclose your eyes. 8. A sexy female attorney we know consistently breakbreaks speed limits but newer get a ticket. Evewy time a policeman stop her shesimpaly laysdown the law. 9. A boss gave a minimum to his secondaryas 1st month's salary. In 2nd month he got impressed by her work and raised the list month's salary. 10. A sardar when to toilet ten time within half-an hour. Somebody asked,"sardar ji aapko chain nahin hai kya? Sardar,"Hai to sahi, par khul nahi rahi." 11. A man had no money on wife's birthday. So he sent cheque written"100 kisses" When he retur medhom is wife said: Thank for the cheque. I encashed it frm the bank manager! 12. An executive friend of oursis so dedicatedto his work that he keep the secreatary near his bed in case he geats an idea duringthe night. 13 At 20 he knew:at 40 hz done nothing at 60 he"iihave nothing 14. A notice in the factoryfor girl emloyees:if your skritis long, protrct yourself from machineand and if it's short,then from machine operators! 15. A blonde not nigro, took him home, stripped herself and saidtookt:the me to the bedand do what youblack guysare good atthe nigro tied her tv, stereo,VCR etcand run away! 16 A man asked a prostitute,:what;s your ceiling price? She answered-"Same as on the floor." 17. A kiss is a key to start sex from top floor. When you pass, go 2nd floor, play basketball an than go to ground floor to play golf! 18. A boy to his girlfriend-"Yeh to achchha hua ki raat tum tum mere sapney me aa gai aur mujhe nightfall ho gaya. Tumhari izzat bhi bach gayee aur mera kamam bhi ho gaya." 19. The bloke who said that all men are created equal never went to a nudist colony. Sometime girl can attract a man by her mind, but more often she can attract him by what she dosen't mind. 20. Galib is ditched by his girlfriendand is caught pissing on her gate. While at it, he recites-"Tere pyar mein yun dukhi hai Galib ki aansu bhi nikalte hai to raste badal badal ke'!

Top 10 Variety Jokes

1. Teacher: How were the exam quotestions? Student: Fine. But it was the answers I had troble with! 2. Teacher: Why do you say that Rome must have been built at night? Student I keep hearing people say it easn't built in a day. 3. Teacher: If you found 25 dollars in one pocket and 10 dollars in another pocket what would you have? Student: Somebody else's trousers. 4. Professor: Do you understand French very well? Student: Provided if it is spoken in English. 5. Teacher: Name the strongest water-power in the world? Student: My mother's tears. 6. "Why did the teacher have to weaar sunglasses?"Because his pupils were so bright." 7. Teacher: What would you like to be when you grow up, Tommy? Tommy: I'd like to be teacher, sir. Teacher: Would you, indeed? And why would you like to be a teacher? Tommy: Cause I wouldn't have to do any more learning. I'd know everything by then! 8. In Sunday school, a person was trying to illustrate the word 'miracle.' "Boys and girls," he said , "Suppose I stood on the roof of a ten storey building, lost my balance and fell off. Then all of a sudden, in mid-air, a whirlwind swept me up and brought me safely to the ground. Now what world would you use to describe this?" After a long silence, a boy raised his hand and said, "Luck?" "True, true" replied the person. "It could be luck but that's not the world I wanted. I'll repat the story. There I am on top of the ten story building again,, and I fall. A whirlwind catches me in mid-air and places me safely on the ground. think now, what word would describe the situation?" "Accident" cried out one girl. "No.no" answered the person."Listen carfully for the thrid time. I'm on that same building, I fall and am swept to safety by a sudden whirlwind. What word could account for my safley reching the ground?" The boys and girl shouted unison "Practice!" 9. "Alfred if i had 20 marbles in my right pocket and 20 marbles in my left pocket, 40 marbles in my right hip pocket and 40 marbles in my left hip pocket. Then what would i have?" "Heavy Pant, sir!!" 10. A Math teacher has just been knocked down by a car. A Police officer rushed over and asked "Were you able to get the license number of the vehicle that hit you, sir?" The Teacher replied "Well, Not exactly, but i do recall that if the number was multiplied by itself, then divided by three, the square root of the answer would turn to be the original number with the number reversed."

Variety Jokes/SMS

1. Teacher: Your homework is getting better. Freda: I know. My father decided to stop helping me. 2. Teacher: I need a responsible child to fetch. Lydia: I'll go. Every time something happens at home, my dad says I'm responsible! 3. Teacher (to unruly class): Now this afternoon, I want to tell you all about a hippopotamus. Please pay attention, all of you! If you don't look at me you'll never know what a hippopotamus is like. 4. Teacher: Let us take the example of the bussy ant. He works all the time, night and day.Then what happens? Thomas: Someone steps on him. 5. Teacher: Are you chewing gum? Student: No ma'am. I 'm Ronnie Jones. 6. Teacher: Why was George Washington bruied at Mount Vernon? Subham: Because he was dead. 7. Teacher: Who was the fastest runner ofall time? Sue: Adam. He was first in the human race. 8. Teacher: Jeff, if you cut an apple in two, what would you have? Jeff: Two pieces. Teacher: Correct. Now if you cut a pear in four, what would you have? Jeff: Four Pieces Teacher: Very good. If you cut a banana in eight, what would you have? Jeff: Eight pieces. Teacher: Good. Now, if you add it up, what would you get? Jeff: Fruit salad. 9. Teacher: To what family does the rhinoceros belong? Sneha: I don't know, sir. No one in our neighbourhood has one. 10. Geography Teacher: What's the name of the world's best know waterfall? Siddhart: Rain. 11. Teacher: Name five things that contain milk. Farmer's son: Three cows and two goats. 12. When is a student in trouble for something he didn't do? When he didn't do his homework. 13. Teacher: Why does the Statue of Librerty stand in New York Harbour? Max: Because it can't sit down. 14. Teacher: Tell me, Henry, how much is six and four? Henry: Eleven. Teacher: Wrong, Six and four are ten. Henry: You're wrong, teacher. Five and five are ten. 15. Teacher: Now, Harold, a problem in arithmetic, If your father owed Rs. 30 to the grocer, Rs. 150 to the landlord, and Rs. to the doctor, what would move to another city. 16. Teacher: The President is married to the First Lady. Riti: I thought Adam was. 17. Teacher: Johnny, how can you be such a perfect idiot? Johnny: I practice a lot. 18. Teacher: who wrote, 'Oh, say Can You See'? Student: An eye doctor. 19. Math Teacher: How much are 2+2? Lennie: 4 Teacher: Very Good. Lennie: Very good? That's perfect! 20. A man in the market place was shout-ing and trying to sell a packet: "Take this packet. It's the best way to keep flies away while having food." One man who was sick of files, took the packet and opened it. It had a slip in it saying: "Eat with the right hand and scare off the files with the left one!"

20 Best Variety Jokes and SMS

1. Manager: Do you believe in re-birth? Clerk: yes, sir. Manager: Then, it's okay. Because your brother, for whose death you'd taken leave last month, is here at the reception, waiting for you. 2. Deepak: Which man shaves more than ten times a day? Manish: Barbar. 3. Writer: Did you like my novel? Publisher: I liked the last two words. Writer: Which two words? Publisher: "The End." 4. One drunkard to another: I will become the prime minister of india tomorrow. The other replied: Only if I resign! 5. Salesman: Which soap and powder do you use, sir? Customer: Vicky's. Salesman: Is vicky a new company? Customer: No, he is my brother. 6. Some people: We're opening a school. we would like you to help us. Businessman: O.k., I'll put my child in your school. 7. Two People were talking in aparty. One said: Whatever people tell me, I believe only half of it. Other: why? First Person: Because I am a lawyer. Second Person: And whatever people tell me I believe in double of it. First Person: Why? Second Person: Because I'm an Income Tax Officer. 8. Subham: Are these vegetables fresh? Salesman: I've been selling these vegetables for the last four days, and there have been no complaints. 9. Father: Raju, the whole day I see you playng only. You must pay some attention to your studies also. Raju: Don't worry, dad. I'm paying 'some' attention to my studies. 10. A minister, during his speech, said, "I will live for you and i will die for you." A man from the crowd asked, "But when?" 11. One madam to the other: If I climb Mt. Everest, what will you give me? The other replied: A push. 12. Rina: I've just lost my dog. Riti: Why don't you put an advertisement in the paper? Rina: Don't be silly. My dog can't read. 13. Subham: Give me cigarette, old man. Old Man: I thought you have stopped smoking. Subham: I am just in the first stage. Old man: What do you mean by first stage? Subham: I've stopped buying. 14. "I must be getting absent- minded."said the old professor at the collage. "Whenever I start complkaining that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself." 15. A villager who had newly come to Mumbai waspassing through bicycles shops at Kalbadevi. He entred into one of the shop and asked for the prices of popular. 'Hercules Cycle'. Salesman: Rs. 2500,Sir,local taxes extra! Villager: Why so much for one bicycle? You could buy a cow for Rs. 2000? Salesman: That's right, but you'd look a fool riding on a cow. Villager: I'd look a bigger fool,trying to milk a bicycle. 16. Salesman: Sammy, is your mother at home? Sammy: yes, sir. Salesman: (After knocking for some time and getting no answer)I thought you said she was at home? Sammy: Yes, sir, but I don't live here. 17. "Hey", torist said to the mountaineer, "Your son just threw a rock at me as I passed by." "Did it hit you?" "No." "Well then mister, it wasn't my son." 18. Visitor: Why do you sign when you really don't have a good voice? Little Girl: Oh, I hate to dothat. But mummy makes me to do so when she wants the visitors to leave. 19. Ritu: Would you like to play with our new Subham: He looks very fierce, Does he bite? Riti: That's what I want to find out. 20. Isha: My new horse is very well mannered. Urvashi: That's nice. Isha: Yes, isn't it?Every time, we comes to a jump he stops and lets me go first!

Very Funny Variety Jokes and SMS

1. "If you see an elephant sitting on a chair-what time is it?" "Time to get a new chair." 2. Riti: "How's your new guitar?" Subham: "Oh, I threw it away." Riti: "Why?" Subham: "It had a hole in the middle!" 3. Woman at the door: I thought you were coming to repair the doorwell yesterday? Repairer: I did. I rang twice but got no answer, so I went home. 4. Why are skeletions frightened easily? Because they don't have guts. 5. Titu: Mummy did you see me before I was born? Mother: No. Titu: Then how did you recognize me after my birth? 6. A woman asked her husband to buy her a new car. The husband was sore and replied angrily, "what do you think, caars grow on trees?" "Of course not", said the wife. "Every-body know that they come from Plants." 7. What's the best thing to do if you find a ghost in your bed? Run! 8. Bragging Ghost: We're special because we can walk through walls. Proud Peson: So can we. We just open the door first. 9. Why did the two-headed monster do well in school? Because two heads are better than one. 10. Whatr did the mother fireefly ask the teacher? "Is Junior bright?" 11. What's the first thing a dog politican learns? How to shake hands. 12. Teacher: How do most students like school? Student: Closed. 13. A friend (in need of money) went to one of his friends and said, "Do you remember the saying, "A friend in need is a friend indeed"? 2nd Friend: Yes, stranger! 14. What happens when a dog talks too much? His tongue wags faster than his tail. 15. Principal: I'm happy to see you enjoying school. What's your favorite subject? Tim: Recess. 16. Waiter: Excuse me, sir, can I hang your coat for you? Man: Why?Did it commit a crime? 17. Diner: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup. Waiter: Don't worry, sir. The spider on the bread will eat it. 18. Diner: Waiter, it's been half an hour since I ordered that trutle soup. Waiter: Yes, sir, But you know how slow trutles are. 19. Customer: There's fly in the bottom of my tea cup, waiter. What does this mean? Waiter: How do I know? I'm a waiter, not a fortuneteller. 20. Diner: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: I've been looking all over for him.

Variety Jokes and SMS

1. Rahul, on coming back from school: oh! I had a tough day in the office today. Mummy: office? rahul: yeah! The principal's office. 2. Mother: Come on sally, eat our spinach. I will put colour in your cheeks. Sally: But mother, I don't want green cheeks. 3. Son: Dad, when does Independence Day Come? Father: when your mother is not at home. 4. Chunky: Mummy, why do you iron the clothes? Mother: To remove the wrinkles from them. Chunky: Then why doesn't grand-mother iron her face? 5. Mother: You've broken this expensive plate. Let your father come and he'll deal with you. Chintu: But, mummy, papa already knows. He was saying, "Let your mummy come." 6. Dad: Bert, why are your school reports so bad? Bert: Oh, that's the teacher's fault, Dad. Dad: What do you mean, it's the teacher's fault? your exam marks used to be always very good, and you've got the saime teacher, haven't you? Bert: yes, but I haven't got the brainiest boy in the class sitting next to me. teacher has moved him! 7. Subham: May I go swimming, Mummy? Mummy: No, you may not. There are sharks here. Subham: 'But Daddy's swimming' Mummy: He's insured'. 8. Father: well, son, how are your marks in your final exmination? Son: Underwater. Father: What is meant by underwater? Son: All below C level. 9. Father: Your teacher says he finds it impossible to teach you anything. Son: That's why I say, he is not good. 10. Son: Mummy, please let me have two more laadoos. Mummy: Leave some for tomorrow, dear. Son: Mummy, your yourself said, "Don't leave for tomorrow what you can do today." 11. Son: 'Remember, Dad, you told me that you will give me Rs. 250 if I pass my exam. Father: Yes, I do remember. Son. Then you're a lucky man you've saved dad amount. 12. Ram: My father fell asleep in the bathtub with the water running. Isha: Did the bathtub overflow? Ram: No, my father sleeps with his mouth open. 13. Subham: Why did you cut a hole in your umbrella? Riti: So that I could tell when it stops raining. 14. Father: The school report gives you a 'D' for conduct and an 'A' for courtesy. How did you manage that? Rajiv: Whenever I punch someone, I apologize. 15. Little Boy (calling father at office): Hello, who is this? Father (recognizing son's voice): The smartest man in the world. Little Boy: Pardon me. I got the wrong number. 16. A School boy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and drink your tea",said his mother. "Your stmach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it." Shortly afterwards dad came in from office, complaining of aheadache. "That's because it's empty." said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it." 17. "Dad, the boy next door said I look just like you." "And what did you say?" "Nothing. He's bigger than me." 18. Son to father: That maths problem you worked out for me last night was wrong. But don't worry about it, none of the other father got it right either. 19. It was open-school week and the pround mother was speaking to the teacher. "My child, hasn't he?" "Yes,"replied Mrs. Hough,"especially when it comes to spelling." 20. A father asked his son, "Have you been a good boy at school today?" "I sure was" the boy replied. "You can't get into much trouble when you're standing in the corner all day."

Top 20 Variety Jokes/Messages 11. Patient: Doctor, Your fees is enormous? Doctor: We give discount to our regular clients only. 12. Doctor: I'vetried so many different medicines on you, but there's no improvement. I think I will change the medicine once more this time. Patient: I have a better idea. I'll change the doctor this time! 13. Doctor:Your profession is very bad. A slight mistake on your part can make a man hang five feet above the ground. Lawyer: And your profession is also equally bad. The slightest mistake on your part can make a person get buriedd five feet under the ground. 14. Lunatic: Doctor, I get wet whenever I take bath. Doctor: Today you take bath withoutt water, then. 15. Subha: One of my uncles was a doctor, but he gave it up. Vaibhav: Why? Subha: He just didn't have the patients. 16. A man went to a dentist, sat in the chair and immediatedly began shouting and screaming. 'what's all the fuss about? Demanded the dentist, 'I haven't touched your tooth yet.' 'I know.'said the patient, 'But you're high!standing on my foot!' 17. 'Doctor!Doctor!I think I'm a Dog.' Sit down, Please.' 'Oh no! I'm not allowed on the furniture.' 18. Doctor,doctor! Everyone keeps ignoring me.' 'Next, please.' 19. 'Doctor, doctor! I fell I'm an Apple!' 'Well, come over here. I won't bite you.' 20. 'Doctor, doctor! I like a car!' 'Just park yourself over then car.'

Best Variety Jokes and SMS

1. Doctor: Well, madm, what did ur previous doctor say? Patient: He said I needed a complete changes. 2. Doctor: And what are you doing now? Patient: I've stared changing the doctors. 3. Doctor: The cheque you gave me has come back. Patient: That's all right, so has my fever. 4. Doctor: Would you like good news or bad news? Patient: Give me the good news. Doctor: You've got only live months to live. Patient: If that's the good news, what's the bad news? Doctor: I should d. have told you four month ago. 5. "Railways are public property." Seeing this written in one of the compart-ments, a man removed a fan from it and wrote a note there"Railways are public property. I'm taking my share frome it." 6. Dentist: What kind of filling do you want me to put in your mouth? Patient: My preference is choclate pudding. 7. When a patient was advised by the doctor not to go in for smoking or drinking, the patient replied: "All good things in life are either illegal, immoral, expensive or bad for health!" 8. Doctor: Don't worry, you are in good shape for a man of 70. Patient: but, doctor, the trouble is I am only 42. 9. Visitor: Well doctor, hurry, my son has swallowed a twenty five cent coin, Please take it out. Doctor: When did he swallow the coin? Visitor: Aboutt five years back. Doctor: And you're asking me to take it now. Visitor: Of course! I need it right now. 10. A man went to the optician to have his eyes teste. The optician sat him down and showed him a test card. 11. "Can you read that?" asked the optician. "No"said the man. The optician moved it closer, "now can you read it?" "No"Said the man. "The optician moved the chart even closer, "Surly you can read it now?" "No" said the man. "I can't, I've not readbefore!" 12. "Why are you laughing?" "My silly dentist has just pulled one of my teeth out." "I don't see much to laugh about it that. "Ah, but it was the wrong one!" 13. Doctor: I'm sorry to tell u, but u have rabies. Patient: Quock give me a pencil and paper. Doctor: Do you want to write ur will? Patient: No, I want to make a list of all the people I intend to bite. 14. Patient to Doctor: You've got to help me my head feels like a lump of lead, my throat is like a furred-up pipe. Doctor: it sounds like u need a plumber not a doctor. 15. Surgeon: How is the patient doing after operated on his heart? Nures: He's doing fine expert for one thing- he seems to have a double heartbeat. Surgeon: Ah! So that's where it's gone-I wondered where I lost my writewatch." 16. A farmer brought his brothe to a doctor and said,"Doctor, this is my brother, and he thinks he is a hen. Foe 30 years he thought he was a hen." "Why didn't you bring him earlier?"asked the doctor. The farmer replied: "Doctor, we are a poor family and we needed theeggs." 17. Patient: I've lost my memory. Doctor: when did this happen? Patient: When did what happen? 18. The doctor is talking to a woman in hospital bed. "I have some good news for u and some bad. First the bad news.We amputated the wrong leg. Now here is the good news-we've discovered that ur other leg doesn't need to be removed after all." 19. A Dentist charged a mother fifty dollars for publling her young son's tooth, "I thought u only charged ten dollars for pulling out a tooth,"she complained. "That's right,"the dentist said,"But ur boy screamed and cried so loud that he frightened four new patients out of my waiting room." 20. Doctor: I'm afraid ur baby swallowed afrog. mother: Oh, dear how is he? Doctor: I won't know until he stops hopping.

Best Funny Variety Jokes and SMS

1. A boy had the luck to break a leg while playing football. After, his leg had been put in plaster, he asked the doctor,"When u take the plaster off, will I be able to play the vilion?" "Of course u will," said the doctor reassuringly."That's funny."said the boy. "I couldn't before u put it on." 2. "Doctor, everyone thinks I'm a cricket ball.'' "How's that?" "Oh no, not you as well!" 3. Customer: The food you've served is half cold. waiter: well, eat the half that's hot. 4. Doctor: You were on the point of death. Your good constitution saved u. Patient: Please remeber that when u make the bill. 5. Nurse: Why did u cut out the end of the book? Doctor: It was marked appendix, so I removed it. 6. A doctor advised a very fat man to take up golf for exercise. "That's no good to me,"said the patient,"I've tried it before. If I put the ball where I can hit I can't see it, and if I put it where I can see it I can't hit it!" 7. "Doctor, please give me a death certificate for my cosin." "Who was the doctor attending him?" "He had no doctor. He died by himself." 8. Doctor: Put ur tongue out ! Come on, all of it! Child: I can't, doctor it's fastened at the other end. Psychiatist: What u need is a brain wash. Patient:Why a brainwash? Psychiatist: because u have a dirty mind. 9. Inside the operation theatre, the patient got very nervous and said,"Doctor, I'm very scared.It's my first operation." The doctor replied,"I know exactly how u feel. It's my first operation too!" 10. Maise: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?" Daisy: I don't know, what? Maise: Get dressed. Doctor is taking us out tonight. 11. Lady: My pet is sick. Can u recommend a good animal doctor? Nurse: I'm sorry, lady, all of the doctors I know are people. 12. Wife: Our son takes away my money no matter where I keep it. I don't know where to keep it. Husband: Keep the money in his text books. he'll never be able to find it there. 13. Wife(to her husband, wo was a policeman): Hey! Get up! I think somebody has broken into our house. Husband: Don't bother me, I am not on duty. 14. Mother: Why u are standing in front of that mirror with ur eyes closed? Daughter: Just to see how I appear when I am asleep. 15. Ajay: I want to see that new film in town, but I've heard it has a sad ending. Vijay: Oh no! Not at all. It had a happy ending, as everyone was happy when it ended. 16. Rita: How did u manage to cure ur son's habitof biting his nails? Sita: I knocked down all his teeth. 17. Sonu: My Sister got her head stuck in the washing machine. Monu: What happened then? Sonu: She got brain-washed. 18. Coming out of the examination hall, one boy said to his friend: How was the paper? Friend: I don't know anything, So I left the paper blank. Boy: Oh! Even I left the paper blank. Now the teacher will think that we've cheated. 19. Seeing three dogs with a man, Vinay asked him: What are the names of your. The man replied: Rajiv, Sanjiv and Manjit. Vinay asked: And what is ur name? The man: Tommy. 20. Teasing Ashok at his baldness, somebody said: Oh! I can see the moon in the daytime! Ashok(hitting him with stick on the head): I can show you stars as well.

Best Funny Shayari

1. Tum milo na milo milne ka gum nahin, Tum paas se nikal jaao to milne se kam nahin, Maana ki tumhen kadra nahin hamari, Par usne poochho jinhen hum haasli nahin. 2. Mandir mein jaap karta hoon, Masjid mein adaab karta hoon, Insaan se khain bhagwan na banjaun isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon. 3. Spell MOHABBAT M = Maut O = Ouljhan H = Haadsa A = Aansoo B = Barbaadi B = Bewafai A = Andhera T = Thanhaai 4. Ki hoya je lag gayi mehndi Aapan v sehra sajaawange Saun pata si tu saade naseeb vich nahi Hun teri choti bhain fasaawange 5. Yeh jo ladkiyon ke baal hote hai, Ladkon ko fasaane ka jaal hote hai, Khoon chus leti hain ladkon ka sara, Tabhi to inke honth itne laal hote hai. 6. Aasman ne badal se kaha Suraj ne kirno se kaha Hawaon ne patto se kaha aur Maine tumse kaha Chal chal hawa aanede 7. Taza hawa ka jhonka aaya, Khushbu teri saath laya, Phir mere dil ko khayal aaya, Ki aaj bhi mera dost nahi nahaya. 8. Galat nazar se dekhoge to har jagah kharabi lagegi, Aur sahi nazar se dekhoge to har sundar ladki Tumhe Bhabi lagegi... 9. Dil ka dard dil todne wala kya jane, Pyar ke rivajo ko zamana kya jane, Hoti hai kitni taklif ladki ko patane mein Ye ghar pe baitha ladki ka baap kya jane. 10. Arz hai- Raat ke andhero mey taroo se ye dua karte hai. Tum na aana mera khayalo mein hum bahut se bahut dara karte hai. 11. Kabir in Net Age- Kahat kabir suno bhai sadho aisa kalug ayega, Love hoga internet par, Bacha fax se aayega. 12. Dar dar bhatakte firte hai armaan ki tarah, Har koi milta hai anjaan ki tarah, In doston se call ki aas kya rakhna, yeh to SMS bhi bheja hai eshaan ki tarah. 13. Kudrat ne jab tumhe banaya hoga Total confusion ka mahol chhaya hoga Banana hoga gadha ya bandar phir dono ka combination pasand aaya hoga. 14. Tum mano ya na mano yeh hakikat hai Dosti insaan ki Zarurat hai Kisi din aao humari mehfil mein Ek achhe waiter ki zarurat hai. 15. Arz kiya hai- Massage pe Massage bheja karte ho Bheja kharab karte ho Khud ke bheje mein to kuch hai nahi Auron ke bheja hua bheja karte ho 16. Kya aanken hai, kya baatein hai Kya chehra paya hai, Aisa lagta hai Jaise..Jaise peepal k ped se bhoot utar kar aaya hai. 17. Tumko dekha to ek khayal aaya, Tumko dekha to ek khyal aaya, Tumhari saheli ko dekha to doosra khyal aaya..? 18. Ghunghat mein tuje dekha to deewana hua, Sangeet ka tarana hua, Shama kaparwana hua, Masti ka mastana hua, Jaise hi tune ghunghat uthaya is duniya se rawana hua. 19. Sab yad tumhi ko karte hai, Yumhare aane ki aahat se bhi darta hai, Na jite hai na merte hai, Aap hume plz batain ki... aap close-up kyon nahin karte hai. 20. Shaam Hote hi ye diludaas hota hai, Toote khwabo ke siva kuch na paas hota hai, Aapki yaadaise waqt bahut aati hai, Jab BANDAR koi aas paas hota hai.

20 Best Funny Jokes

1. In school he got 100 in the exams-25 in geography, 25 in science, 25 in Arithmaetic and 25 in History. 2. He has a strange growth on neck his head. 3. She's so dumb, mind readers only charge her half-price. 4. Shortest love story he asked,"will you marry me?" She replied,"no." He livedhappily ever after. 5. Q- Why's a tight pair of pants like a cheap hotel? A- There's no ball room. 6. Seek not to change the world, but choose to change your mind about the world. 7. Q- Why does the teacher wear sun-glasses? A- Because her students are so bright. 8. They call her "Plymouth Rock." she has a shape like a Play mouth and a head like a rock. 9. She has a baby face - and a brain to match. 10. Some events in life are so beautiful that it never has an end but always a new beginning. Happy Wedding. 11. So when you are lonley, remember its true - somebody somewhere is thinking of u I Love You. 12. Q- How can you tellur wife is getting too fat? A- They ask her to donate her braas a shelte for the homeless. 13. Smile Means S = Sets you Free M = Makes you special I = Increases your face value L = Lifts up ur spirit E = Erases all your Tensions and... So smile yaar 14. How about the kid whose father cut the pockets out of his pants so that he wouldn't have to buy him toys? 15. Since i met you... the word we is more magical than you and I... 16. His parents always signed his report card with an X, so the teacher wouldn't know that anyone who could read and write had a son like that. 17. Q- Why do black men love eating pussy? A- They smell like catfish on the outside and look like watermelon on the inside.

Funny English Jokes/SMS

1. Q- Why do women have such big tits and tight pussies? A- Becoz men have such big mouths and little peckers. 2. Rita- What's the difference between like and love? Bubly- If ilike boy, i let him. If i love him, i help him. 3. Hey Enzo how'd ur sister Angie get that black eye? She was jumping rope and forgot to put on her bral. 4. Q- Why does Fauja brings binoculars in his own marriage? A- To see his far relatives. 5. Resolve to make each day the very best and don't let anyone get in your way. If they do, step on them. 6. Rose are wating for hours, need one touch of yours. My life is like a rose, need one SMS dose. Flowers grow with love and sunshine; I'll live till you are love of mine. 7. Q- what are a blone's three greatest lies? a. You're the best. b. You're the biggest. c. It doesn't always smell that way. 8. Patient in a hospital is told not to ask the nurse for a urinal, but to ask for "vase." Nurse- "How big is ur bouguet?" 9. Roses are red my heart is sad; a smile from you will make glad... Roses are red, Violets are blues. My Dog is pregnant, thanks to u! 10. Q- What's thee difference between a lawyer and an onion? A- You cry when you cut up an onian. 11. A little girl had just finished her first week at school. "I"m just wasting my time,"she said to her mother."i can't read, i can't write and they won't let me talk." 12. "you have seen sleeping with my wife?" "Me?" "you're kidding. heck no!" Try her sometime... she's better than urs." 13. "For the fifty-dollar question,"stated the quiz master, "who was the first man?" A woman replied, "Even for a million dollars I can't tell you. 14. Q- What are three things a woman can do that a man can't? a. Have a baby. b. Have her period. c. Get laid when she's dead. 15. Scientists are tyring to...figure out how long a person can live without Brain pleae tell them your Age! 16. Same old smiles, same old tears, same old sorrows, same old cheers. Once again, It's New ear on the top Let's have a dew drop of new hope Happy New Year! 17. Q- Why do women like hunters? A- Three- They go deep into the bus. They always shoot twice, And they always eat what they shoot. 18. The little boy peeping through the keyhole on his sister wedding night and saying,"God damn-and they scold me for sucking my thumb!" 19. Sending a wish to help you along to the day when you've fully recovered from your accident and are perfectly strong. Get well soon... 20. Since I've seen you, I know what love is, you drive me crazy. I can't live without you, I wanna marry you. It's not for you stupid. This is what others keeps telling me.

Funny SMS and Jokes

1. Agar aap ke haath aasman tak jaate, Agar aapke haath aasman tk jaate, To chaand sitare to kya aap khuda ki chaddi tak khinch laate... 2. Muyawati came to Laloo's House with a goat... Laloo- Bhainswa ko kyun lai ha...? Maya- Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai...? Laloo- Hum goatwa se hi pooch raha hun...! 3. Aaj aap "Jigar" bhi mangoge to hum denge, Dil bhi mangoge to denge, Roti, Kapda aur Makan bhi denge, Kyoki teeno filmo ki VCD Hai... Aaake le jana. 4. Ek Ramlila ka hanuman tha farar, Is role mein unhone fit kiya Sardar, Maar ke ped se lambi chaalang, Bola sita maiya SAS-RIYA-KAL... 5. Kaise ho maze mein?? tabiyat kaisi?? Baki anand mangal?? Ungli me dard to nahi na?? Aankh bhi ok?? Dimag thikane?? Kamaal hai yaar fir SMS kyun nahi karte...?? 6. Robert- Boss isne kuch bhi nahi kiya phir ise saza kyun di? Ajit- Smart boy! aajkal Prepaid ka zamana hai ! Phele saza aur phir galti karo. 7. Yaad hai pehle hum kahan mile the... Train ruki, Khidki khuli, Nazro se Nazre mili aur aap ne kaha idly, Dosa, Wada, Sambhar, Chaye... 8. Tum hame itne SMS karte ho, Kya iska peeche tumhara koi plan hai, Ya auro ki tarah tum bhi mapun ka ek fan hai... 9. Dhaniya Rs. 3, Mirchi Rs. 4, Aaloon Rs. 5, Kaanda Rs. 6, Tamatar Rs. 10, Palak Rs. 5, Ye sab to mehanga hai. Par SMS sasta hai.. phir krte kyon nahi. 10. Kabristan ke chokidar ki kabar pe baithe hue kutte ke gale mein chupe hue keere ke pet me Rehne wale bimar bacteria ke virus, Ek SMS to kar. 11. __________ mere mobile ko tere mobile sepyar ho gaya hai Is liye line mar raha hai... 12. Baap bete se:- Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye. Beta baap se:- Mujhe chand jaisi biwi chahiye... Jo raat ko aaye or subha chali jaye. 13. Ek chiti aur haati ko pyar ho gaya... Chiti ke maa-baap ne shadi se inkar kar diya... Reason puchha to kaha... Ladke ke daant bahar hai. 14. India ko azad hue 60 saal ho gaye, Phir bhi no progress... Kyun??? Kyunki aaj bhi India mein aap jaise log apna kaam chod kar Mere SMS padte hai aur pareshan hote hai. 15. Tum pas aaye, Yun muskuraye, apne battis daant aise dikhaye, Dekh ke mera dil phoot-2 ke rota hai yaar tumse Brush bhi thik se nhi hota hai. 16. Abe Khajur, zoo se bhage hue langur, Abe sade hue kele ke chilke, chuse hue aam, Circus k retired bandar, aisa kisi ko na kehna, Feel hota hai. 17. Apun dono mein smart kaun? Intelligent kaun? Gud luking kaun? Charming kaun? Famous kaun? Wo tum to nahi ho fir bacha kon? 18. Kabristan mein khujli wala bandar sabko dara raha tha, Muje bhi darane aya, par main dara nahi, Kyuki maine tumhe pechchan liya tha. 19. Kya lekar aaye the aap... kya lekar jaoge... Mujse SMS na kar k jannab... aap kitne paise bachaoge. 20. Meri taraf seapko 1 pappi, Apki saheli ko ek pappi, Aapki shali ki shali ko ek pappi bataun kyun? Aaj hi meri dog ne 10 pappi ko janam diya hai.

Best Veg. Jokes/SMS

1. Gabbar:"Are O Sambha kitne aadmi the.. ?? . . . . . Sambha:"Pata nahi sarkar mai to Ladkiya dekh raha tha 2. काफी देर से रोमांटिक मूड में बैठा संता पार्क में किसी को न पाकर जल्दी से अपनी गर्लफ्रेंड को एक किस करता है. गर्लफ्रेंड ने अपने हाथों से उसे दूर हटाते हुए कहा: प्लीज, शादी के पहले यह सब मत करो. संता शरमा कर बोला: फिक्र मत करो, मैं पहले से ही शादीशुदा हूं. 3. Q: Why did the tofu cross the road? A: To prove he wasn't chicken. 4. Lalu : Vidvano ne kaha hai.. ki Murkh aadmi ki biwi bahut sundar Rabdi : Dhat.... Aap ke paas to hamaar taarif ke Alawa kono kam nahi hai 5. Santa and Banta were playing chess Santa: Chal yaar bas karte hain, pak raha hai. Banta: Haan yaar, waise bhi tera sirf haathi bacha hai aur mera sirf ghoda. 6. Ek kutiya ne 4 pillon ko janam diya Pillon ne pucha papa kahan hai kutiya boli chup raho kamino papa jokes ko padhne mein busy hain 7. Q: What's the best way to keep milk fresh? A: Leave it in the cow! 8. Bus stop pe ek ladki dupata bandhe khadi thi tabhi ek uncle aaye or bole Are janeman ek bar is chehre ka didar toh kara de Ladki - Papa mein hun 9.1970 Ka Bhi Ek Zamana Tha Jab Log Puchha Karte The. Engineer Sahab Ka Ghar Kaun Sa Hai? Jawab Milta Tha Wo Jo Bada Bangla Hai, Wahi Rahte Hai Aur Ek Ye 2013 Hai Jab Log Puchte Hai Excuse Me, Yahaan Engineer Ka Ghar Kaun Sa Hai? Aur Jawab Milta Hai Abey, Kisi Bhi Ghar Mein Ghus Ja, Ek Na Ek To Mil Hi Jayega 10. Sardar ki Biwi- O ji, Mere Mobile Me Kisi Ne "I LOVE YOU" Ka MSG bheja hai. Sardar- Oye! Aise msg recv nhi karni chahiye. Wapas bhej de sale ko 11. Banta Went for Divorce Judge: You have 3 Kids How Will you Divide Them? Banta Thinks Hard & Says, ‘Oye.. IDEA, We’ll Come Next Year With 1 More 12. लड़की: बाबा, मेरे मोबाइल में बैलेंस नहीं रहता. क्या करूं? निर्बल बाबा: बॉयफ्रेंड है या नहीं? लड़की: नहीं. निर्बल बाबा: बस, इसीलिए कृपा रुकी है. बॉयफ्रेंड बना लो, कृपा शुरू हो जाएगी. 13. Q: Why does the vegan never get any play? A: Because she/he has really bad gas. 14. Santa Petrol-Pump Par Scooter Leke Gaya Aur Bola. Santa: “Bhai 5 Rupaye Ka Petrol Daal Do” Salesman Ne Suna Aur Majak Udate Hue Puchha: “Bhai Itna Sara Petrol Dalva Ke Kahan Jana Hai?” Santa: “Jana Kahan Hai, Hum To Aise Hi Paise Udate Hai“ 15. Q: What do you call a vegan guy who likes to pleasure himself? A: A non-dairy creamer. 16. Sab Log Apne-Apne Tarike Se Maarte Hai. Koi Jhuka Ke Maarta Hai, Koi Khade-Khade Maarta Hai, Koi Dheere-Dheere Maarta Hai, Koi Jaldi-Jaldi Maarta Hai, Tab Jakar Scooter Start Hota Hai. 17. Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY. Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed! Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon? 18. Kya aap Machharo se pareshan hai.....? Sone me takleef hoti hai ..? . . Machharo ke sone ke baad so jao What an idea sir ji 19. Bhikhari-10 rs dedo mobile recharge kara k girl frnd ko call krna h. Santa-Wah bhikhari ne bhi grlfrnd banayi h.? Bhikhari-Naji Grlfrnd ne bhikhari banaya h 20. संता ने अपनी बीवी को अपने एक दोस्त के साथ सोते देख लिया उसने आव ना देखा ताव बंदूक उठाई और दोस्त को गोली मार दी. बीवी ने ये देखा और गुस्से में आके बोली: तुम अपने गुस्से पे काबू रखो, वरना एक दिन अपने सारे दोस्तों से हाथ धो बैठोगे….

Republic Day SMS

1. This is the country of colors and faith in spirituals Lets this Republic day reminds us for the work and life given by our leaders to safe and happy life. HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY 2. Indian hone par kariye garv Milke manaayen loktantra ka parv Desh ke dushmanon ko milke harao , Har ghar par " TIRANGA " lehrao . " HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY " 3. I’ve got a rocket In my pocket; I cannot stop 2 play. Away it goes! I’ve burned my toes. It’s Republic Day. 4. Jai Jawan Jai Kisan Vande Mataram East of west India is the best.... 5. Aao jhuk kar salam kare unko, Jinke hisse me ye mukaam aata hai, Khus nasheeb hota hai wo khoon jo desh ke kaam aata hai . HAPPY-REPUBLIK-DAY 6. Watan ki sar bulandi me, humara naam shamil, Guzarte rehna hai humko sada ese mukamo se. Saare jahan se achchha Hindusitan humara-humara, Wish you a very happy Republic 7. Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. Happy Republic Day 8. Gandhi Swapna jab satya bana desh tabi jab gantantra bana aaj fir se yaad karo wo kurbani jo ki thi veeroon ne aur Bharat Gantantra bana Gantantra Diwas ki Shubh kamnayein 9. 120 Crore people combinely fall in love with one It is our nation, Our India Happy Gantantra Diwas, Happy Republic Day 2013 10. We the youth of India should take the pledge that till our last breath we will fight terrorism, we will protect our mother INDIA with all we have JAI HIND 11. Sabhi bharat vasion ko Republic Day ki hardik shubhkamnayein Meri dua hai mere desh per kisi ki nazar na lage Aese hi fulon ki tarah mahekta rahe.. Jai Hnd 12. Ye ek din ki vatanparasti mujh se nhi hoti, in khokle msges ka exchange deshbhakti nhi hoti. Happy Republic Day 13. 100 crores of people combined fall in love with one . . . . . . It is INDIA HAPPY REPUBLIC DAY. 14. Still Sleeping The nation need you You need to be Awaken You are part of world’s biggest Democracy Today is the day when We got our own constitution Its Indian Republic Day 15. Independence a Precious gift of God. May We Always Remain Independent. A Very Happy Republic Day To You. 16. Gratitude to all our brothers who scarified their lives for the nation JAI HIND 17. Honoring with you the glory and power of our free homeland. Happy Republic Day! 18. =–..__..-=-._. !=–..__..-=-._; !=- -..@..-=-._; !=–..__..-=-._; ! i i ! ! HAPPY REPUBLICAN DAY Let’s Sing with me our National anthem And salute to our INDIA. 19. Gandhi swapna jab satya bana Desh tabhi jab gantantra bana Aaj fir sae yaad kare woh mehnat Jo thi ki veero ne,aur bharat gantantra bana. 20. Kyun marte ho yaro snam ke liye, Na degi duppta kfan ke liye, Marna hai to maro VATAN ke liye, TIRANGA to mile ga kfan ke liye. Jai Hind Happy Republic day

Lohri SMS/Jokes

1. Jaise Jaise lohri ki aag tez ho Waise waise hamre dukhon ka ant ho Lohri ka parkash Aap ki zindagi ko parkashmay kar de. Happy Lohri. 2. Moongfali di khusboo te Gurh di mithaas, Makki di roti te Sarson da Saag, dil di khushi te apneya da pyar, mubarak hove tuhanu Lohri da tyohar. 3. Wishing you a very Happy Lohri and Makar Sakranti as well. May this harvest season bring you prosperity And help you to fly high like a kite Let us celebrate together. 4. Happy Lohri.. Vekheya Sadi Yaari, Sawere Sawere Hi Wish Maari, Ehnu Kehnde Ne Hushiari, Hun Wish Karan Di Tuhaadi Hai Vaari 5. Is se pahle ki lohri ki sham ho jaye Mera sms auron ki tarha aam ho jaye aur Sare mobile network jam ho jaye Apko lohri ki shubh kamnayen.. HAPPY LOHRI 6. I wish :-You collide with GOD ABUNDANT BLESSING. Get arrested by SUCCESS and sentenced to a LIFE OF PROSPERITY- No bail granted.stay blessed… HAPPY LOHRI… 7. Phir aa gayi bhangre di vari, lohri manaun d karo taiyari. Agg de kol saare aao, sundariye mundariye jor naal gao. HAPPY LOHRI TO U AND UR FAMILY. 8. Sunder mundarie hoy Tera kaun vichara hoy Dula bhati vala hoy Duli di dhi viyai hoy Bus bus aa le 1 rupea baki lodi te ayi Happy Lohri. 9. Sardi ki thartharahat mein, moongfali, rewari aur gur ki mithas ke saath, Lohri mubaarak ho pyar, dosti aur rishtey ki garmahat ke saath 10. Hauli Hauli saare chadd gye Nawi umar di paudi mithiyaan yaadaan saahmb ke rakhiye Bhull jaayie gall kahi kaudi gachak Mungfali khha khaa rajjiye Te chabb chabb rajjiye reori HAPPY LOHRI 11. Santa Aur Uski Girlfrnd Garden Me Baithe The. Girlfrnd: Jaanu Kuch Essa karo ke meri Dhadkan Teej Ho jaye. Santa: Paaj Saalieye Tera Peo Aa Geya 12. May this festival of zeal and verve fill your life with lots of energy and enthusiasm and may it help you bring happiness and prosperity to you and your loved ones. Happy Lohri to one and all 13. 1Amli 2Amli Nu Kehnda... Yaar mai chota hunda kutte to deg piya c. 2AMLI - Bach geya c ke mar geya c 1AMLI - Yaar mainu ke pata ohdo ta mai jawak hunda see 14. Dance and sing as the bonfire of Lohri is lit. Happy Lohri 15. Hum aap ke dil me rehte hai, isliye har gum sehte hai, koi hum se pehle na keh de aap ko, isliye 1 din pehle hi aap ko ” HAPPY LORRY “Kehte hai! 16. Interviewr: Tel me opposite of good? Santa: Bad. Intvr: Come? Santa: Go. Intvr: ugly? santa: pichhli. Intvr: U-g-l-y-? santa: P-I-C-H-H-L-I. intvr: Shut Up. Santa: Keep Talking. Intvr: Get Out. Santa: Come in. Intvr: Oh My God. Santa: Oh Your Devil. Intvr: U R REJECTED Santa: I Am Selected.! BALLE BALLE BALLE 17. Twinkle Twinkle yaraan di car, Khadke glassi in the bar, Punjabi Bhangra te makhan-malai, tuhanu Lohri di lakh-lakh vadhai. Happy Lohri.. 18. Santa Entered In Ladies Toilet. Sareya Ladys Khadiya ho giya.. Santa: Oh Bas Bas Bathh Jao Izaat bas dil vich honi chayedi aa kahre hon de jaroort nhi. 19. Enjoy the Festival with Sweetness of Happiness Dipped in honey. Happy Lohri 20. Mithaa gurh te vich mil geya til Udi patang te khil geya dil Har pal sukh te har vele shanti Paao Rabb agge dua tusi Lohri khushiyaan naal manaao HAPPY LOHRI

Best Daughter's Day SMS

1. A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self. Happy Daughters Day 2. A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. 3. I Still remember those days, Those beautiful memories, And the moments with Lovely Daughter I Spent Happy Daughter’s Day 4. You make us proud everyday In your own special unique way You’ve filled our hearts with love and smile We shall protect you, every mile Happy Daughter’s Day. 5. Happy Daughter’s day to a wonderful Daughter Today and always, you’re thought of with more love and pride than you can imagine. 6. My darling baby, its your day So let me know, what’s the plan today Lets live this day and make it worth You made my life, by taking birth Happy Daughter’s Day. 7. A daughter is the best thing that can happen to you because a daughter fills you heart with magic and love.. Happy Daughters Day 8. Yun toh harr din khaas hai, Jo mera pariwar mere saath hai, Par aaj mujhe kuch kehna meri beti sae, Mujhe garv hai usper aur uske har dard ka ahsaas hai 9. A daughter is a day brightener and a heart warmer. Happy Daughters Day 10. Daughters are angels Sent from above To fill our heart With unending love. Happy Daughter’s Day 11. A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart. Happy Daughters Day 12. The fourth sunday of the month is Daughters Day Celebrate her, Celebrate the Day. Happy Daughter's Day 2011. 13. A daughter is one of the most beautiful gifts this world has to give. Happy Daughter’s Day 14. A daughter is the happy memories of the past, the joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future. 15. Mothers and daughters are closest, when daughters become mothers. Happy Daughters Day 16. Happy Daughter’s Day to a smart, good-looking,charming,all-around great daughter! 17. Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she’s certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. 18. With each passing day you have evolved As a more beautiful individual. And on Daughter’s day I want you to know How much I am proud of you! 19. My darling daughter its your day Let’s go for a movie, shopping on the way Have fun is all I say Wish you a Happy Daughter’s Day. 20. It's so nice to have a daughter like you who brings happiness to the family That's why, on Daughter's Day You're wished all of the wonderful things you deserve.

Math Magic SMS

1. Full form of maths M=mentally A=admited T=teacher H=harassing S=students 2. Here is a mathematical rule: Expectations from Allah 100% + Expectations from Duniya 0% = 100% No Disappointments. 3. Its magic! Please read. Dil " Main " Dil Dil " Mra " Dil Dil " cee " Dil Dil " Hoon " Dil Ab is message ko dil k bagair parho tou aap ka hi naam aey ga. Such 4. Maths Magic: Multiply 259 x (ur age) x 39. ? ? ? ? U wil get an intresting answer Try it really. it is very intresting 5. MATHS MAGIC 9 X 9 + 7 = 88 98 X 9 + 6 = 888 987 X 9 + 5 = 8888 9876 X 9 + 4 = 88888 98765 X 9 + 3 = 888888 987654 X 9 + 2 = 8888888 6. Test ur IQ If 9 + 3 = 722 5 + 7 = 536 8 + 6 = 845 4 + 4 = 613 Then 7 + 2 = ? . This is a Real test. Answer if u r a Genius This post was submitted by SmilingFACE 7. Sardarji Khali Katory Me Roti Laga Kr Kha Rhy Thy Waiter Ne Dkha To Pucha: Aap Ye Kia Kr Rhy Hen? Sardarji: Me Maths Ka Teacher Ho Me Ne Daal Supose Ki Hui Hay.. 8. Ab 11-11-2011 Ki Bharpoor Kamyabi K Bad is hi month mein pesh krty hein, Din or Saal Dono Ayk Sath Yani 20-11-2011 Kuch Samjhe (20-11)-2011 9. 2011 is Fundamental Mathematical Operation year of ’1′ 1+1=2 Add 1-1=0 Sub 1*1=1 Mul 1/1=1 Div =2011 Plz dont force me 4 Nobel prize Sirf aik MSG the inbox me tjhe kr dia. 10. By adding No study=Fail + Study=No fail No study+study = No study=No fail no,no sa cancel so it is proved Study=Fail 11. Brilliant, isn't it? And look at this symmetry: 1 x 1 = 1 11 x 11 = 121 111 x 111 = 12321 1111 x 1111 = 1234321 11111 x 11111 = 123454321 111111 x 111111 = 12345654321 1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321 11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321 111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321 12. 9 * 1 = 9 9 * 2 = 18 1+8=9 9 * 3 = 27 2+7=9 9 * 4 = 36 3+6=9 9 * 5 = 45 4+5=9 9 * 6 = 54 5+4=9 9 * 7 = 63 6+3=9 9 * 8 = 72 7+2=9 9 * 9 = 81 8+1=9 9 * 10= 90 9+0=9 9 * 11= 99 9+9=18 1+8=9 9 * 12= 108 1+0+8=9 9 * 13= 117 1+1+7=9 jahan tak phi multiplay karna karloo magar jawab 9 hi aayee ga ab noble prize kiss ko millay. 13. Maths Magic Multiply ur date of Birth with 2 Add 840 in answer Now divide by 2 Subtract ur date of birth from answer And answer represent ur personality Try it. It is True' 14. Maths Magic: Ur cell nmbr’s last digit x 2 + 5 x 50 + ur AGE + 365 & - 615. The last 2 no. is ur age & 1st no. is ur cell’s last no JUST TRY IT 15. Maths Magic 259 *(your Age) 39 = .............? Try it & u wl b Surprised to see the Result. Apki Age 3 bar apko likhi nazar aaye gi ... Try It Now

Rajnikant SMS/Jokes/Facts

1. Breaking News: Rajinikanth died in the morning. However, he is fine now. 2. Rajnikanth participated in 100 meter race and obviously he came first.... But EINSTEIN died after watching, Bcoz... . . LIGHT came second.. 3. Q: Why is sea water salty? A: Bcoz Rajinikanth pees in it. 4. Once a TATA Company’s 22 Wheeler Huge Truck Met With An Accident Against RAJINIKANTH . . Since then.. Its called as TATA NANO 5. Rajni Irons his shirt while he is wearing them! 6. Ek Bar Rajnikant Ka 10 Rs Ka Note 3rd Floor Se Niche Gir Gaya. Jab Wo Niche Aya To Wo Note Nahi Mila. Kyou Kyonki Wo Note Girne Se Pehle Rajinikant Niche Pahonch Chuka Tha. 7. To Mr. Rajinikanth, Chennai. Dear Sir, Please close your fridge door properly and especially before sleeping. Yours faithfully, North Indians 8. Death once had a 'near-Rajni' experience 9. Rajinikant once got into a fight with a VCR Player. Nows it plays DVD. 10. Ek bar Rajnikant ne ek chote kamjor bachche ko blood donate kiya pata hai aaj us bachche ko sabhi kis name se jante hai? Anyone guess The Great Khali. 11. Q: Why did Rajinikanth jump off a bridge? A: He wanted to check the depth of the ocean. 12. Why is there less crime in South India as compared to other parts of India? Better Policing? Nah . .. ... So simple, it's Rajinikanth! Dubara Mat Puchhna... 13. 12/12/12 Its Rajnikant Ji's Birthday Today... And That Too Sir Ji On The Last Repetitive Date That This Generation Will See (12th December, 2012- 12/12/12) Rajnikant Ji Turns 62 Today. 14. Rajinikanth can Divide by ZERO. 15. Rajnikant went to world cooking championship.. Of course rajni won but guess what he made in finale??? . . Lal mirchi ki meethi khir 16. Ultimate Rajni.. Alarm clock rings when Rajni wakes up! 17. Rajinikanth ordered a Ham Burger at Pizza Hut and got it. 18. FUTURE NEWS : 40 years from now ROBOTS make a film called Rajanikant 19. OBAMAS SPEECH IN USA AFTER INDIA TOUR- "Maa Kasam Sach Bol Rha Hu, Rajnikant BOMB Se Agarbatti Jalata Hai." Toba Toba 20. TITANIC bahut zabardast film thi, Par ek raaz jo sab ko nahi pata… Wo ye hai ki.. Titanic ki puri shooting Rajnikanth ke BATH TAB mein hui thi

Student SMS/Jokes

1. Teachr to Student: Alama iqbal k is sher ki tashrih kro Khol ankh zmin dekh falak dekh fiza dekh, mashriq se ubharty huay sooraj ko zra dekh. Student: is sher me alama iqbal mushkil andaaz me kehty hain k 2. Miss: Aaj tum late kion aye ho? School 7 baje shuru hota hay, itni dair kion ki? . Kid: Miss ap mairi itni fikar mat kia karain, log shak karty hain 3. Great students like Us work on the ‘principle of rockets It doesn't mean we aim for the skies It means we don't start studying unless our tail is on fire 4. My nights are going sleepless, my days are going useless. So I asked GOD, "is this love?". GOD replied, "no dear, result is near. 5. Lady teacher: Aasman Se Farishty Aaty Hen 0r Apko Choty Choty Behin Bhai Gift Krty Hen. Bacha Dosre Bachy Se: Ki Khyal Ay Miss Nu Asal Gall Dass Na Daiye 6. Tution Sir: Aby gadhy home work q nahi karta tu? New age student: Tameez say baat kar saale Customer say aisy baat karty hain kiya 7. Each Nyt I Go 2 Sleep,I Die. Next Day I Wake Up,I’m Reborn-shakespeare Each Nyt I Go 2 Sleep, I’m Reborn. Next day i wake up,i m dead Again Student. 8. Teacher to Student: What is Number Seven, Even or Odd Student: Even Teacher: How can you make seven even? Student: Remove the ‘S 9. Sir: Agar tum 1 jungle may ho or wahan sher aa jay to tum kya karogay? Boy: Me darakht par charhou ga. Sir: Agar wo sher darkht par b aa jy to? Boy: Main Pani main kud jaun ga. Sir: Agar wo Pani main b aa jy to? . Boy: Ustad G.. Sher nal pen viyai a ohdi side landay pay o. 10. 'School ka wo yad gar moment jb ap ka best 4rnd ap ka bag utha kr phenkny lgta tha Or ap khty thy ('.')/ /¡ ¡ // na phenki yaar is me islamiyat ki book hai 11. Govt. school K.G kid TO private school K.G kid: "You have nice slateee.." . . . . Private school K.G kid: "idiot its my samsung glaxy S-2 12. Best Memories Oye extra pen hy kya ? Ek hi hai Haan de ! Ek hi chahiye! 13. Words written above a classroom Clock. This Clock Will Never Be Stolen Coz too many Students are watching It.. 14. Teacher: Change this sentence into Future Tense, I killed a person . Student: The Future tense is You will go to a jail 15. Boy in hostel:Yaar Boht bara dhoka ho gaya. Dost: kya hua? Boy: Main ne Ghar se books k liye paisay mangwaye the . . . unhon ne books hi bhej di 16. TEACHER: Johny, how do you spell crocodile? JOHNY: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHNY: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it 17. GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON: Go hide, your teacher is here because you bunked school today! GRANDKID: YOU go hide… I told her YOU PASSED AWAY 18. Har Sawal Se Dat Kar Ladna, Fekne Me Kami Mat Karna, Mouka Mila To Peche Bhi Dekhna, Aur Ek Baath Yaad Rakhna, Aage Wala Ka Paper Apna Samajhna 19. Teachar: Shadi Bachon Ka Khel Nahi. Student: Miss Mujey Pata Hai. Teachar: Kya Pata Hai? Student: Yehi Ki "SHADI" Baron Ka Khel Hai. Aur Bachon Ky Liye Khela Jata Hai. 20. Teacher:- Childrens, Exams Are Nearing, If U Have Any Questions U Can Ask Me.. Student:- In Which Printing Press The Question Paper Are Printed..?

Women Day SMS/Jokes

1. IF fate favors you one day & you are asked what you want to be don’t wish to be someone else… because you are wonderful the way you are cheers to Womanhood Happy Women’s Day! 2. The Willingness To Listen : The Patience To Understand : The Strength To Support : The Heart To Care & Just To Be There : That Is The Beauty Of A Lady : Happy Women’s Day 3. Just wanted to thank you from bottom of my heart for all things you do! Happy Womens Day! 4. Special Women’s Day SMS Across the miles… comes this wish from me to say… You are Special! Happy Women’s Day 5. Papa Ki Wo Laadli,maa Ki Wo Jaan Dil Nadaan,Par Karti Hai Sabke Liye Apni Jaan Kurbaan Hai Bhaiyon Ki Muskaan,Pariwar KiShaan Ye Hai Ek Ladki Ki Pehchaan.. Happy Women's Day 6. Wishing you a day filled with goodness and warmth Wishing you happiness… today and forever Happy Women’s Day! 7. Women are like elephants to me I like to look at them but I wouldn’t want to own one W. C. Fields Happy Women's Day 8. A woman is like a tea bag you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.Happy Women’s Day 9. I love women They’re the best thing ever created If they want to be like men And come down to our level, that’s fine Happy Women's Day 10. Every Home,Every Heart, Every Feeling Every Moment Of happiness is incomplete without u, Only U can complete this world Happy Women’s Day 11. Sending you wishes to say you blossom up the world around me! Happy Women’s Day 12. Dear Women, You Paint Your Lips, Flaunt Your Cleavage Wear Butt-Hugging Jeans And Then . . . . . . . You expect men to notice your Emotions ? 13. Often we leave our appreciation unspoken! Today we all say Happy Women's Day 14. She wants a free sky Where she can be flying She don’t ask for the wings Just break up her rings 15. Wishing you a day that’s just like you… really special 16. You can do almost anything you put your mind to … You can swim the deepest ocean and climb the highest peak … Be a doctor or fly a plane You can face adversity and still walk tall. You are strong, beautiful, compassionate and much more than words could ever say! Today is yours, and so is ever other day… Happy Women’s Day! 17. A woman is like a tea bag You never know How strong she is Until she gets in hot water Happy Women's Day 18. If you could see it from my eyes you would know you are one gem of a Woman! 19. Across the miles… comes this wish from me to say… You are Special! Happy Women’s Day 20. Ladies ke saath dukaan daaron ka harami pan. bank cashier:_- madam ap so so k len gi? fruit seller:- baji zara keley ka size to dekho dil khush ho jayega. cloth seller:- 1 mint dekh ot len phir len na len apki marzi dhobi:-baji aap shalwar or kameez nikal do baqi kaam mera easy load:- kitna daalon?

Best Wedding SMS and Jokes

1. All my love for you FREE! wishing u a very happy ANNIVERSARY... 2. Height Of "Bad Luck" A Boy 'n Girl Met Last Time For Their Break Up. Girl's Father Caught them... Now They Are Married Couple.. 3. Marriage means joining of two hearts for never separating from each other at any time. God bless you both and you lead a beautiful life. Happy wedding day. 4. Anniversary Sms No greeting card to give... No sweet flowers to send... No cute graphics to forward... Just a loving heart saying "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY" 5. Wishing you all the health and happiness in this world on your wedding 6. Only True Frnds Stand With u During Bad Times Of ur Life.. So, I Promise That I Will Definitely Attend Your Wedding.. 7. Happy Anniversary and May your marriage be Blessed with love, joy And companionship For all the years of your lives 8. Your couple is one of the best couple in the world. May Allah shower His blessings on you always throughout your life! Have a happy married life. 9. Upar wale ne apko BHEJA to BHEJA par BHEJA to aisa BHEJA k BHEJE me BHEJA hi nahi BHEJA Dont mind ye mujhe kisi or ne BHEJA to mene apko BHEJA Dekha mera BHEJA 10. Twenty-five years, and still you are in love! What river does not deepen as it flows? Each day your love increases as it goes, Nourishing the lands through which it moves. The love that lasts is deeper far than passion. Years pass and it abides beneath the light. Few know the secrets of its dark delight, Intent on all the toys that are in fashion. Vivid lusts yield pleasures that soon cease. Each year of love yields happiness and peace. 11. I don’t have any card to wish you, no flowers to send you but the most valuable thing that I have for you are my best wishes on this special day. Happy wedding day. 12. Marriage is that relation between man and women in which the Independence is Equal, the Dependence mutual and the Obligation Reciprocal Best wishes for Happy Wedding Anniversary. 13. Wishing you the best of life today and in the days to come. 14. May your life be filled with good health and both of you maintain an environment of love, peace and happiness in your home. Wishing you a very happy married life my brother. 15. Best wishes to you both on ur anniversary May the love that you share Last your lifetime through As you make a wonderful pair. Happy Wedding 16. Who is lucky lover in dis world? A person loves a girl without proposing her, But finally he gets same girl as his wife in arranged marriage. 17. I pray and wish happiness for both of you on your wedding day; I hope you are the ones from the story that says - Happily Ever After 18. On this special day my prayers are for you and may this love from all people accompany you throughout life. Happy married life 19. Long after our anniversary And this greeting has been thrown away Think of the thought behind it Each and everyday Happy Anniversary 20. Every Boy wish... I’m not a Prince but My Life-Partner should be a Princess Real Boy wish... My Life-Partner may not be a Princess but I Promise I’ll treat her like a Princess.

Best Teacher Day SMS/Jokes

1. May not say it always But, I mean it whenever I say it Thank You Teacher For all the things you have done for me Happy Teachers Day! 2. Without you, we would have been lost. Thank you teacher for guiding us, inspiring us and making us what we are today. 3. A good teacher is like a candle - it consumes itself to light the way for others. Happy Teachers Day 4. Teachers Day Is Celebrated In: India = 5 Sept Pakistan = 5 Oct China = 10 Sept Germny = 5 Oct Srilnka = 6 Oct Malasiya = 16 May Newzilnd = 29 Oct Brazil = 15 Oct 5. When it comes to teaching No one can compete with you. Happy Teachers Day 6. Thanks for being a true mentor of our hearts. Happy Teachers day 7. The mediocre teacher tells The good teacher explains The superior teacher demonstrates The great teacher inspires. 8. Teachers day text greetings Greetings 4 d Teachers dy Remember all words he say Words 2 make U social He is our teacher He is our guide Lets make him feel pride 9. You are not only our teacher You are our friend, philosopher and guide All molded into one person We will always be grateful for your support Happy Teachers Day 10. We are fortunate we had a teacher as wonderful loving and caring as You 11. Teacher is a person Who always helps everybody To get the knowledge & Always stands beside the students When they have problems Thanks for being my teacher Happy Teachers Day 12. FAILED Student Ke Papa Class teacher se: "Madam ! Thoda Aap Tight Raho,Thoda Mein Zor Lagata hun. Bhagwan ne Chaha toh is Saal Bachcha Nikal hi Jayega. 13. Teacher: Which Comes First..? Sun Or MoOn..? Student: Firstly MoOn Then Sun.. Teacher: Why..? . . Student: Son cOmes Only After HoneymoOn.. 14. You Guided Me When I Was Lost You Suported Me When I Was Weak You Have Enlightened me all through.. 15. Dear Teacher Thanks for making us what we are today Happy teachers Day 16. They inspire you, they entertain you, and you end up learning a ton even when you don't know it. Happy teachers day. 17. I may not say it always But, I mean it whenever I say it Thank You Teacher For all the things you have done for me Happy Teachers Day 18. You gave your support without any selfish interest like a parent gives to his children. Thanks for being more than a parent dear sir. 19. Remember all words he say Words to make you social Words to make you special He is our teacher He is our guide Lets make him feel pride 20. Teachers Day The way you teach The knowledge you share The care you take The love yu shower Makes you The world's best teacher Happy Teacher's Day

Sweet Good Night SMS

1. Raat Ki Tanhai Mein Akele The Hum Dard Ki Mehfilo Mein Ro Rahe The Hum Aap Hamare Bhale Hi Kuch Nahi Lagte Par Fir Bhi Aapke Bina Bilkul Adhoore Hain Hum… 2. MOON has come to color your dreams, STARS to make them musical and my SMS to give you warm and Peaceful Sleep. Gud Nite…Sweet Dreams.. 3. G - Go to bed O - Off the lights O - Out of tensions D - Dreams come N - Nice sleep I - Ignore worries G - Get up early H - Have a nice day T - Thank God always 4. Raat ka andhera kuch kehna chahta hai Ye chand chandni ke saath rehna chahta hai Hum to tanha hi khush tha Magar pata nahi kyu ye dil kisi ke saath rehna chahta hai 5. Jahn dosti vahn pyar Jahn pyar vahn ishq Jahn ishq vahn judai Jahn judai vahn dard Jahn dard vahn jandu balm Jandu balm lagao aur chup kr ke so jao Good Night.... 6. Tanha Jab Dil Hoga, Aapko Aawaz Diya Karenge Raat Me Sitaronse Aapka Jikr Kiya Karenge Aap Aaye Ya Na Aaye Hamari Khwabonme Ham Bas Aapka Intezaar Kiya Karenge Khwab Dekhne Ke Liye Ab So Jayenge Good Night 7. Chand Ki Chandni Ne Ek Paalki Banayi Hai Aur Ye Paalki Humne Bade Pyaar Se Sajayi Hai Dua Hai Ye Hawa Tujhse Zara Dheere Chalna Mere Pyaar Ko Badi Pyaari Neend Aayi Hai.. 8. Let the most beautiful dream come to you tonight, Let the sweetest person come in your dream tonight…. But don’t make it a habit because I am not free every night. 9. Never blame a day in your life. Good days give you happiness. Bad days give you experience. Both are essential in life! All are Gods blessings! Good Night… 10. CHAND NE CHANDNI KO YAAD KIYA RAAT NE SITARO KO YAAD KIYA HUMARE PAAS NA TO CHAND HAI NA CHANDNI ISLIYE HUMNE APNE CHAND SE BHI PYARE DOST KO YAAD KIYA GOOD NIGHT 11. Hum Aapko kabhi khone nhi denge, Juda hona chaho to bhi hone nhi denge, Chandni Raaton me jab Aayegi meri Yaad, Meri Yaad k wo pal Aapko sone nhi denge. 12. Aakash ke taro me khoya hai jaha sara Lagta he pyara ek ek tara Uhn taro me sabse pyara hai ek sitara Jo is wakt pad raha hai sms hamara Good Night 13. Dastak di kise me kaha sapne laya hu, Khush rho aap hamesa itni dua laya hu, Naam hai mera SMS Aapko GOOD NIGHT kahne aaya hu. 14. Pta Nhi Log Meri itni Respect kyu Krte h Mai Jb Unhe SMS Krta hun To Wo Apna Sir Neeche Jhuka kr Mera SMS Padhte h Bilkul Tumhari Trha... "UFF MY CRAZY FANS"good night 15. Pyari si "RAAT" mai. Pyare se "ANDHERE" Mai. Pyari si "NEEND" mai. Pyare se "SAPNO" mai. Pyare se "DOST" ko. Pyari si "GOOD NIGHT". 16. .*"*._.*"*. *. Dil me .* "*._.*" Rehne walo ko .*"*._.*"*. *. Dil se .* "*._.*" Góòd ' ni8 17. Pankhe Pe Latka Hua Sar Khirki Se Tmhe Dekhti Atma Bed K Niche Bethi Churail Parde K Piche Sar Kati Lash In Sb Ki Taraf Dihan Mat Dena Aram Se Sona Good Night 18. Ho gayi raat aasman mein nikal gaye sitare So gaye sari panchi kya khub khile nazare Aap bhi so jaiye is haseen raat mein Dekhiye Sweet Dreams pyare pyare… 19. Hi Moon! Dim your light Hello Wind! Breeze soft Hi Flower! Blossom slowly Hello Earth!Spin gently Because my friend is going to sleep. Good Night Sweet Dreams. 20. Dil me ek shor sa ho raha hain Bina sms ke dil bore sa ho raha hai Kahin ye to nahin ki ek pyara sa dost GOOD NIGHT kiye bina so raha hai

Funny Facebook SMS/Jokes

1. Special Request for Girls . . Kripya facebook pe apne name kay aage "Angel, Princess, Sweet, Lovely..."etc... Naa Lagaye... . . . Kyuki Aap Logo Ki Shakal Dekhne Ke Baad ladko ka Princess aur angels par se vishwas uthta jaa raha hai. 2. Height Of Nonsense: A Girl Gv A Pendrive 2 A Boy & Said "Isme Facebook Daal K Dena" Boy Gave Her A Shitty Look & Then Girl Said: "Kya Hua 2gb Me Nai Ayega Kya?" Ronaaa Aa Gyaaaa. 3. I may not be the most important person in your life but i just hope that one day when u hear my name u would just smile & say I miss this person. 4. Up Coming Facebook Movies 1.Jab We Chat 2.Namastey Facebook 3.Hum Aapke Hai Mutual Friend 4.7 Gaali Maaf 5.Hum Like Kar Chuke Sanam 6.Kabhi Relationship Kabhi Single 7.Meine Poke Q Kiya 8.Mere Brother Ki Profile.. Dekna Math Bhulna. 5. PATNI :-Agar mai kho gayi to tum kya kroge SANTA :- Nirmal Baba k pas jaunga PATNI :-Tum kitne ache ho kya kahoge unse? Santa :- Kahunga Baba apki kripa ho gayi 6. FACEBOOK ki sabse GHATIYA cheez. (1) Yaar maine status update kiya hai, Like kar de or Mast sa comment bhi.. (2) Yaar teri Id ka passwrd kya hai, ek din ke liye use karne de.. (3) Logo ke status chura kar apni id par share karna.. (4) Maine apni Profile pic change ki hai, Meri Pic Like kar de, Mai teri kar dunga.. (5) Oye Tag pic par jaldi se Comment or Like kar.. (6) Yaar wo ladki kon hai jo bade comment maar rahi hai, or Agle hi din use Frnd request send 7. IF A GiRL LiKES y0ur C0MMENT That Means.. . . . . . . . Means K0 MAR0 G0Li.. Request BHEJ0 Request 8. Get Money From Facebook !!! Go to Your Account Setting and ; . . . . . . Deactivate Your Account Than Go to Your Work 9. Boy: My Ex-Girlfriend's Status On Facebook Says: "Standing On The Edge Of A Bridge..." Friend: So What Did You Comment? Boy: Nothing, I Just POKED Her 10. Facebook Pe Kisi Ladki Se Chat Karne Se Accha... . . . Kisi Kutte Ko Patthar Maaro... Atleast Dhang Se Reply To Karta Hai. 11. Papa: Beta Facebook Ke Baher Bhi Ek Duniya Hai. .! . . . Beta: O Really Papa? Jara Link To Send Krna Uska 12. FACE BOOOK pe CONTINUE online rehne ka matlab. . . . . Girls hostel ke saamne Kursiii lekar baithne jaisa hai. 13. Cool facebook status: I respect all those who hate me... Becoz my middle finger rises up 2 salute them! 14. Kisko kisko FaceBook Pe setting krni hai??.. . . . . . Facebook profile ke right corner pe setting ka option hai Jitni marji ho kr lo 15. Jo Kehti Thi Tujhe Dil Mein Lock Kar Diya..! . . . . . . Aaj Ussi Ne Facebook Pe Block Kar Diya. 16. Bhikhari: Daadi roti dijiye khane ke liye.! Daadi : Abhi taiyaar nahi hai, Baad me aana.! Bhikhari : Ye mera cell number hai, Taiyaar hote hi miss call de dena.! Bhikhari rocks Daadi shocks..! Daadi : Are number kya lena, Thodi der ke baad jab chapati ban jaegi to Facebook par upload kar dungi.. Now Daadi rocks bhikhari shocks 17. Mom: You Are Nicely Dressed-up Where Are U Going Sweetheart? Daughter: Thanx A Lot Mom, . . . . . I'm Going To The Washroom As I Need A New Facebook Profile Picture =D . Uf Ye Ladkiyan Bhi Na 18. Girl (angry): Why is my name always in ur facebook status? Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what's on my mind? And honestly i write u r name... Girl : Awwwwwww Boy : I LOVE YOU♥ Girl : I LOVE YOU TOO 19. Aaj To Maa Ne Bhi Saaf BoL Diya, . . "Beta,Wife Aisi Lana, Jo Facebook Na Use Karti Ho, . . Ghar Mai Aur Ku6 Kaam Bhi Hote Hai. 20. Wo Kehti Thi Mujhe Uske Jaisi Kabi Nai Milegi. . . . . Maine Uska Naam Likh Ke, Fb Pe Search Kia To 111 Or Mil Gai

Eid SMS and Jokes

1. Naam e Muhammad SAW Se Khusbu e Wafa Ati Hai Unke Roze Se Umti Umti Ki Sada Ati Hai Kaash Bethain Ham Bhi Madine Ki Galion Main Kehte Hain Ke Wahan Janat Se Hawa Ati Hai Hajj Mubarak 2. Today i pray that:- Happiness be at ur door May it knock early Stay late & leave the gift of Allah's Peace,love,joy & good health behind 3. You are awarded a bouqet of good deeds, a vase of blessing, a parachut of glad itdings for completing the holy ramadan. EID MUBARAK 4. Kash tu mera Bakra hota Main tujay Ghass Khilata or pyar se tere seengh Hilata or Poochta pagal Kaun??? Tu ya Main ?? Or tu piyaar se Bolta Main Main… happy bakra eid 5. Please accept my heartfelt felicitation on the auspicious occasion of Eid, wishing you every success, God Bless you and your family. 6. I convey my cordial & sincere greetings to U & Ur family on the occasion of Jashn Eid Milad-Un-Nabi, the auspicious day on which Prophet Hazrat Mohammad made his descent on earth. 7. Sada haste raho jaise haste hain phool Sada haste raho jaise haste hain phool Duniya ki sare gham tumeh jaye bhool Charo taraf phalao khushion ka geet Eisi ummid ka sath Yaar tumhe...MUBARAK ho EID. 8. Duniya ki her Fiza may ujala RASOOL ka Ye sarii kainaat hay Sadqa RASOOL ka Khushbo-e-Gulab hay pasina RASOOL ka Aap ko bhi ho Mubarak Mahina RASOOL ka… 9. ^ ^, (’, ‘) ’_’_’_’)~ | | | | Ye Lo Bakra Eid tak isay khilana Pilana Roz sham ko sair krwna pr Eid pe wapis kr dena Maine b Qurbani krni hai 10. Lonesome without u Each n every moments When i am alone I close my eyes n think of u N thoughts of your love warms Me inside n makes me smile 11. Aaj Se Amiri Garibi K Fasle Na Rahe Har Insan Ek Duje Ko Apna Bhai Kahe Aaj Sub Kuch Bhool Ke Aa Gale Lag Ja Mubarak Ho Tuje Yeh Mahina Rasool Ka Jashn e Eid Milad Un Nabi Mubarak 12. I wish you all a very Happy I wish you all a very happy and peaceful Eid. May Allah accept your good deeds, forgive your transgressions and ease the suffering of all peoples around the globe. Eid Mubarik 13. Sada haste raho jaise haste hain phool, Duniya ki sare gham tumeh jaye bhool, Charo taraf phalao khushion ka geet, Eisi ummid ka sath Yaar tumhe...MUBARAK ho EID 14. Pholon Ko Jis Trha Bhanwre Milte Hyn Aao Is EID Pe Hum B Kahin Milte Hyn Apni Is Chahat Ko Pyar Bari Rafaqat Ko Sachi Lagan Ka Rang Dete Hai, Dunia K Liye Apni Mohbat Ko Misal Krte Hai Rawani K Liye Jese Darya Samandar Me Khud Ko Pamal Krte Hai Phool Jese Gulshan Se Wafa Nibane Hr Bar Nikalte Hai Aao Is EID pe Hum B Kahin Milte Hai 15. Haj K Din Asar K Time 4:30 Se 5:30 Qaboliat Ka Waqt Hota Hai 447 Bar Allah Huma Labbak , 21 Bar Darod-E-Ibrahimi Parh K Jo Dua Krain Puri Hogi .. Inshaallah Eid Mubark 16. No Time Is Like EID With Its Charm And Magic When Fun & Frolic of Little Ones Add Beautify To The View! HAVE A WONDERFUL EI 17. Everyone Sent You Traditional Words About Eid But I Am The Fist One To Send You MEAT MUBARAK And Keep On Eating Different Dishes On This EID 18. Happy EID-Mubarak to all of you A Wonderful One..!! To Help Make Your Eid Friendship And Fun Light Hearted Moments Of Bright, Happy Things Warm,Happy Hours And That This Eid Day Brings 19. Bakri : i love you . . . . Bakra: hun ki faida, aggo waddi eid aan wali ay 20. Close Ur Eyes And Imagine My Smily Face Have You Done It??? Mubarak ho Aap Ne 5 Din Pehlay Hi Eid Ka Chand Dekh liya..

Best Double Meaning and Jokes

1. 2. This in punjabi but funny: Santa: kal pehli vari Teri bhabi di yad bhulawan wastay SHARAB di botal da Sahara litta. Dost: Fer ki Hoya? Santa: Hona ki see? Lulli phas gayi Botal vich. 3. 4. Mam: Agar me teri maa ban jauto tuje 2 din me sudhar du! Golu: Madam me abhi jake Apne Papa ko btata hu ki.. Papa teri lotery lgne wali hai. 5. A girl sitting in examination hall with sardar ji Girl: sardar ji mein tuwadi nakal mar laa? Sardar: ahoo to meri nakel maar lay fair mein teri asal mar lawa ga 6. Ek Baar Santa Aur Banta Workshop Mein Kaam Kar Rahe The, Santa Ek Car Ke Niche Gus Kar Usko Thik Kar Raha Tha. Achanak Light Chali Gayi, Santa Bola. Santa:- Chote, 10 No. Ka Pana De Banta:- Aaaaaahh O Aaahhh Oye Madarchod Hath Mein De 7. GIRL: Jaano Meray mun mai Daalo, main Choson gi BOY: Nahi nahi tum kha Gai toh main Kiya Karon ga? GIRL: Tum Tum Doosri Icecream Le Lena! 8. Ek Ladka aur ek Ladki ki shaadi hui.. Aap yakeen nahi karoge ke doosrey din hi Unka Bachaa hua khaana kharab ho gaya.. Fridge me nahi rakha tha na 9. Teacher asks students about sound made by animals Teacher: dog Student : Bo Bo Teacher : cat Student : meow Teacher : lion Student : aah aah F*** me Teacher : I said lion not "leone" Student : oh Teri 10. Banta to santa:- Aapko air hostess ne Thappad kyun mara? Santa:- maine puccha ki Susu karnae ki jagah kaha hai, Wo boli pichhe Maine kaha pahle to aage hua karti thi. 11. Agar aadhi raat ko aapka dil kare aur biwi ka mood na ho To Biwi ko tang na kare . . Khud uthkar apne hath se . . . Pani pee lein! 12. Larka Larki Se Kia Kr Rhe Ho ? Larki Dodh Pee Rhe Ho Larka Kis Ka ? Larki Apni Bhen Ki Bhains Ka 13. Ek Pathan ko Hichki ayi or sath he uska Paad b nikl gya.. Pathan: O khucha lagta hy humko Gul Bano k sath sath Gul Khan b yad kr rha Hain. 14. Santa court mein judge se Aaj tak meri itni insult nahi hui Meri nai padson ne mujhe nahate hue dekh lia he! Judge: to tum kya chahte ho? Santa: Badla 15. Jab light jaati hai tab sub ki khul jati hai . . . . . Aankh Garmi se 16. Life mein kbhi compromise karna pade to don't hesitate. Bcoz... Jhukta wahi hai jisme jaan hoti hai. Akad hi to murde ki pehchan hoti hai 17. Wqt Kahta H Muje Gwa Mat Dil Kahta H Muje Lga Mat Pyr Kahta H Muje Ajma Mat Or Aaj Kal Ki Girlfriend Kahti Hai Daal Daal, Tu Ghabra Mat. 18. Girl : Arey itna bara munh mein kaise daloon gi Boy : Jaldi se munh kholo Girl : Oops sare kapray geelay ho gaye Boy : Aur lo gi Girl: Na na yeh Gool Gapey tum he kahoo. 19. Dil Chahta Hai K Aaj Aap Ko Konay Main Le Ja Kar Ek Danda Le Kar, Aap Ki, G GA GAN GAND GANDH GANDHI G K Style Main Photo Khenchon 20. Santa ne blade se apni girlrfrd ka naam hath par likha 5 min baad jor jor se rone laga Banta: kyu rote ho.? Santa: bhench*d LADO ki jagah LODA likh liya.

Best Dosi SMS/Jokes

1. Hum apse hamesha rishte banaye rakhenge Aapki dosti ko dil mein basaye rakhenge Badalte waqt ko to hum rok nahi sakte Par is dosti ko hamesha palko me sajaye rakhene… 2. Dosti Ek Pyaar Bhara Paigaam Hai Yeh To Sabse Khubsurat Rishte Ka Naam Hai Aansu Ke Badle Hansi Dena Iska Kaam Hai Is Majbut Bandhan Ko Dil Se Salam Hai. 3. Dushmano me DOST mila karte hai Kanto me phul khila kartehai Humko kaanta samajhkar chhod na dena DOST Kante hi phulonki hifazat kiya karte hai. 4. Na khwabon me dekha na nazaron me dekha Hazaron me ek humne tum hi ko dekha Gum dene wale to har pal hai yahan Har pal khushi dene walon me ek aap hi ko dekha. 5. Rishte tod deti hain galat femiyan Insaan ko tanha galat femiyan Na aane dena dil ke paas kabhi inko Kyunki dost ko dost se juda kar deti hai galat femiyan.. 6. Dard ko dard se na dakho Dard ko bhi dard hota hai Har dard ko zarorat hai dosti ki Q Ki dost hi hai jo dard Me hum dard hota hai 7. Dosti ka haq ham ada karte hain Tere naam par jaan fida karte hain Tujhe phoolon se bhi zakhm na aaye kabhi Khuda se bas hum yahi dua karte hai. 8. Life Me Kuch V Kiya Hua. CTRL+Z Nahi Kiya Ja Sakta.. So Friends Jo Bhi Karo Strong Karo. 9. Kisi ko apni khobiyon ka ehsaas nahi hota Aap jaise doston ka milna itifaq nahi hota Acha kuch kya hoga humne warna Aap ho hamare saath hamein to yakeen hi nahi hota.. 10. Rab se sacha koi ho nehi sakta Apse achha koi ho nehi sakta Apki dosti hamare nasib me hai to humare Nasib se achha kisi aur ka nasib ho nehi sakta 11. Muskan ka koi mol nahi hota Kuchh rishto ka tol nhi hota Dost to mil jate hai har raste par Lekin har koi aapki tarah anmol nhi hota.. 12. Aapki dosti ki ek nazar chahiye Dil hai beghar use ek Ghar chahiye Bas yun hi saath chalte raho ae dost Yeh Dosti hume umar bhar chahiye. 13. Kabhi Masti Kabhi Jhagda Kabhi Aansu Kabhi Hansi Chota Sa Pal Choti Choti Khushi Ek Pyar Ki Kashti Or Dher Saari Masti Bas Isi Ka Naam To He Dosti. 14. Meri Dosti wo daag hai Jo aap mita nahin paoge Bus itni guzarish hai aapse Ki Surf exel se mat dhona Varna Dhoondhte reh jaoge. 15. Kehte Hai Ki 7 Phere 7 Janmo Ka Bandhan Hota Hai Mgr F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Ye 7 Words Agar Mil Jaye To Bus Ek Janam Me Hi 7 Janam Jine Ka Ehsaas Ho Jata Hai. 16. Har rishtonke mukaam nahin hote.. Dil ke rishtonke koi naam nahin hote.. Paaya hai Aapko dil ki roshni se.. Aap jaise dost kisike liye aam nahin hote. 17. Shikayat Rehti Hai Unko Har Pal Ke Humko Dosti Karni Nahi Aati Kuch Shikva To Is Dil Ko Bhi Hai Par Hame Unse Shikayt Karninahi Aati. 18. Badi Masroof Zindagi Hai Phif Bhi Na Jane Kyu Dost Tujhe Har Sans Ke Sath Yaad Karne Ki Aadat Nahi Jati. 19. Kabhi pasand na aaye sath mara to bata dena DOST Hum dil pe pathar rakh ke tmhe goli mar dengy (",)/ || KHALASS _/\_' 20. Aapki Har Baat Me Ek Class Hai Aap Hi Ki D-O-S-T-I Ki Talash Hai Kabhi Mere No. Pe Ek Call To Kar Do Suna Hai Aap Ki Awaz Bahut Jhakas Hai

Best 20 Husband Wife Very Funny SMS

1. A pregnant lady went to an astrologer. Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die. Lady: Thank god My Husband is safe! 2. Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya. Santa: Ye 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya? Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai? Santa: 3 mahine. Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko? Santa: 3 mahine. Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua? Santa: 3 mahine baad. Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye? Santa: Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye! time ka pata hi nahi laga? 3. Wife: Dekhi na wo aadmi mujhe ghur ghur ke dekh raha hai. Husband: Arre wo to bhangar wala ( scrap dealer ) hai Bekar MAAL par nazar rakhana uski addat hai. 4. Husband aur Wife Hotel Me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya, Wife ne pucha,Kaun Thi Wo? Husband - Tum dimagh kharab mat karo, Mai pehle hi pareshan hu k woh bhi Yehi puche gi. 5. Wife:Suna he k jannat me Husband ki sath Wife ko nahi rehne dete HUSBAND! sahi suna he Wife: aisa kyu? Husband: Are pagli isi liye to use jannat kehte hai.. 6. Husband to a newly wed wife! I could go to the end of the world for you Wife:Thanks,but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life. 7. Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ?? Wife remains silent Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ? Wife : Abbe gin ne to De 8. Husband aur wife me ladai ho gai Husband ghar se chala gaya. Raat ko phone kark pucha khaane me kya hain? Wife - zehar Husband - Mein der se aaunga tum kha kar so jana.. 9.Wife: Bus karo rat k 12 baje se kar rahe ho or subai k 8 ho gaye, Thake nahi ? Husband: abhi to kuchh nahi kia ab to din raat karunga kyu ki.. 5000 MSG free hai 10. Patni - Apne pati ki kabr pe pankha kr rahi thi.. Ek admi ne bola-behan ji ab ishpe pankha kr k kya fayda Patni - Hmare yaha ek rule hai jab tak pati ki kabr sukh nhi jati,tab tak patni ki dusari shadi nhi ho sakti.. 11. Wife 2 Husband: Did u Have any GF before marriage ? Husband remains silent ? Wife: what is D meaning of silence? Husband: Wait.. let me count... 12. Husband - Malang baba meri biwi bohot pareshan karti hai, Koi hal batao. Malang - Beta Koi hal hota to mein malang kiu banta..? 13. My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Than we met. 14. Husband texts to wife on cell.. "Hi,what r u doing Darling?" Wife: I'm dying..! Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?" Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.." Husband: "Bloody English Language 15. Kahte hain.. Shadi ki ganth to aasman mein hi bandh jati hai.. Insan to sirf petikot salwar bra ki Ganthe kholne ke liye hi zamin par bheja jata hai. 16. Wife: Mai tumhari yaad mai 15 din mai hi aadhi ho gayi hu, mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho? Husband: 15 din aur ruk jao 17. As per research A man speaks 25,000 words daily & A woman speaks 30,000 Problem starts when husband comes home from office after consuming his 25,000 words & wife starts her 30,000. 18. Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge? Santa: Biwi Se Jailer: Maa Baap se nahi Santa: Maa Baap to agla jnam lete hi mil jyenge Biwi ke liye sala phir 25 saal wait karna padega 19. Wife: Janu kash ap SMS hote. Mai ap ko save karti Husband: Jaanu kash tm ringtone hoti Mai her haftay tumhe change karta 20. Patni- Shadi K Pehle Aap Roz Gift Dete The, Par Ab Nai Dete, Kyu? Pati- Tune Kabhi Kisi Machware Ko Machli Pakdne K Baad Use Dana Dalte Dekha Hai

Best 20 Sorry SMS

1. I am sorry to be smiling every time you are near. I am sorry my eyes twinkle whenever you are here. I am sorry that cupid has made his hit. I am sorry i love you, I cant help it. 2. Wife: one who is sorry she did it, but would undoubtedly do it again. 3. Begano se dosti ki gunjais nahi hoti Mout ke badh koi khavaish nahi hoti Saayad koi pyaar bhara dil tuta hoga Warna November ke mahine mein barish nahi hoti. I am sorry 4. I''m sorry you are wiser, I''m sorry you are taller; I liked you better foolish and I liked you better smaller. 5. For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin. 6. Never apologize for how you feel, Thats like saying sorry for being real. 7. More men are sorry for speaking, than keeping silence 8. Ladka:"I LOVE YOU Ladki: Sorry main kisi or se pyar krti hu Ladka udas ho gya phir achanak bhagne laga or bola: Teri mummy ko Btaunga. Ladki: Ruk Ja kamine I Love You 9. I feel sorry for someone who has to win at everything. 10. I hurt you.. But I didn’t mean to.. Please forgive me 11. Feeling sorry for yourself, and you present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst habit you could possibly have. 12. I Know How Angry You Are ... & What You Must Be Going Through So I Hope , You Know How Sorry I Am For All That Happens Between Us ... Please Forgive Me 13. When armies are mobilized and issues joined, the man who is sorry over the fact will always win. 14. Valentines Special GF = Where R u.? BF = I'm At "Bank" GF = I Need 10,000 For New Cell Phone & 5,000 For New Dress. BF = Sorry, I Mean I'm At BL00D BANK "KHOON PIYEGI KHOON" 15. There is a strength in the union even of very sorry men. 16. Families with babies and families without are so sorry for each other 17. Dard ko Bhi Dard Hone Laga Dard Khud Hi Mere Ghaao Dhone LagaDard Ke Liye Main Na Roya Lekin Dard Mujhe Chhu kar KhudRone Sorry Baby Sorry 18. As time passes we have forgotten A very simple but effective and meaningful word....SORRY 19. SORRY… SORRY Dont get confused Aray Baba SORRY means: S- Some O- One Is R- Really R- Remembering Y- You.. Have A wonderful day… 20. Leke hum dusro ki hasi kya kare, Jo apni nahi wo khushi kya kare, Tanha jine se behatar hai mar jaye hum, Jab saath tum nahi to zindagi jikar kya kare. .

Beautiful Rakhi (Raksha Bandhan) SMS

1. Like an invisible thread Our love binds us together Making sure we'll remember Where we came from and What we mean to each other. Wishing you a joyous Raksha Bandhan 2. The warmth of Ur love is all I need during cold times. Happy Raksha Bandhan Didi. 3. Kaamyabi tumhare kadam chume Khushiyan tumhare charo aur ho Par bhagwan se itni prarthana karne ke liye, Tum mujhe kuch to commission do! To my extremely lovable (kanjoos) brother… Just kidding as always. Happy Raksha Bandhan 4. Har gali phoolon se saja di hai Har chauk pe Ladkiyan bitha di hai Na jane kis raste se aaogr tum isliye har ladki ko 1-1 RAAKHI Thama di hai. 5. You never say no, you never say thats impossible and you never say you can't. That's my bro, a superman who make things possible and who make paths smoother. I love you Bro. 6. My cute angel from today's onwards I promise you I'll never scold you when you'll tear my books, messed up my clothes. You are really a ray of happiness in my life. 7. Phoolon Ka Taaron Ka Sabka Kehna Hai Ek Hazaron Mein Meri Behna Hai Sari Umar Hame Sang Rehna Hai. 8. I am sure you are not going to tie Rakhi for me this year and forever. But let me tell you this. You are my sweetest little sis though we are not blood related. 9. Near of far wherever u r My best wishes r with U Tum jiyo hazaron saal May success & joy be yours everyday Yehi hai meri wish dil se Happy Raksha Bandhan 10. Rakhi is just an excuse for me to express myself: You mean the world to me. Happy Raksha Bandhan to My sweet sister. 11. Hey my sweet little pie, your cute smile makes my day, your small little hands take me out from all dangers of life. You are little angel of my life. I love you. Your's elder sister/brother. 12. Hey didi you are the best. Do you know why? Because I amyour brother. 13. Kya Batao Yaro Meri Kismat Ki Kahani Kuch Is tarah Likhi Gai Jin Hatho Se Gulab Dena Chahta Tha Unhi hatho me vo Rakhi Bandhkar Chali Gai 14. May this Rakhi bring you everything you desire and everything you dream of. May success accompany you in every step that you take. Have A Blessed Rakhi 15. Usaka Husn gaya kaleja cheer Nayano Se barbas Chhuta ek teer vo Muskrai, Nazdeeq aai Boli, Rakhi Bandhwale mere veer. 16. Sisters is probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship 17. May this auspicious occasion bring you all the prosperity and good luck in your way of life . Happy Raksha Bandhan to you.. 18. Sister is someone who is caring and sharing. Sister can understand things you never said. She can understand pain which is not visible to anyone. I love my sister. 19. Rakhi Ka Tyohar Tha Rakhi Bandhane Ko Bhai Taiyar Tha Bhai Bola behna meri ab to rakhi bandh do, Behna Boli, Kalai Peechhe karo, Pahale Rupaye Hazaar do. 20. Bhagwan kare tujhe bahut pyaar mile Sabhi ladkiyan tujhe baandhe rakhi tujhe jeevan bhar ka unka saath mile. Happy Raksha Bandhan

Best Mother Day SMS Collection

1. FULL FORM OF MUMMY: M-MA U-U Live M-Many M-More Y-Year I Love U Mummy 2. Once upon a memory Someone wiped away a tear Held me close and loved me, Thank you, Mother dear. 3. Ek maa tab roti hai jab uska bacha roti nahi khata......... Aur ek maa tab roti hai jab uska beta usey roti nahi khilata....... So Respect our MOM'S... I Love U MOM 4. Mom's Love Is The Best Love . . When cake slices are five and members are six in a family.... . . . . Then only mother says : "I DON'T LIKE CAKES" ? 5. You listen to our dreams You listen to our hopes You feel oue fears You are no.1 Happy Mother`s Day 6. Ek hasti hai jo jaan hai meri, Jo aan se bhi barh kar Maan hai meri, Khuda hukum de to kar doon sajda usey, Kyon ki wo koi aur nahi "MAA" hai meri. Happy Mothers Day 7. God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. Happy Mother's Day 8. Someone asked.... Wo Kon Si Jagah Hai Jaha- Har Galati Har Jurm Aur Har Gunah Maaf Ho Jata Hai? A Little Child Smiled & Said-"My Mom's Heart". 9. Ek hasti hai jo jaan hai meri, Jo jaan se bhi badh kar shaan he meri, Rab hukm de to kar du sajda use, Kyun ki wo koi aur nahi MAA hai meri. 10. Cute Lines By A Child To His Mother- Mom U Know What? I Love U More Than U Love Me, Mom-How Can U Say This, Son-because U Have 2 children But I Have Only 1 Mother 11. Rab ne maa ko ye azmat-E-kamal di Uspar aai har musibat tal di Kuran mai maa ki is tarha misal di Jannat utha kar uske qadmo mai dal di 12. her, and you'll be sure to make her smile. 13. Ur existence is the best gift to my world. Mom u r special,very very special. Love u Maa 14. You’ve seen me laugh You’ve seen me cry And always you were there with me I may not have always said it But thanks and I love you Happy Mother’s Day. 15. The love she has deep in her heart, Always gives me a goodjump start, She is the one who's love is true, Thank u Mom forbeing You. 16. She is an angel on earth. She lives for me. She is more than anything. She is god for me. She is my life's first person. I may fail to express myself about her but she is my life forever. LOVE U MOM. 17. Mere lie meri maa sirf maa hai. Na bhagwan na koi amrit ka bardaan hai. Kyun ki maa to maa hoti hai yaar Aaj tak uske sath comparable mene kuch nehi dekha hai. 18. Mother is ANGEL M-Made O-Of T-True H-Heart ...E-Everyday R-Rises 4 u. For all sweet MOM 19. Mother is an undying love A love beyond compare the one you take your troubles to she is the one who really cares Mother you are all of this and more I love you very much 20. Beautiful Line 4 "Mummy " Aziz Bhi Wo Hai Nasib Be Wo Hai Duniya Ki Bhid Mai Karib Be Wo Hai Unke Ashirwad Se Hi ChaLti Hai Zindgi Khuda Be Wo Hai Tqdir Be Wo Hai

Best Father's Day SMS Collections

1. It is easier for a father To have children than For children to have a real father. I’m glad to have u dad, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY 2. Mere Khuda tera shukriya Mere Khuda tera karam Mere Abbu ki mohabbat ki mohabbat sabse badi. Yahi dua k rahe uska sada mujhpe reham 3. Wonderful moments we have spent together Thinking of u father brings memories to mind Wonderful moments I will forever treasure I love u so dearly Happy Father Day 4. Happy Fathers day means more Than have a happy day It means i love you first of all Then thanks for all you do It means you mean a lot to me And that I honor U. 5. You may be out of sight but you're always in my mind. Happy Fathers' Day 6. Dad you are never wrong The only time you are wrong is when you think, I forgot about you. Love you Dad! Have a grand Father’s Day 7. Which is the most confusing day in America? Thinking? Still thinking? Fathers day! 8. My dear FATHER! I owe U the debt of life , Its infinity, colors, sounds & feelings i experience. Plz accept my gratitude on this very special day, Although every moment of my life is a gift from you. 'Happy Fathers Day' 9. If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons. Happy father’s day. 10. Parwa karo uski jo Aapki parwa kare Jindagi me kabhi aapko Ruswa na kare Jaan banke utar jao Uski jaan me Jo Jaan se jyada Aapki Parwa kare Happy Father Day 11. I'd go through stretch marks again for you. Happy Fathers' Day, darling husband. 12. Grandfather, Grandpappy, Gramps or Grandpa This message is sent 2 say Watever the word,u r da best Dad Enjoy ur special day 13. A Father Is Someone That Holds Your Hand At The Fair Makes Sure You Do What Your Mother Says Holds Back Your Hair When You r Are Sick Brushes That Hair When It Is Tangled Because Mother Is Too Busy Lets You Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast But Only When Mother Is Away He Walks You Down The Aisle And Tells You Everything Gonna Be Ok 14. Having You For A Dad Was the best beginning I could’ve had… Ever since that you’ve made sure it gets only better! You mean the world to me! Happy Father’s Day 15. A Father means so many things... An understanding heart, A source of strength and support right from the very start. Happy Father's Day 16. Thanks for being there through the tears, laughter and dirty diapers. Happy Father's Day! 17. Be kind to thy father, For when thou wert young, Who loved thee so fondly as he? He caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, And joined in thy innocent glee 18. Its A Voice Of Father Umar Bhar Jis Phool Ki Main Ne Parwarish Ki Jab Khushbuu k Qaabil Hua Tou Ghairo'n ko De Dia Happy Fathers Day 19. May God remember U like Noah, Favor U like Joseph, Honor U like Mary, Fight 4 U like Israelites And prosper U like Abraham. Happy Father’s Day 20. kabhi kabhi aisa he hota hai Yaado ka asar zara der se hota hai Apko lagta hai ki hum sochete nahi apke bare m Lakin hamari har dhadkan me dard aapka hi hota hai I Love You Daddy

Best Children Day SMS Collections

1. Teacher Teacher, aaj naa kuch kehna humko Aaj hum khoob mauj udayenge, Saal bhar toh aapki humni suni… Aaj hum baate aapko apni batayenge.. Happy Children’s Day 2. Dear children! A smile of yours can show heaven on earth. A twinkle of your eyes can still us for ages. Happy children's day.God Bless. 3. Happy Children’s Day Teacher Aaj hum khoob mauj udayenge, Saal bhar toh aapki humni suni Aaj hum baate aapko apni batayenge 4. Children are the World's most valuable resources and its best hope for the future" Happy Children's Day 5. Children Are Like A Wet Cement. Whatever Falls On Them Makes An Impression. HAPPY CHILDRENS DAY. 6. Desh ke Pragaty ke hum hai Aadar Hum karenge Cha Cha Nehru ke Sapne Sahakar Happy Children's Day 7. Chacha ka hai janamdivas Sabhi bacche aayenge Chacha ji ke phool gulab se.. Hum bache sama sab mehkayenge! Happy Children’s Day 8. We are the future... The hope for a brighter tomorrow... We, the children of the world... Are symbols of promise... and potential Happy International children's Day 9. Time for some splashing fun Cheers 'n' jolly time for everyone coz it's Children's Day May the love n laughter always stay on every child's face. Happy Childrens Day 10. Such a treasure your precious child is, Who will thrive on every hug and kiss. Hold them close and sing them songs; they will only be a child for so long. Happy Children's Day. 11. Children are the image of God Let's celebrate the spirit of childhood on this International Children's Day 12. Children are the image of God Let's celebrate the spirit of childhood on this International Children's Day 13. Desh ke Pragaty ke hum hai Aadar Hum karenge Cha Cha Nehru ke Sapne Sahakar Happy Children's Day 14. There r some things, many cnt buy, 1 of such thing is our childhood, enjoy d spirit of children day… Happy Children’s Day! 15. Let's join hands on Universal Children's Day... To make this world a safer place for the lil'l ones.

Beautiful Christmas (X Mas) SMS Collections

1. 2. May ur neighbours respect u Trouble neglect u The angels protect u and Heaven accept u Happy Christmas and Happy Holiday 3. your as big boned as father christmas claus, your as stupid as a donkey, your as shit in bed as a camal, but your still the right person for me! 4. Jingle bells Jingle bells what fun it is to wish our friends a very merry christmas. 5. Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. 6. Bells are ringing the wishes of Christmas day the flying snowflakes send my most sincere blessings to you Merry Christmas 7. He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. 8. May All The Sweet Magic Of Christmas Conspire To Gladden Your Hearts And Fill Every Desire 9. Christmas may be many things or it may be a few. For you, the joy for me it’s watching U. 10. Here's wishing you all the joys of the season. Wish you and your family a Merry Christmas! 11. A silent night a star above a blessed gift of hope and love. A blessed Christmas to you Happy Holidays. 12. If One Night A Big Fat Man Jumps In At Your Window Grabs You And Puts You In A Sack Don't Worry I Told Santa I Wanted You For CHRISTMAS 13. Lets welcome the year which is fresh and new, Lets cherish each moment it beholds, Lets celebrate this blissful New year. Merry X-mas 14. your as big boned as father Christmas Claus, your as stupid as a donkey, your as shit in bed as a camel, but your still the right person for me 15. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas & a great new year. Hopefully Santa will be extra good to you. Merry Christmas 16. If one night you wake up and a big fat male is trying to put you in a sack please don't be afraid because i told santa all i want for christmas is you. HAPPY CHRISTMAS 17. There's nothing sadder in the world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. 18. If one night a big fat man jumps in at your window, grabs you and puts you in a sack don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for CHRISTMAS. HAPPY CHRISTMAS 19. May the glow of Christmas the spirit of Christmas, and the magic of Christmas fill your heart all year long 20. I am dreaming of white Christmas with every christmas card i write May your days be merry and bright and May all your christmases be white Happy Christmas.

Best 20 Janmashtami SMS Collections

1. Lord Krishna said: Whatever belongs to you today, belonged to someone else yesterday and it will belong to some one else tomorrow. Don’t be illusioned by maya. Maya is the root cause of all pain and misery. Happy Janmashtami 2. Shri Krishna janamastmi ki hardik badhai.. haathi ghoda palki jai kanhaiya lal ki. Bhagwan shri krishna aapki har manokamna puri karen. 3. Makhan churakr jisne khaya, Bansi bajakr jisne nachaya, Khushi manao uske janm ki Jisne duniya ko Prem shikhaya. HAPPY JANMASATMI... 4. Nand ke ghar Anand Hi Anand Bhayo Jo Nand Ke Ghar Gopal Aayo Jai Ho Murli Dhar Gopal ki Jai Ho Kanhaiya Lal Ki Happy Janmashtami. 5. Murli Manohar, Brij ke Dhrohar. Wo Nandlalla Gopala, Bansi Ki Dhun Pr Sab k Dukh HarneWala. Sab Milkar Machay Dhoom Ki Krishna Ana Wala Hai. Happy Krishna Janmashtami 6. Kabhi Apne Gaur Kiya hai? RADHE KRISHNA What Does it Mean? Just Think Speak These Words Very Slow RAAH-DE KRISHNA Means Give Me Direction..! HAPPY JANMASHTMI. 7. Krishan ka naam lo sahara milega. Yeh jeevan na tumko dubara milega. Happy Janmashtami to you. 8. Yashoda ka nandlala birij ka ujala hai. Nand lal se to sara jag zilmilzye. Krishna Janmashtami ki haardik subhkaamnaye! 9. Today is very precious day Some one special was born Born to fight against inhumanity Born to save the trust in God Happy Janamashtami 10. It is very obvious that there will be victory of truth always, So always try to do the things told by Krishna and behave like a lord Rama HAPPY JANMASHTAMI 11. Jab jab hogi dharam ki hani, Yab tab lenge avatar bhagwan Kar denge papiyon sanghar, Au mukti denge ham prathvi wasiyon ko. Jai Shri Krishana Happy Janmashtami 12. Nand' ghare aanad bhayo Jay kaniya lalki Gökul' ma aanad bhayo Jay bölö göpalki 'Hathi' diyo 'ghöda' diyo Or diyo palkhi 'Yasoda' ne 'lal' bhayo Jay bolo gopalki Happy janmastmi in advance Jay Sri Krishna 13. Maakhan chorr hai aayo Yashomati Maiya ka nandlala Dharti pe bhagwan ka avataar hai aoyo Harne Kans jaise papi ko Karne kalyan Dharti maa ka.. Sheshnag ki chatra mein wo hai aayo Banke Kanha makhan chorr hai aayo 14. Krishna jisaka nam hai,Gokul jisaka dham hai aise bhagvan ko ham sab ka pranam hai.. HAPPY JANMASHTAMI 15. Knahhaiya hamare dulare Wahi sabse pyare Makhan ke liye jhagad jaye Gopiya dekhkar akrshit ho jaye Lekin sabke rakhwale Tabhi to sabhi ke dulare Happpppy Janmashtmi 16. Krishan ka naam lo sahara milega. Yeh jeevan na tumko dubara milega. Happy Janmashtami to you. 17. ..^..@ ,(-_-), '\'''''.\'='-. \/..\\,' //"") (\ / \ |, ,, '," "JAI SHRI KRISHNA" Happy Janmshtami 18. shyam tere charno ki mujhe dhul jo mil jaye sach kehta hu main shyam meri takdeer swar jaye BOLO SHYAM PYARE KI JAI. 19. May da Natkhat Nandlal always give you, many reasones 2 be Happy and u find peace in Krishne consciousness. Happy Janmashtami.. 20. Pavitra parv aaj ka din hai Liya janam hamare krishna ne Jiske liye sarvatra brahmaand prassann hai Jai kishan Jai Kishan Jai gosh se vishva dhanya hai

20 Best Durga Pooja SMS Collections

1. Is Durga Puja aapki zindagi khushion se bhari ho Duniya ujalo se roshan ho Ghar par Maa Durga ka aagman ho 2. May this Dasara light up for you. The hopes of Happy times And dreams for a year full of smiles Wish you Happy Dasara. 3. Durga Puja SMS in Hindi : 5 Durga Puja Khushiyo ki Ujalo ki Maa Durga ki. Aapki zindagi khushiyose bhari ho Duniya ujalo se roshan ho, Ghar me Maa Durga ka Aagman ho Happy Durga Puja 4. Jindagi ki har tamana ho puri Koi aarju rahe na adhuri Kartehai haanth jodkar maa durga ki winti aapki har manokamna ho puri. Happy Durga puja 5. May dis Durga Puja You all get the happiness You had longed 4 times.. Happy Durga Puja..!! Enjoy 6. Durga Puja Khushio ka Ujalo ka, Ma Durga ka Is Durga puja Aapki Jindagi khushio se bhari ho Duniya ujalo se roshan ho ghar par Maa Durga ka Aagman ho... 7. Celebrate The Victory Of The Force Of Good Over Evil. Lets Celibrate An Auspicious Day To Begin New Thing In Life. Happy Dussera. 8. Maa durga apko 9 bhujao se 1-Bal 2-Buddhi 3-Aishwarya 4-Sukh 5-Swasthya 6-Daulat 7-Abhijeet 8-Nirbhikta 9-Sampannta Pradan kare JAI MATA DI 9. Ashirwad bado ka Pyar dosto ka Duaen sabki Karuna rabki Durga Puja ki hardik shubhkamnaey 10. Maago Tomar Charan Sparshe kete jaak Sakal dukkho shok, Tomar Mangal-aloke charidik alokito hok ! Subho Durga Puja 11. "NAVRATRA" N-Nav chetna, A-akhand jyoti, V-Vighna nasak, R-Ratjageshwari, A-Adbhut, T-Trikal darshi, R-Raksha karti, A-Anandmayi Ma Nav Gurga bless you. Happy NAVRATRA 12. Durga Puja Khushio ka Ujalo ka Maa Durga ka Is Durga puja Aapki Jindagi khushio se bhari ho Duniya ujalo se roshan ho, ghar par Maa Durga ka Aagman ho… Happy Durga Puja 13. Chandan Ki Khushbu Resham Ka Haar, Saawan Ki Sugandh Baarish Ki Fuhar, Radha Ki Ummide Kanhaiya Ka Pyar, Mubarak Ho Apko NAVRATRI Ka Tyohar. 14. Himer paras mone jage sabi jeno notun lage agamonir khaborpeye boner pakhi utlo jege sishirveja notun bhore ma aschemortoloke. Happy durga puja 15. Shiuli phuler gandho makha sharat akash khani, Kash phul r ghaser dolay kar oi padadhwani ? Sharad shubhechcha Happy Durga Puja 16. Roder jhilik sorot akash Siuli fuler gandho Maa Asche abar ghore Dorja keno bondho ? Pujo elo taito abar Bajna bajay dhaki Gune dekho pujo aste 19ta din baki. 17. Maa ki jyoti se noor milta hai. Sabke dilon ko surur milta hai. Jo bhi jata hai mata ke dwar, Usse kuch na kuch jarur milta hai. 18. Lal chunri se saja maa ka darbar.. Harshat hua man pulkit hua sansar.. Nanhe kadmo se Maa aaye aapke dwar. Mubarak ho Apko NAVRATRI ka tyohar. 19. May Goddess Durga eliminate all your vices Have a blessed Durga Puja Happy Durga Puja 20. Sisir bheja bhorer batas.. Jholmole rod, khusir abhas.. Rat shesher chander alo.. Puja asche janiye dilo. Hullor adda prem abakash Du haat diye dakche akash.

Best 20 Diwali SMS Collections

1. Pal Pal se banta hai Ehasas Ehsas se banta hai Vishvas Vishvas se bante hai Rishte Aur rishte se banta hai koi Khas Wishing a Diwali Jhakas 2. Muskarte hanste deep tum jalana, Jivan main nai khushiyon ko lana, Dukh dard apne bhool kar, Sabko gale lagna, sabko gale lagna… 3. Koi MuskuRata Hai Kisike Aansu Behte Hai DosTo Saal Me Ek Baar Diye Ka DIL Jalta Hai Aur Log Usiko DIWALI Kehte Hai. HAPPY DIWAL All Of You 4.Galabi RANG hay Jhoom rha SANSAR Suraj ke Kirne Khushiyon ke BAHAR Chand ki Chandni Apnon ka Pyar Mubarak ho Apko DIWALI ka Tahwar. 5. A festival full of sweet childhood memories sky full of fireworks mouth full of sweets house full of diyas and heart full of joy. 6. Lakhsmi ka Hath ho Saraswati ka Sath ho Ganesh ka niwas ho Aapke jeevan mai p br rakash hi prakash ho...."HAPPY DIWALI" 7. Ek diya sadbudhi ka…, Ek diya man ke ujhale ka,… Ek diya vivek ka jala To jagmag ho sara jha 8. Kya Bharosa Mobile Ka Bettry ka Charger Ka Network Ka Balance Ka Life ka Time ka Isi Liye Advance Me "Happy Diwali! 9. SUKH SHANTI SAMADHAN SAMRUDHI AISHWARYA AAROGYA PRATISHTHA YA SAPTARANGI DIVYA NI AAPLE JEEVAN PRAKASHMAY HOVO!! Happy DIPAWALI 10. Dali ney dali par nazar dali Kisi ne is par dali Kisi ney uspar dali Hum ne jis par nazar dali, Uske baap ne uski shaadi kahin aur kar dali. ** Happy Diwali All My Frnds** 11. Dosto se har lamhe me diwali hai Dosti ki ye dunia diwani hai dosto ke bina jindgi bekar hai dosto se hi to jindgi me bahar hai… Happy Diwali 12. Let this Deepavali the burst of light that it is light up your life in every possible way Above all, may you know inner light Love and light. 13. Jagmag Thali Sajao Mangal Deepo ko Jalao Apne Gharo aur Dilo main Asha ki Kiran Jagao Khushali aur Samridhi se bhara ho apka jeevan Isi Kamna ke Saath Shubh Deepawali. 14. Agr aap muje SMS nhi kroge to 8 din bad apke ghar m bomb ftega daro nhi yar 10 din k bad "DIWALI" hai.wish u HAPPY DIWALI in advance. 15. Happiness is in air Its Diwali everywhere Lets show some love and care And wish everyone out there Happy Diwali 16. Everyday Sun Rise To Give Us A Message That Darkness Will Always Be Beaten By Light. Let Us Follow The Same Natural Rule And Enjoy The Festival Of Good Defeats Evil. Happy Diwali 17. Phoolo ka durd mali samjhe Kato ka dard daali samjhe Ye kaisa dastur hai duniya ka... Dil jale diye ka aur log usey diwaali samjhe... 18. I Wish U a Very !"!__!"! APPY !_!""!_! !"!__!"! APPY !_!""!_! !"!__!"! APPY !_!""!_! !"!__!"! APPY !_!""!_!Diwali 19. May this diwali Light up new dreams Fresh hopes, undiscovered avenues Different perspectives Everythin bright & beautifulfil and Fill ur days with pleasant surprises and moments. 20. Diyon ki roshni se jhilmilata aangan ho.. Patakhon ki goonjo se aasman roshan ho.. Aisi aaye jhum ke yeh diwali.. Har taraf kushiyon ka mausam ho.. HAPPY DIWALI

Happy Independence Day SMS

1. Lahoo main doob rahi hai Fiza-e-Arz-e-Watan Main kis zuan se kahon JASHAN-E-AZADI MUBARAK 2. !!!==--..__..-=-._; !!!==--..@..-=-._; !!!==--..__..-=-._; !! !! !! HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY. 3. This Nation will remain the Land Of The Free Only, so long as it is the home of the Braves! Happy Independence Day 4. Apunka pehala SMS 15th Aug Ko Sare zahan se achcha hindusta hamara aao milke wada kare jhanda ucha rahe hamara Happy Independence Day 5. Haq Milta Nahi Liya Jaata Hai Aazadi Milti Nahi Cheeni Jaati Hai Naman Unn Desh Premiyon Ko Jo Desh Ki Aazadi Ki Jang Ke Liye Jaane Jaate Hain… Happy Independence Day 6. Yeh Watan Mera Misaal Piyar Ki Todta Hay Dewaar Nafratoon Ki Mere Khush Nasabi Hay Mili Zindagi is Chaman Main Bhula Na Sakay Koi iski Khusboo Saton Janam Main JASHAN-E-AZADI MUBARIK HO 7. Watan hamra misaal mohabbat ki Todta hai deewar nafrat ki Meri khus nasibi,mili zindagi is chaman me, Bhula na sake koiiski khusboo saton janam me, Happy Independence Day 8. I am in love I am passionate about her I loving every moment of it and why not its her 64th Birth Day Its apna India. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY 9. Happy happy independence day to all Freedom in the Mind, Faith in the words.. Pride in our Souls.. Lets salute the Nation on 64th Independence Day 10. Halki si dhop barsaat k bad, thori si khushi her bat k bad, Ishi tarhan mubarak ho apko Jashan-e-azaadi 1 din k bad…. Wish u Happy Independence Day 11. Thousands laid down their lives so that our country breath this day... never forget their sacrifice.. Happy Independence day 12. Independence day is a good time to examine who we are and how we got here. 13. Na sar jhuka hai kabhi Aur na jhukayenge Kabhi Jo apne dum pe jiyen sach me zindagi hai wahi. Live like a true INDIAN. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY 14. Na zuban se Na nigahon se Na dimag se Na rango se Na greeting se Na gift se Aapko Jashne Azadi Mubarak direct dil se. Happy Independence Day 15. !!!==--..__..-=-._; !!!==--..@..-=-._; !!!==--..__..-=-._; !! !! !! JAY HIND HAVE A GREAT INDEPENDENCE DAY ...Feel PROUD 2 BE AN INDIA ........ HINDUSTHAN ZINDABAD 16. Aj mai apse apne dil ki bat kahna chahta hon Haan wohi 3 alfaz jo ap sunna chahtay hain Haan wohi 3 alfaz jo ap k dil ko cholain HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY 17. SARFAROSHI KI TAMNNA AB HAMARE DIL MAIN HAI, DEKHNA HAI JOR KITNA BAJOO-A-KATIL MAIN HAI. 18. Some people like sunday, Some people like monday, But i like only one day That is INDEPENDENCE DAY. Happy Independence Day 19. Today we are miles apart but I wanna reach across the miles and say I'm thinking of you in a very special way. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY 20. **.--,_ ********['****'\. *********\*******`''| *********|*********,] **********`._******]. ************|*****\ **********_/*******-'\ *********,'**********,' *******_/'**********\*********************,....__ **|--''**************'-;_********|\*****/******.,' ***\**********************`--.__,'_*'----*****,-' ***`\******** 15th August ********\`-'\__****,| ,--;/ ********************************/*****.|*,/ \__*** HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY *'|****/**/* **./**_-,*************************_|*** **\__/*/************************,/********" *******|**********************_/ *******|********************,/ *******\* I Love My India */ ********|**************/.-' *********\***********_/ **********|*********/ ***********|********| ******.****|********| ******;*****\*******/ ******'******|*****| *************\****_| **************\_,/

20 Best Sardar SMS and Jokes Collection

1. Santa- Yaar! A Auratein Sharab Se Nafrat Q Karati Hai? Banta- Islye Ki, Sharab Pine Ke Baad Chuhe Jaisa Pati Bhi Sher Ho Jata Hai. 2. Sardar climbed a tree. Monkey asked: "Too uper kyon aaya?" Sardar: "Apple Khane" Monkey: "Yeh to mango tree" Sardar: "Idiot, apple saath laaya hoon" 3. Teacher to Sardar: Write your best friend's name in English. Sardar wrote: ' Beautiful Red Underware' Teacher: What? Sardar: His name is Sundar Lal Chaddi roshan 4. Sardar ji; Bhagwan mujhe dard de,Dukh de,tention de,mujhe barbad kar de,mere piche BHoot laga de, Bhabwan;abe sale ek line me bol ke biwi chahiye. 5. Bus conductor: Ticket, ticket Sardar: Give two tickets Conductor: Why two? Sardar: If I lose one, another will be there Conductor: What if you lose both? Sardar: No problem, I have pass... 6. Passenger-Tumne Mere Jeb Me Hath Kyu Dala? Santa-Muje Machis Chahiye Thi. Pasen-Tum Mujhse Mang Sakte The. Santa-Me Ajnabi Se Bat Nhi Karta. 7. Sardar orders pizza. Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces? Sardar: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge nikki 8. Teacher:Wo Kon C Cheez Hay Jo Insan Ke Izzat Ko Mazboti Say Jakray Rakhti Hay? Sardar Je: MISS NARRA 9. Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu? Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00 10. A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days. Lady calls again. Santa replies, “I’m coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.” 11. Salsman-Which Soap U Use? Santa-BABA''S Soap, BABA''S Paste, BABA''S Brush. Salsman-Is BABA''S A INTRNATIONAL Company? Santa: Baba Is My Room Mate. 12. Sardar: Yar Mere Bal Boht Gir Rahe Hain Frnd: Wo Kyun? Sardar: Fikr Se? Frnd: Konsi Fikr Hai Tume? Sardar: Bal Girne Ki Fikr Se 13. Interviewer: What is a skeleton? Sardar: Sir, skeleton is a person who started dieting, but forgot to stop it!! 14. Ek american ek sardar se kaha hamare yahan saadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai isper sardar bola kamal hai hamare yahan to sirf female se hoti hai 15. Bank manager asks Sardar in an interview: "What is cyclone" Sardar: "It is the loan given to purchase a cycle" 16. Sardar:I''ve Pain In Ma Ryt Leg Doc:Its Nothin .Its Only Coz Of Old Age. Sardar:As Far As I Know, Both Ma Legs R Of Same Age 17. Sardar Was Sleeping In His Bed Room With His Wife Why Are You Scrolling Down So Fast. Let Him Sleep With His Wife 18. Sardar ne shok me roza rakh lia He asked 2 his son:vekh,suraj dooba son:nai g Again asked: dooba kia son:nai g Sardar:lagda hay menu lay k he dubay ga 19. Buffalo par baithe ek Sardar ko Traffic Police ne roka aur puncha, “aapka helmet kahan hai?” Fine lagega. Sardar replied, “baawle dhyaan se dekh neche!” “4 wheelar hai.” 20. SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoon Arsalan Shaka

Best 20 Children SMS and Jokes Collections

1. During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him. Teacher:Pappu, join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body. Pappu: (Thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school. 2. The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school. "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal. "Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," replies the voice. "Well, what seems to be the problem with him?" "We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice, "I hope it is all right." "I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who is calling?" "Sure. This is my father!" 3. Little Freda was at the Zoo with her dad when he asks her, “What do you call a deer with no eyes, darling?” “What, dad?” “No idea.” 4. Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Ramu: A teacher 5. Little Moshe’s dad asks him one day, “Do you know what the hat said to the scarf?” “No, daddy, I don’t,” replies Moshe. ”You hang around while I go on ahead,” says his dad. 6. Chota Santa stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the Sabji wala: 10 kilo sugar at Rs 1.25 a kilo 4 kilo coffee at Rs1.50 a kilo 2 kilo butter at Rs1.10 a kilo 2 bars soap at Rs0.83 each 7. Just before she went to bed, little Ruth’s mum asks her a question, “Do you know how to make milk shake, darling?” “No I don’t, mum.” “You give it a good fright.” 8. Maths teacher asks a boy what are 2,4,10,17. ... .. . .. . The boy replies they are HBO, ZOOM, SONY and POGO. 9. Teacher: Ramu, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. Ramu: Me! 10. Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns. Johnny: Who, me? Teacher: Very good! 11. Child : Mom isbar hum sare patake is shop se lenge. Mom : lekin beta ye toh girls hostel hai. Child : Papa to kehte hai ki sari phuljadiya yahi raheti hai. 12. A little girl made a cup of tea for her mother. "I didn't know you could make tea," said mum taking a sip. "Yes, I boiled some water, added the tea leaves like you do, and then strained it into a cup. But I couldn't find the strainer, so I used the fly swatter." "What!" exclaimed mum, choking on her tea. "Oh, don't worry. I didn't use the new fly swatter. I used the old one." 13. Ek chote bacche ne apani pregnant mummy se pucha : Isme kya hai? Mummy : Isme pyara sa Baby hai. Baccha : Itana pyara tha to khaya kyu ussko? 14. Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Ramu: Brotherly love. 15. 1st-3rd: Hey! I studied everything for exams. 4th-6th: Hey! That question was very hard so I didn't attempt it. 7th-10th: Hey! Studied only important questions. 11th: I think 4 chapters are enough to get passing marks. 12th: Which exam is tomorrow? College: Crazy guys! At least you should have told me that there's an exam today. I am not even carrying a Pen today. 16. Little Naomi said to her mum, “Mum, what’s got four legs and one foot?” ”I don’t know,” said her mum. “A bed.” 17. Teacher : A for? Student : Apple !!! Teacher : Jor se bolo… Student : JAI MATA DI 18. There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, "What is three plus four?" The little boy counts it out on his fingers and said, "Seven." The uncle said, "Listen kid, you can't count it out on your hands because someday when you are in school, a teacher will get mad at you for it. Now put your hands in your pockets." So the little boy put his hands in his pockets and his uncle asked, "What is five plus five?" The uncle saw movement in the boys pockets, then the boy said, "Eleven." 19. One breakfast time, little Rebecca says to her mum, “What two things can't you have for breakfast, mum?” “I don’t know?” “Lunch and dinner, of course.” 20. Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America. Shamu: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America? Ramu: Shamu!

Sweet and Beautiful April Fool SMS and Jokes Collections

1. You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!! Just a second, don't misunderstand. CUTE means: Creating Useless Troubles Everywhere.. 2. Switch the handles on the refrigerator to the side that doesn’t open. 3. A day will come when the world will celebrate your name, your fame, your personality and your views. But April Fool comes once in a year and that your day. 4. I am your girlfriend: Smart. Intelligent. Sweet. Talented. Excllent. Romantic. theek kaha na ? In short I am your S.I.S.T.E.R. 5. 31st March Or 1st april Fool is Fool dosnt matter. Wishing very happy, prosperous and joyful Fool Day to the King of Fools.. 6. Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf. 7. 1st April ko logo ko murkh banane k 5 tarike.. . . . . . . . Ye pahela tha.. Happy all fools day. 8. Put food coloring in the hand soap dispenser. 9. U are a BITCH Beautiful Intelligent Talented Cute Hilarious r u smiling now? ? ? ? *YOU ARE REALLY BITCH* 10. For a fruity April Fool's practical joke, get a few gummy worms and carefully poke them into fresh fruit, particularly apples. Give mom or dad a wormy apple for lunch and leave a few apples on the table for friends and family members to snack on. 11. SHORT SUMMARY OF 1ST APRIL spain per qabza hua to muslims ko christians nay wada ker k ship main sawar kiya or kaha k app hifazat sat AFRICA chalay jao gy. lakin jab ship sea main gaya to christian na muslims ko zinda jala dia. THEY CELEBRATE THIS DAY IN THE MEMORY OF MAKING MUSLIMS FOOL. so don't celebrate 12. Take the door knob off a door and put it back on backwards, then lock it and leave the door open. 13. Hey U Know Which is the best day to propose a girl.. April 1 U Know Why?? If she accept its your luck otherwise just tell April Foooooll. 14. Fool se, fool ne, Foolon ki foolwari me Fool ke sath wish kiya 'You are the most beautifool, Colorfool & wonderfool Amongst all the fools. Happy April Fool's Day 15. If today any 1 talks & praises u 4 ur 1) gud looks 2 ) nature 3 ) style 4 ) attitude, kick them off. How dare they fool u before april 1st. 16. Switch the Push and Pull signs on a set of doors. 17. Gulab Ka FOOL bago me khil raha hai, Chameli ka FOOL chaman me mahek raha hai, Kamal ka FOOL pani me tair raha hai, Aur APRIL ka FOOL mera sms padh raha hai. 18. Buy some underwear, write a co-worker’s name in them, then leave them on the floor of the office bathroom. 19. Anewala Kal Tumhara Hai. Tumhara Tha. Tumhara Hi Rhega. Us pr Tumhara Hi Haq hai. Socho Kyon? . . . Kyuki kal 1st APRIL Hai. HAPPY FOOLs DAY 20. For a great April Fool's joke, if you have little holders for your salt and pepper, switch the salt with sugar and then watch your family's and friend's faces when they try their food! Just make sure they have something they eat salt with.

20 Best Funny Shayari 1. Phool muskurakar bola, Abhi tu nadaan hai, Jiwan ke sacche pyaar se, Abhi tu anjan hai, Jo de kar bhi kuch na mange wahi to saccha pyaar hai. 2. Meri ankhein rakh lo mujhey kuch khuaab dey do, Jis mein tumhari jhalak ho aisi sharab de do, Chalo choro sari batien ek baat maan jao, Meri sari umer ley lo bus ek pal ka saath dey do... 3. Pani asman ki tarf uthey to bhaap, Asman se niche gire to barish, Jm ke gire to olay, Gir ke jame to barf... 4. Phoolon ki patti pe gire to sabnam, Phoolon se nikle to arq, Jmaa ho jai to jheel, Aankho se nikle to ansoo... 5. Kahabon ki tarah tha na Khayalon ki tarha tha, Wo shaks ilme rayazi key sawalon ki tarha tha, Uljha hoya itna ke samaj nahin paata tha, Suljh hoya itna key misalon ke tarha tha... 6. SMS karenge hum ek duje ko bari bari, Hame lagti hai ye rasam badi pyaari, Ye SMS milte hi ek SMS bhej dena, Kyu ki hame bilkul pasand nahi udhari... 7. Har majburi se ladna seekh lo, Har ghum ke saath jeena seekh lo, Zindagi ko jiyo khushi se hamesha, Aurdostoh ko yaad rakhna seekh lo... 8. Jab bhi khayal aaya to aapka aaya, Aakhen band kiyin to khayal aapka aaya, Socha yaad karlu bhagwan ko ek pal, Par hoth khola to naam aapka aaya... 9. Kabhi apni galiyon se kabhi bazm-e-sham se, Awaaz de raha hoon tujhe har muqam se, Ye teri julfon ka ghana andhera hai, Ya bujha diya hai chiragon ko sham se... 10. Waada nibha diya humney, Ek khat likh diya humney, Nahi koi ehsaan tujh perae sanam, Dil ka pyaar tum par loota diya humney... 11. Zakhm aan jane ki aadat h unhe, Rula k muskrane ki aadat h unhe, Milenge kabhi to khub rulayenge, Suna hai rootey huye lipat jane ki aadat h unhe... 12. Wo mil jaaye muje ye kafi he, Meri har saans ne ye dua mangi he, Jane kyu dil khica chala, Jata he uski tarf, Kya usne be muje pane ki DUA mangi hai... 13. Ek khamoshi bekrar kar jati hai, Ek khamosi ikrar ban jati hai, Pyaar kro to kabhi khaamosh mat rehna kyuki, Sirf ek khomosi zindgi bhar ka intjar ban jati hai... 14. Itna toota hu chduney se bikhar jaunga, Ab dua doge to mar jaunga, Puchh ke mera pata waqt barbad na kar, Main banjara hun na jane kidhar jaunga... 15. Har kisi ko hum yun wish nahi karte, Ye baat hum yahi finish nahi karte, Agar na aaye hamara SMS to, Ye na samajh lena ki hum aapko MISS nahi karte... 16. Kisi ki yaad aane ka koi bahana nahi hota, Zindgi ka har pal suhana nahi hota, Door hona to kismat ki baat hai, Par dur hone ka matlab apno ko bhulana nahi hota... 17. Such to yeh hai subfasaane hain duniya dari ke, Kis ne kis na sukoon loota hai, Such to yeh hai ke zamane mein, Main bhi jhoota hoon, tu bhi jhoota hai... 18. Waqt mila tab yaad karte ho, Mann huya to baat karte ho, Ek jamana tha pal pal humko yaad karte the, Ab to ek jamane ke baad yaad karte ho... 19. Meri life me aapka mukaam bahut khaas hai, Harpal aapki doori ka eshaas hai, Jab bhi aapka S.M.S nahi aata to, Lgta hai mere mobile ka aaj 'upwas' hai... 20. Ruthi zindagi ko manana aata hai humey, Ruthe dost ko hasana aata h humey, Kya hua jo na bas sake hm kisi k dil mein, Logo ko apne dil mein basana aata h ame...

20 Best Funny Shayari 1. Aalfaz ki shakal main aehsaas likha jata hai, Mere jazbaat se to meri kalam bhi waqif hai ji, Jab main pyar likhta hu to aapka naam likha jata hai... 2. Tum hasten ho mujhe hasane ke liye, Tum rote ho muje rulane ke liye, Tum ek baar rooth ke to dekho meri jaan, Mar jaunga tumhe manane k liye... 3. dard to hamne intezar mein dekha hai, Chaahat ka asar pyaar mein dekha hai, Log dhundte hai mandir masjid me jis khuda ko, Use humne apne pyaar me dekha hai... 4. Main to yaadon ke lamhon ko jalane main raha, Dil ke dehleez ko ashkon se sajane main laga raha, Mud gaye woh to sikko ki khanak sunkar, Main to garebeen ki lakero ko mithane main raha... 5. Hamri dosti auro jaisi nahin, Pepsi jaisi bhi nahin, Ke ye dil maange mori, Ye hogi L.I.C jaisi, Jindagi ke saath bhi, Jindagi ke baad bhi... 6. Itni choti nhi dosti apni, Kaise soch liya k keenara a gaya, Ho gai mobile main roshni, Aur SMS humara aa gaya... 7. Bhari mehfi main tanha rehna accha lagta hai, Tarey barey main sochtey rehna accha lagta hai, Kabhi phulon main, Kabhi kaliyon main, Tujh ko hi dhundtey rehna accha lagta hai... 8. Meri Zindagi ki khushiyan tumhe say hain, Rab say sirf tumhein hi mangna acha lagta hai, Hamarey darmiyan hai sadiyon ka fasla, Kuch is tarhan guftagu karna acha lagta hai... 9. Tumharey bagheer zindagi ka koi tasavvur nahi hai, Kuch is tarhan tumhari tamanna karna aacha lagta hai, Tum hi ho chaha, tum hi ko chatey hain Tumhi ko chatey rehna accha lagta hai... 10. Kasur na uska hai na mera, Hum donohi rishton ki rasmein nibhate rahe, Wo dosti ka eshaas jatate rahe, Hum mohabbat ko dil mein chupate rahe... 11. Tumhare sath rahon chand baan kar dekhon, Tumhare sang hi main eid ka manzar dekhon, Tumhare naam se badlay shayad taqdeer meri, Tumhara anme nain hathon pay saja kar dekhon... 12. Chale gaye ho dur kuch pal ke liye, Dur rhekar bhi kareeb ho har pal ke liye, Kaise yaad na aaye aapki ek pal ke liye, Jab dil me ho aap harpal ke liye... 13. Tere hontoon pe saj jaon, Dua honay ko jee chahta hai, Sari duniyan bhula kar bas, Terahonay ko jee chahta hai... 14. Saathi sirf wo to nahi hota, Jo jeevan bhar saath nibhaye, Saathi to wo hata hai jo, Jeewan ke kuch palon main hi jeewan bhar ka saath de jaye... 15. Is dil ka kaha mano ek eshaan kar do, Ek benaam si muhabbat mere naam kar do, Mere zaat pe fakat itna ehsaan kar do, Ek subah ko milo or sham kar do... 16. Rangin ho tum rangon se bhi zyada, Smart ho tum sub doston me zyada, Agar asya tum sochty hoto, Pagal ho tum had se zyada... 17. Woh jate huye keyh gaye, Hum se ke ab hum sirf aap ke khwaab hi me aayenge, Koi keh de unse ke wo wada to karein, Hum hamesha ke liye soo jayenge... 18. Chand jab nikley to tera gumaan hata hai, Kis quader dil freb ya samaa hota hai, Hum teri yaadon me khoye rehty hain, Nind main jb sara jhaan hota hai... 19. Aapke MISS CALL bhi SMS bhi din raat hain, Kabhi kabhi phone bhi kiya karo, Suna hain aapake awaaz me bhi khas baat hain... 20. Aye phool tu mujko bata, Tu kyu aaj tak khilta raha, Tune to de sabko khusbu, Tujko kya milta raha...

20 Best Funny Shayari 1. Woh khafa hain humse jo is tarah, Hum khud se ladte hain be wajah, Ro bhi liye be intihaan, Yun si lage zindagi ab jaise, Koi le hi le dhadkane humse... 2. Koi shaam asi nahi hoti jise teri pyaas na ho, Kagaz bhi mujrha kar kehta hai, Kyon apne gam mujhe dete ho, Meri to aankhen bhi nahi phir bhi mujhe num kar deteho... 3. Pane se khone ka maza khuch aurhota hai, Bandh ankhon main me rone ka maja khuch aur hota hai, Anshu bane gazal aur us gazal main, Tere hone ka maza kuch aur hota hai... 4. Ab akela hoon mein, Koi baat karle aake, Bahut roya tha raat, Apni bebasi ke aage... 5. Apne daaman mein chupaye the, Kuch hasin safar maine, Aaj aya hain waqt, Vo janaje lene... 6. Badal garajte hain, Lekin barsaat nahi hoti, yaad teri aati hai bhut, Lekin mulakaat nahi hoti... 7. Pyaar ki dastaan hai kuch is tarah, Dur tak jaati hai mere dil ki sada, Bepanah hai is dil khwaish i dua, Tu mil jaye to ho muqambal ye samah... 8. Mohabbat kya hai agar maloon hota tumhey, Tujhe harpalapne sine mein rakhe rahte, Kitna aziz tha ye dil meramujhe, Kis behrehmi se toda tune ise... 9. Unka matlab hai aap aankhen shbnami ker lein, Mujhe bhula k baser apni zindagi ker lein, Ye tanhain ye bebashi ye gumzada haalat, Dil mein to aata hai ki yaar khudkushi ker lein... 10. Wo mera yaar jane muje khuda sa aga, Kyun dil mein aaya chalo uski bandagi kar lein, Yun hi bus ittefaqn mil gai nazer se nazer, Dil kab aaya tha k yaarbaashiqi ker lein... 11. Raat ki thnhai main ham aawaz dia karte hain, Chand sitaronse aapka zikar kiya karte hai, Aap aao ya na aao par ham, Apka intezaar khwaboan main kia karte hain... 12. Unse keh do wo meri rahon main na aaya kare, Aa bhi jaye toh muh pher kar na jaye kare, Main toh waise hi jala dil liye firta hoon, Apni berukhi se is dil ko or na jalaya kare... 13. Jakhm gahre na the tab dil ke, Dard main is kadar mithas na thi, Aap hi ka yeh karz hai warna, Zinjagi is kadar udasna thi... 14. Kitni waffa is tanhai ne ki, Kitni mohobbat tujse humne ki, Par joo kabhi na aaya wo bs tera ikrar tha, Par meri kabar main bhi teri yaad ka saath tha... 15. Dard ko na dard se dekho, Dard ko bhi dard hota hai, Dard ko bhi zaroorat hai pyaar ki, Akhir pyaar me dard hi to hamdard hota hai... 16. Yun nazron ki baat ki to dil chura gaye, Andheron ke saaye me dhadkane suna gaye, Humne to samjha tha aapko ajnabi, Magar aap to hame hi apna bana gaye... 17. In hazaroan ki duniya main, Tumhara hi chehra nazar kyu aata hai, Dil akela reh gya hai phir bhi, Uska ehsas hi nazar kyu aata hai... 18. Toofan me bhi ye sagar, Viran nazar kyu nazar aata hai, Barish ke mousan main bhi mera man, Kyu sukha virannazar aata hai... 19. Akela hu mefir wo, Kyu muje mere pass nazar aata hai, Chah ke bhi dur nahi ho pa raha main us se, Kyu wo bar bar mere khwabo me nazar aata hai... 20. Dil tod diya usne mera tab bhi, Wo mujhe apna pyaar hi nazar kyu aata hai, Kaisa ye ehsas hai pyaar ka, Kijo hamko tod ke jata hai wo bhi, Kyu hame apna pyar sansar aata hai...

20 Best Funny Shayari 1. Jalatey hai hum apne dil ko diye ki tarha, Teri zindagi mein khushiyon ki roshni lane ke liye, Seh jate hai har chubhan apne pairo taley, Teri raho mein phool bichane ke liye... 2. Wo nadi nahi aansoon the mere, Jinpar wo kashti chalate rahe, mazil unko mile ye chahat thi meri, Is liye hum aansoo bahate rahe... 3. Kuch mujh se cheenana hai to thnhai cheen le, Ya meri baat maan ya gawahi cheen le, Ya us ko rakhna tamaam umer mere samne, Ya mujh se meri jaan cheen le... 4. Tum hi ho mere dil ke malik, Kaise tumhein samjhayein, Auron ke chere me bhi chera nazar tumhara ata hai, kaise tumhein yakeen dilyein... 5. Hum kisi aur ko chahein yoon toot k, Tere siva koi aur hume ab bha sakta nahi, Jaan lo tum ye jane jahan, Mere dil mein tere siva koi aur bas sakta nahi... 6. Har taraf khamoshi ka saya hai, Zindagi me pyaar kisne paya hai, Hum yaadon mein jhoomte hai uski aur zamana kheta hai, Dekho aaj phir peekar aaya hai... 7. Ek janaza aur ek baraat takra gaye, Unko dekhne wale bhi chakra gaye, Upar se aawaz aayi ye kaise vidaai hai. Mehboob ki doli dekhne aashiq ki mayyat aayi hai. 8. Aasmssn ke taare aksar pucha karte hain, Kiya tumhe ab bhi intezar hain uske laut aane ka? Aaur dil muskura ke kheta hain, Muje to ab bhi yakeen nahi uske jaaney ka... 9. Jab usko meri yaad ayaa karegi, Tab vo meri gajal gungunaya karege, Uthkar dekhege kabhi tasveer meri, Phir use sine se lagaya karege... 10. Jab bhi najar aaygi meri nisaniya, Unko daman main chhupaya karege, Beete dino ki beeti kahani chhup chhup ke geron ko btaya karege... 11. Agar phulon mein kante hai, To isme phulon ka kya kasoor, Chand par dag hai, To isme chand ka kya kasoor... 12. Wo inkaar bhi karte hai to inkaar ke liye, Nafrat bhi karte hain to pyaar k liye, Ulti chaal chalte hain ye isk wale, Aankhein bhi band karte hain to deedar ke liye... 13. Kab tak intezaar karoon main tera, Ab intazaar nahi hota, Tune jo dil na lagaya hota to, Mere ye haal na hota... 14. kaun sa phool kahan hai, Titliyan samajhti hai, Baat apne matlab ki ladkiyan samajhti hai, Kaun roz phool rakti hai Mere kamre mein, Raaz mere kamre ki khidkiyan samajahti hai... 15. Kaise bataaye kitna pyaar karte hain hum tumse, Ye bhi nahi jaante hum, Kitni khafaa ho humse, Aaogi humaare paas aur, Dogi jawaab to mar jaaenge hum khusi se... 16. Me jise chaahta tha, Wo kisi aur ki wafaa nibhaati thi, Pyaar karti thi humse, Phir bhi milne nahi aati thi... 17. Us ke dil ka haal sunkar roz marta tha, Na jaane kitni galiyo se Guzarta tha, Sochta tha zinagi ko alvida keh du, Lekin marne ke baad uska kaun hoga ye soch ke darta tha... 18. Phir ek din milne aai wo humse, Tut chuki thi puri tahaa ghum se, Maine uske dil ka haal jaane bina keh diya, Pyaar karte hai tumse hum kasam se... 19. Har phool apni mehak ko kinara deta hai, Us aasman ko to yeh jahan bhi sahara deta hai, Phir kyun mujhse door chal gai tum, Haan tuje ab bhi mera dil yaad karta hai... 20. Chand ne ki hogi suraj se mohhabat, Is liye to chand main dag hai, Mumkin hai chand se hui hogi bewafai, Is liye to suraj main aag hai...

Cricket Jokes and SMS

1. Santa:Mene Kal SANIA MIRZA Se Phone Pe Baat Ki Banta:That’s Great Yaar Usne Kya Kahaa..? Santa:Usne Kaha WRONG NUMBER 2. Q. What do Dhoni and Michael Jackson have in common? A. They both wear gloves for no apparent reason. 3. Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick? A: 3 runs in 3 balls 4. Agar Cricket Match Me 10 Balls Par Puri Team Out Ho Jaye, To Konsa Number Khilari N0t 0ut Rahega..? Ìf All Other Things Remaining The Same Only For Genious One.. 5. Batting First Class Hai Bowling Bhi Khas Hai Fielding Thodi Aam Hai Himmat Kamaal Hai Woh Team World Cup Jeetegi Jisme Dhoni Sehwag Tendulkar Bemisaal Hai 6. Ponting apni biwi se: Mujhe Chai to dena Biwi ne plate me chai dal ke diya Ponting Ghusse me: Cup me dal ke do! Biwi: CUP to tera Bap Dhoni le jayega, Isi me peene ki aadat dal. 7. Sardar Cricket Khel Kar Aya, Dost:Kitnay Runs Banay? Sardar:Triple Century Hone Me 299 Run Baqi Thay, Kanjar Ne Out Kar Dia! 8. Yuvi Aur Zaheer Chal Gaye Pichli Baar Khote Sikke Nahi Chalte Har Baar Tej Karo Apne Hathiaron Ki Dhaar Team India Ke Har Khiladi Ko Khelna Hoga Zordaar Tabhi Hoga Quarter Final Ka Beda Paar 9. Q. What would Glen McGrath be if he was an indian? A. An allrounder. 10. Pas Aapke Duniya Ka Har Sitara Ho Door Aapse Gam Ka Har Kinara Ho Jab Bhi Aapki Palkein Khule Samne Apke World Cup Sabse Pyara Ho! 11. In A Cricket Ground.. Security : Cricket Match Is Over Now Why R U Stil Sitting? Santa: Oye…Yaar.. I Am Waitin For Highlights! 12. Beta Baap Se: Agar Cricket Mei Kisi Player Ki Nazar Kamzor Ho Jaye To Uske Saath Kia Krty Hain? Baap: Beta, Usay Umpire Bana Diya Jata Hai, Jese SIMON TAUFFEL 13. Q. What’s the indian version of LBW? A. Lost, Beaten, Walloped. 14. Where do Indian batsmen perform there best? In Advertisements. 15. Teacher Told All Students In Class 2 Write N Essay On A Cricket Match All Were Busy Writing Except 1 Sardar g He Wrote “DUE TO RAIN,NO MATCH” 16. Duaao Ki Bauchar Bhartiyo Ka Pyar Maarenge Chakke Chauke Stadium Ke Par Ab To Ek Hi Vichar Sachin Ke Sang World Cup To Pakka Jitenge Is Baar 17. DHONI to SACHIN: "God has sent me on earth to show people how to play cricket-" SACHIN Replied: "I never sent anybody" 18. Q. Who has the easiest job in the indian squad? A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats. 19. Hum Sachin ko kisi hal mein 100 nahi banane denge Misbah: mager ham kaise rokenge He He Afridi: hum 100 par all out ho jayenge. 20. Q: How should the indian coach reshuffle the Indian batting order? A: Move Extras up the order  

20 Best Funny Shayari 1. Har mehfil har dil bhi royega, Jahan dubegi meri kashti wo sahil bhi royega, Itna pyar bhikher denge zamane main hum, Ki qatal karke mera qatil bhi royega... 2. Hum haste hai toh wo samjhte hain ke, Hame aadat hai muskurane ki, Lekin woh nadan kya jaane ke, Yeh bhi aada hai gum chupane ki... 3. Vo aate toa hai par tann se nahi, baaten karte toa hai par mann se nahi, Kon kehta hai vo pyaar nahi karti, Vo pyaar karti to hai par hum se nahi... 4. Nikalna na tum eid ke roj kisi masjid ke samne kahin, Kahin log tumhe chand samaj ke aapna roja na toad le, Aur khafa hoke khuda hunsan banana hi chod de... 5. Kisi ki yaad ne itna tadpa diya mujhko, Jeena mushkil tha marna bhi bhula diya usne, Zindagi gum k sagar me utar aai hai, Is tarha kashti ko meri toofa me baha diya usne... 6. Ek anokhi khushi hai sachi dosti, Khuda ki bandagi hai sachi dosti, Vishwas ke door se bandhi hai dosti, Tanhayi main mehfil jaisi lagti hai dosti... 7. Pariyo si sunder ek ladki hai, Jaane kya jadu karti hai, Chahe jitna gam ho, Per dekh ke uski surat dil ko khushi milati hai... 8. Chand se roshan chehara hai, Aankho se masti jhalkati hai, baate hai misri si meethi, Aawaz me koi koyal bolti hai... 9. Rup hai uska koi khilta hua kamal, Usko dekhkar hi shayad gazal banati hai, Kisi pal bhi wo na dur rahi humse, Her pal jo mere saansoh me basti hai... 10. Khushi itni ho ki tum dikha sako, Gum bas itna ho ki tum chupa sako, Zindgi main kam se kam ek rishta to aaisa jaroor rakhna, Jiske liye tum mud off main bhi muskura sako... 11. Din me yaad usko ek baar nahi 100 baar karte the, Ye jante hue ki uski yaad hi aayegi, Phir bhi intezar karte the par dil toota jab, Tab jana ham to kisi pathar se pyaar karte the... 12. Rang do tum hume rang de hum aapko, Ham milkar rang de sara ye jahan, Bas haseen aur gale lagen, Aur bhulen dusmani ke nishan... 13. Raat dhal gayi, Sitare chale gaye, Gairo se kya gila jab apne chale gaye, Jeet to sakte the ishq kibaji hum bhi, Par unko jitane k liye hum haarte chale gaye... 14. Yeh unki saaye ki thandak hai ya falak se aya zaal, Yeh humari beech sadiyo ki doori hai ya ek kadam ka faaslah, yeh tumhe pane ka muqaam hai ya koh dene ka khatrah... 15. Jisey dil diyaa voh delli chali gayi, Jisey pyaar kiya voh italy chali gayi, Dil ne kaha khud kusi ker le zalim, Bijli ko haath lagaaya to bijli chali gayi... 16. Aansuon ki barsaat degaye wo jaate jaate, Aahon ki saughaat degayee wo jaate jaate. Dil ne chaha tha bhar lenge use baahon me, Aarzuon ki bouchhar degayee wo jaate jaate... 17. Badhaya jo khadam maine use chhune ke liye, Rahao me kanten bikhair gayee wo jaate jaate. Lada tha maine duniya se jiski khatir, Hami par waar kargayiqo jaate jaate... 18. Na doulat na tajmahal chhord jayenge, Sirf apni yaadgaar gazal chhord jayengen, Aaaj jitne bhi chaho hamare hasee urauo, magar rootha hua kal tumhen chhord jayengen... 19. Woh na hai saat hamare, par aaj bhi hai unka nasha, Na bache sur, Na bache saaj, Par aaj bhi hai ek nagamah... 20. Aankhon mein hai tasveer merey yaar ki, Aansuoan zara sambhal sambhalk niklo, Khain merey yaar ki tasveer meri aankhon se mit na jaye...

20 Best Funny Shayari 1. Tum ho mere ye keh kar apne dil ko samjhaya maine, Socha ji lunga tumhari tasveer dekh kar, Par us tasveer me bhi tumhe apna nhi paaya humne... 2. Tum muje chood kar chale gaye, Is baat ka muje gam nahi hai, Gam hai to sirf is baat ka ki tum, Humse apna dil bhi chheen kar chale gaye... 3. Tumhi ko dil diya, Tumhi ko jaan denge, Kabhi mujse ye kha krte thy, Inji baatoon k sahare tumhara intezar kara.. Inhi yaado main apni zindgi bita denge... 4. Kaise likhu panno par apna dard Darta hu kahi ye bhi na bol pade Jo chupaya raaz sabse humne Kahin wahi raaz chehra na bol pade... 5. Gum ki aahat na aaye tere dar par, Pyar ke samandar ka tum hi kinara ho. Bhul kar tapke tere ankhon se moti, Thame wahi jo tumhe sabhi se pyara ho... 6. Aisa nahi ki humko koi bhi khushi nahin.. Lekin ye jindagi bhi koi jindagi mahin... Palko se khawab kyu gire.. Kyu choor ho gaye... Kyu jindagi ki rah main hum dur ho gaye... 7. Unhe kya pata ki humne to, Woh khoya jo humara tha hi nahi, Par unhone jo khoya wo, Unke siwa kisi aur ka tha hi nahi... 8. Mujh ko rula kar dil unka bhi roya hoga, Cherhra aauson se usne bhi bhigoya hoga, Kya hasil kiya humne pyar main, Magar Kuch to zarur usne bhi khoya hoga... 9. Kale gore ka bhed nahin, Har dil se hamaara naata hai, Kuchh aur na aata ho Hamko, Hamen pyaar nibhana aata hai. 10. Unhe hamesha main chahata hi rahunga, Unka naam lekar ye zindagi gujarta hi rahunga, Aap mujhe mile ya na mile ai mere humsafar, Mar kar bhi aapka intezar karta rahunga. 11. Na sar jhuka hai kabhi aur na jhukayenge kabhi, Jo aone dum pe jiyen Sach me zindagi hai wahi... 12. Na jaane phir bhi unhe paane ki aas hai ab bhi, Jitna uske yaado se dooor jana chahta hun jabh bhi, Use utna hi dil ke kareeb pataa houn ab bhi... 13. Maine jeena ka matlab mohabbat main paa liya, Jis ko bhi ghum tha uss ko apna liya, Aap rokar bhi ghum ko halka na kar sake, Maine hasi ki aadh me har ghum ko chupa liya... 14. Aap gairo ki baat karte hain, Humne apno ko aajmaya hai, Log kanto se bachkar chalte hain, Humne phoolo se zakhm kaye hai. 15. Na jane kyunapne saye se bhi dar raha hoon main, Apni hi galiyon se chhupkar guzar raha hoon main, Maangi thi kabhi duaaon mainikanokhi mautb maine, Isiliye shayad jeete-je mar raha hoon main... 16. Tere shaher ka mousam bada suhana lage, Ek shaan chura lu agar bura na lage, tere buss main hai to tu bhool ja mujhe, Tujhe bhulane me mujhe shayad zamana lage... 17. Hamare dil ke kitne kareeb ho ye kya jano, Har ehsas main hamare, Ye tum kya jano, Humne to tumhe sab kuch maan liya hai, Humari zindagi ban gaye, Ye tum kya jano. 18. Baarish jab bhi uski chahat ko bhigoti hogi, Vo bhi meri yaad main roti hogi, Vo kare lakh mana magar mera naam sunkar, Halki si chuban uske dil me hoti hogi... 19. Hasrat nahi, armaan nahi, Yaadoan ke siva aur mere paas kuch nahin, Jindagi ki safar main kaun kiska hota hai, Saya bhi saath nahin deta jab andhera hota hain... 20. Fareb the unki hansi me, Ham aashiqi samaj bethe, Ye waqt ka mazaal tha ya humari badnasibi, Unki do baato ko hum mohabbat samajh bethe... 1. Lady: Zara mere Bete ko dant dijiye Shaitani kar raha h Man: Oye! BHOSDI K shaitani mat kar Warna Teri MAA CHOD dunga . . Lady: Rehne do krne do shaitani 2. Grandson: Dadaji.. Aap ke Daant Toh Hain Par Daadiji Ke Ek Bhi Nahin Aisa Kiyu.? Dada: Beta.. Maine Doodh Bahut Piya Aur Teri Daadi Ne Ganna Bahut Choosa 3. Sharab pee k Full tile santa Raat ko achanak neend mein rone laga. Mera...Kho Gaya Mera...Kho Gaya Wife : Chup chap so Jao Aur meri Panty se hath htao 4. Sex Karne Ke Baad Husband Bola : Darling, BALANCE Khatam Ho Gaya . . . Itne Me Padosi Ka Baccha Apni chaddi utar Ke bola Aunty VODAFONE ka chota recharge chalega 5. 1Girl: agar mai Car k niche ajaun, 1 months no college 2Girl: agar mai truck k niche ajaun, 2 months no college Boy: agar tum mere niche ajao, 9 months no college 6. Baba Ramdev : Aaj Aurat itna kam kapde Pehnti hai, Unki Bra,Taange,Peeth, Pura Badan Nanga Dikhta Hai,.. Santa Ki Aawaz Ai : Baba Yoga Karvao, subah subah Khada Mat Karavo 7. BABA RAMDEV: Beta apne se badi nari ko ma,barabar wali ko bahan or choti ko beti mana karo. BHAKT: To baba ye LUND aap hi rakh lo jadi buti kootne ke kam ayega. 8. Santa Apne Dost Ko Bada Khush Hokar Bata Raha Thha Santa: Dubai Mein Sab Kuch Free Hai Jaise Shopping, Hotel, Taxi, Khana Peena Aur Yaha Tak Ki Sex Bhi Friend: Achha, Tum Dubai Kab Gaye Santa: Oye Main Nahi Gaya, Yeh To Meri Biwi Ne Bataya Hai 9. Ladka Aur Ladki Sex Karne Ke Liye Hotel Mein Kamara Book Karwane Pahunche Ladka: Bhai Saab, Room Chahiye Manager: Kis Liye? Ladka: Madam Ko Polio Ki Khurak Deni Hai Manager: Magar Ye To 18 Saal Ki Hai Ladka: Inhone Bachpan Mein Dawa Pine Ke Baad Ulti Kardi Thi, Isliye Dawa Niche Se Dalni Padegi 10. Shab-E-Tanhai Mein Dekha Jalwa Lund Ka Nashili Choot Thi Aur Mooh Laal Tha Lund Ka Hazaaron Randiya Chud Gayi Udhaar Mein Gaalib Karz Mein Dooba Hain Baal Baal Lund Ka 11. Hamara Dost Anuj Roz Apna Lun Khada Karne Ki Ek Goli Khata Tha, Ek Din Mausam Ne Us Se Pucha: Abe Na Teri Biwi Hai Na Girlfreind, To Phir Goli Kyo Khata Hai? Anuj: Bas Yun Hi Yaar, Underwear Mein Ronak Bani Rehti Hai 12. Ek sardar ulta nanga soya tha. Dusara admi aake sardar par tabla bajane lega Jab bajana bandh kiya to sardar palta aur bola Le ab BANSURI baja. 13. Agar asmaan tak ap ke hath jaate Arj kiya hai.. Agar asmaan tak aap ke haath jaate. To Chand Sitare to kya Pariyon ki Gand mein bhi Ap ungli kar Aate 14. Boy & girl in bus Boy: Miss apke apple muj se touch ho rahe hai Girl apple mere hai, apko kia taqlif ha Boy: Apple to apke hai lekin juice mera nikal raha hai 15. Police wala or fauji ek saath train me safar kr rahe thy. Police: Ap chutti pe ja rahe he? Fauji: Han wife ki delivry he. Police: Kitne din baad ghr ja rahe ho? Fauji: 2 saal baad. Police: Phr to hone wala bacha harami hoga Fauji: Mjhe konsa ghr rkhna hai police me bharti kr doon ga 16. Male or Female Check Meter Aap male h ya female jan ne k liye niche dekhe . . . . Na baba sms k niche nhi apne niche dekhe 17. Patni : Pati ke pet par Haath Daalthe Aapke Pet too INDIA ke Map Jaise Hai Pati : Thoda nichetho haath Dalo na, tumhe SRILANKA bi Mil jayega 18. Ek ladki pure kapde utarkar swimming pool me giri Ek ladka Wo dekhkar Khud bhi nanga hokar pool me kuda Aur ja kar ladki ke bol daba diye Ladki: are kya kar rahe ho? Ladka: bulb chalu kar raha hu Ladki: pahele plug to laga 19. Boy-what Is Land? Girl-Choodne Ka Hatiyar Boy-Choot? Girl-Land Ko Dalne Ki Jagah Boy-Bolls? Girl-Tu Choodne Aaya He Ya 5vi Paas Khelne. 20. Bacha: aunty is bar to apka larka hi hoga Aunty: tumhe kese pata chala Bacha: ap ki phatti hui shalwar se muje us ki moonchein nazar aa rahi hain 1. Sambha - sardar thakur ka kya karna hai? Gabbar - kuch nahi uska haat kaat do aur roz 3 blue film dikhao Woh khud tadap tadap k mar jaye ga. 2. A man busy having sex Son - Dad kya kaar rahe ho? Dad - Mom k tank mein patrol bhar raha hoon Son - Fuel meter check karke dalo dopaher me hi uncle tank full kar k gaya. 3. 3 Larkiya Class Me Batain Kar Rahi Thi.. Sanam: Me Ne Sir Ki Table Par CondOm Dekha.. Benish: Me Ne Os Me Soraakh Kar Diya Tha.. SIDRA: Marva Diya Kuttii 4. Husband ne magazine pardhte hue Pass leti biwi ki choot main ungli Kardi Biwi: Oh jano sex ka mood hai? Husband: Nahi page palantne k liye ungli geeli ki hai. 5. Ek aadmi larki chodne gya Usne larki ko nanga kia aur Ulta jhuka kar bola tumhari chut par ek bhi baal nahi hai Q? Larki: Bhosri ke chodne aya hai ya “KANGI” karne 6. A punjabi bra ad: Har kudi di pehli pasand "soniya bra" hun 6 size wich 1. Small 2. Medium 3. Large 4. Oye hoye 5. Hey o rabba 6. Oh tei maa di 7. Q. Bhagwan kab khus ho jate hain A. Jab koi ladki rape ho rahi ho or o chikhti hain, plz bhagwan ke liye chhod do 8. Ek Sardar ne white Dhoti or Red kameez pehni hoi thi. College girl: Wo dekho Red and White Sardar. Sardar ne dhoti: Oper ki Or kaha Kiying Size filter k Sath 9. Ek call girl ladke k uper baith kr sex kar rhi thi Boy: Tum 1din me kitne kma leti ho Girl: 5000 Boy: Sach batao Girl: Roji pe baithi hu jhuth nai bolungi. 10. Malik: Tum bathroom me kyu ghus aaye Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mai naha raha hoon? Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi mai samjha tha begum sahiba hai. 11. Bhakt Dhongi Baba Se: Baba Agar Main Chanda Doon To Guarante Hai Ke Mera Bacha Hoga. BABA:Chanda Ki Jagah Agar Ek Chance Do To 100% Guarante Hai. 12. 1986 ki girl: Mom jeans pehen lu. Mom: Na betii log kya kahenge. 2006 ki girl: Mom mini skirt pehen lu. Mom: Pehen beti kuch to pehen le. 13. Ek sexy Mam Bacho Ko Bol Rahi Thi?..Mam: Sache Dil Se Mangi Chiz zarur Milti Hai Pappu: Mam Agr Aisa Hota To Ab Tak Aap Class Ke 30 Bacho Ke Sath Na Jane Kitni Bar Suhagrat Mana Chuki Hoti 14. A boy and girl of 5th class asked Teacher Kya chote bachchon k bhi bachche hote hain? Teacher: Nahin kabhi Nahin Boy said to girl: Dekha aur tu aise hi dar rahi thi. 15. Kuware sochte hai k shadishuda ache hai Shadishuda sochte hai k kuware ache hai Fark sirf itna hai ki Shadishuda din m sochte hai or kuware raat ko 16. Guptaji : Koi aisi scheme lao ki 500 Rs ki shoping pe sex free Dukandar: Lo aap ko pta hi nhi Ye scheme to last month thi or Bhabhi ji ne 8 baar labh uthaya 17. Ek ladki ki T SHIRT ki Boobs pe FACEBOOK likha ho to Uski panty ME CHUUT pe kya likha hoga? Think . . Its simple yaar LOG IN 18. Lady Teacher: Bolo Baccho.. I For Inkpot J For Jug K For Kite L For Lund Oh Sorry.. Gulti Se Mooh Se Nikal Gaya.. Student: Mam Sorry Ki Kiya Baat Hain.. Waapis Mooh Mein Le Lo 19. Bachay kitnay sachay hotay hain…… Maa : Beta Kya Kar Rahay Ho? . . Beta : Parh Raha Hoon . . Maa : Excellent Kya Parh Rahay Ho? . . Beta : Girl Friend K Messages 20. Maths Ki Teacher- 1 Me 2 Daalo To Kya Hoga? . . . Ladki- Medam Ye To AAP Ki Capecity Hai Humari To Ek Me Jaan Nikal Jati Hai. 1. Pati-patni Train mein upar ki Seat pe. Pati: jab mein bolun Coca- Cola, tab tu kapde utar dena. Jab mein bolun Pepsi, tu apni tangein khol dena aur jab tu bolegi Thumsup to mein andar daal dunga. Niche baitha aadmi bola agar limca mere upar giri to tumhari MAA CHOD DUNGA. 2. Ek larki ko english Bolne ka bht shoke tha Shadi ki 1st night use Pata laga k uska husband ka Sirf ek paon hai Wapes maike aa kr apni Maa se boli mom mere husband Ka sirf 1 foot hai Maa hyran hokar to beta Tuje aur kitna bara chaiye 3. Oscar nomination 4 blue films r goes to : 1 : Uatr k panti so gayi aunti 2 : Hasina k dudu me pasina 3 : Pati fouz mein to biwi mouz me 4 : Ghar me shali to puri raat diwali 4. Wife to husband : 1 Sand saal me 300 bar sex krta hai Tum iska adha bhi nahi krte. Pati : Ye kaha likha ha ke wo 300 bar ek hi cow ke sath krta hai 5. LadyTeacher: write a sentence ending with hand. Banta: My penis in ur hand. Teacher slapped Banta. Santa: Sorry mam, I for got 2 put space betwn PEN IS. 6. Ek kunwari ladki ki petme baccha aa gaya.. Uski baap : ye kiska hain? Ladki : papa miss call to sab hi marta tha.. pata nahi kiska receive ho gaya 7. Pinto ko peshab karte dekhkar Ladki doosre raste se jane lagi, Pinto bola: Dar mat re pagli, Jisase tu dar rahi ho usko maine apne Hath se pakad rakha hai 8. Roye is kadar unke sine se lipat kar Roye is kadar unke sine se lipat kar . Ki wo khud apni Bra utarkar boli . Daba le Bhosdike Natak Mat kar 9. Sardar: Will U Marry me? Girl: Sorry I'm a Lesbian. Sardar: Whats Lesbian? Girl: I have Sex only with Girls. Sardar: Maar Taali I'm also Lesbian 10. Boy Ladki k Saamne Pant utarkar bola kya tumhare paas aisa hai? .. .. Girl panti utarkar boli Jinke paas aisi hoti hai unke paas inki koi kami nahi hoti. 11. Bakri Ki Jan Talwar Ke Niche Ladki Ki Jan Salwar Ke Niche Jo Chali Jaye Mat Bhago Uske Piche Pyar Karo Uski Se Jo Saalwar Khole Khusi Se 12. Ek ladki police station gayi aur officer se boli Ek admi ne uske sath rape kar diya hai Officer : Jab woh tumhare sath rape kar raha tha to tumne usey roka kyon nahi ? Ladki : Kaise rokti inspector sahab Maine apne hatho mein mehandi lagayihui thi ! Officer kuch der sochne ke baad Agli baar mehandi kab lagaogi 13. Conductor: Baccha ko ticket? Rajsthani lady :- I ko bhi lagego ke ? yo tho abaar bobo chuse hai. Conductor: Bobo tho iko baap bhi chuse hai. To uke bhi free me bitha lu 14. Suhagrat ko pati ne patni se pucha kya mehsus kar rahi ho ? Patni: Aaj tak top_up me kam chalate the aaj se life time karwa liya. 15. Fair & lovely ke ad me face dikhaya Ponds ke ad me hath dikhaya Pentene ke ad me baal dikhaye Phir whisper ke ad mein cheating kyun? 16. Santa fucking the HEN Hen: Puk! Puk! Pakaak" Santa: Chup behen ki lowdi.. Drama karti hai Ande se zyada mota thodi hai mera lund.Chal ab bol Fuck Fuck 17. Gabbar Raping Basanti At Night In A Dark Room.. Gabbar: Ek Baat Sach Bata Basanti, Veeru Se Jyada Maza Aaya Ke Nahi..? Basanti: Ek Baat Tu b Bata Gabbar , Tujhe Bhi Maza Aaya Kya...? Gabbar: Zindgi Me Pehli Baar Itna Maza Aaya... Basanti: Toh Kutte Light Jala Ke Dekh, Main Basanti Nahi MAUSI Hoon 18. Amitabh bachan in KBC Question for 10 lac to Sardar jee What is the colour of your wife is underwear? Option A : White Option B : Grey Option C : Black Option D : Blue Sardar jee : Can i phone a friend? 19. Baccha: Maa ye kya hai? Maa : Ballon baccha Baccha : aapke itne chote aur kamwali k itne bade kyun? Maa : Tune kab dekha? Baccha : Jab papa hawa bhar rahe the. 20. Suhag Raat Par Dulha: Janu Uthaon?? Dulhan Ghabra K Boli: Kya?? Dulha: Ghongat Or Kya?? Dulhan Sharma K Boli: Main Samji TANGAIN 1. If You Wanna Win A Girl Surprise Her, Give Her Long Hugs Make Her Feel Safe Give Her Forehead Kisses & Good morning Messages. 2. 14th Feb (Valentines day) Dress code 1. Blue- I’m free 2. Green- I’m waiting 3. Orange- going to propose 4. Pink- accepted just now 5. Black- proposal rejected 6. White- already booked 7. Yellow- broke up 8. Gray- not interested… 9. Red- leave me whats urs? 3. Kabhi hasata hai pyar Kabhi rulata hai pyar Har pal ki yaad dilata hai yeh pyar Chaho ya na chaho Par aapke hone ka ehsaas dilata hai yeh pyaar 4. Kabhi Ajnabee Se Milay The Fir Yhonhi Miltay Chale Gaye Hum to Aapko Dost Bananewale The Magar Aap To Hamare Dil Ki Dhadkan Banthe Chale Gaye Happy Valentine’s Day 5. Be my valentine in the east or west you know I love you best so give up the all rest and be my valentine no matter what the season it’s you I should be pleasing I love you is the reason be my valentine. 6. You are more than love to me You are everything. Happy Valentine Day 7. Breaking News My Heart For Sale 100% Discount 4 Ur Girlfriends Last Date:14feb Hurry Happy Valentine's Day 8. On Valentine’s Day we think of those Who make our lives worthwhile Those gracious, friendly people who We think of with a smile I am fortunate to know you That’s why I want to say To a rare and special person Happy Valentine’s Day 9. In the morning sun gazes at me to make me happy.. Cool breeze hugs me to see my smile.. Birds sings to make me smile.. But my dear, They dont know that my smile is incomplete until I remember your face Happy Valentine’s Day 10. Jab samne hote ho tum Na jane kyo hosh kho baith the hai hum Milti hai nazar jab jab tumse Sab kuch bhul jate hai hum Hoti hai tu itne kareeb Phir bhi dil ki baat kehne se ruk jate hum 11. Do Not Seek The ” Because ” In Love There Is No ” Because ” No ” Reason ” No “Explanation ” No ” Solution “ Happy Valentines Day 12. Kitna bhi chaho na bhol paoge Kitna bhi chaho na bhol paoge Hum se jitna dur jao nazdik pao ge Humein mita sakte ho to mita do yadein meri magar kya sapno se juda kar pao ge humein 13. So these words are special and you know they're true when I say the words from me to you... I love you Happy Valentines Day 14. U R Unique U R Caring And U R The Best And I Am D Luckiest To Have U In My Life Happy Valentine's Day 15. Day by day teri khusiya ho jaye Double Teri zindagi se delete ho jaye sare Trouble Khuda rakkhe humesha tujhe Smart & Fit Tera liye Valentine Day ho Super-Duper Hit 16. Like a bright sunshine on a dreary day Like the assuring moonlight on a murky night Like a fresh blossom on a barren land you’re the joy of my life I’ll love you till eternity and beyond! Happy Valentine’s Day 17. Aakhon Me Noor Hai Chehre Pe Suroor Hai Koi Mange Mera Number To De Dena Kyu Ki (".)/' <) ) _/"/_ Valentine Krib Aur Meri Shadi Abi Door H. Happy Valentine Day 18. Hug Is Surely The Best Memory And The Shortest Distance Which The Friends Share. Happy Hug Day Dear 19. Socha aap say baaat karon Phir socha ek mulaqaat karon Phir socha kyun na intezaar karon Phir socha kyun na ek kaam karon Ek piyara sa sms aap ke naam karon 20. Kiss me softly and speak to me low Trust me darling The time is near When we may live with never a fear me dear Kiss me softly and speak to me low. Happy Valentine's Day .Kiss 1. Happy rose Day Today I will tell u there r about 1 million people lining Colorado Boulevard. 2. Gulaab ho tum sabab ho yeh na kehna ki kaante ho Q ki kaante hmesha drd dete hain Aur phool hamesha khushbu dete hain Happy Rose Day 3. Sweet as A Rose Bud Bright as A Star Cute as a Kitten That’s What U Are. Bundles of Joy Sunshine And Fun You Are Everything I Love All Rolled Into a Happy Rose Day 2013 4. A rose doesn’t means for proposing love It also means R- Rare O- Ones S- Supporting E- Entire life Happy Rose Day 5. Any 1 can love a Rose. But no 1 will love a leaf that. made the Rose. dont love some one who is beautiful but love the one who can make ur life beatiful. Happy Rose Day 6. The fragrance alwez stez In di hand dat givez the rose Have Happy Rose Day 2u 7. My rose is red Ur eyes r blue You love me and I love u Happy valentine’s day Happy Rose Day 8. Love can be expressed in many ways. One way I know is to send it across the distance to the person who is reading this. Happy Rose Day 9. Even if trees lose their grenery Or rose their smell But let ur smile stay all through out ur life No matter what happens Happy Rose Day 10. There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love. 11. Meri diwangi ka koi had nahi,, Teri surat ke siwa mujhe kuch yaad nahi,, Main GULAB hu tere gulshan ka,, Tere siwa mujh pe kisi ka haq nahi 12. Mohabbat lafzon ki mohtaaz nahi hoti! Jab tanhai me aapki yaad aati hai, Hontho pe ek hi fariyad aati hai… Khuda aapko har khushi de, Kyonki aaj bhi hamari har khushi aapke baad aati hai.. 13. A Single Rose for u for being in my life,Thank you so mush to complete my Life.Happy Rose Day 14. The one who is very precious to me I wish her very very very special rose day 15. Apke Hotho Par Sada Khilta Gulab Rahe Khuda Na Kare Aap Kabhi Udas Rahe Hum Apke Pas Chahe Rahe Na Rahe Aap Jinhe Chahe Woh Sada Apke Pas Rahe 16. Rose Day SMS for loved one All that is good All that is true Sweetness of life Skies that are Blue Are wished truly for you 17. This is a magical friendship rose You must pass this rose to at least five friends within an hour of receiving it. After you do, make a wish and your fondest romantic wish will come true 18. ye pyar nahi aassan bas itna samajh lo ki aaj sabhi galti maf her bhul maf kyonki aaj ka din hai khas 19. A rose doesn't means for proposing love. it also means R- Rare O- Ones S- Supporting E- Entire life 20. If we desire to blossom like a rose in the garden, then we must learn the art of adjusting with the thorns. Difficulties will make you shine. Happy Rose Day 1. Love is the name Kiss is the game Forget the name Lets play the game happy kiss day 2. Ingrid Bergman Says That A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature 2 stop speech when words b-come superfluous 3. Do u know that why does most men like to kiss on women lips? b’coz it is d best & most beautiful way to shut the woman’s mouth at least for some seconds. 4. Love you, as I always do Kiss me, as I care for you I have never seen heaven my dear But I can live in hell with you. 5. Chaaho to dil se hamme mitta dena Chaaho to hamko bhula dena Par ek vada karo a dost Ki jab yad aaye hamaari to Rona mat bus muskura dena Happy Kiss Day 6. If you are ever in doubt as to whether or not to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt. 7. Love you, as I always do, Kiss me, as I care for you, I have never seen heaven my dear, But I can live in hell with you. 8. LOVE IS BLIND BE VERY KIND WHEN I KISS U PLZ DON’T MIND 9. Lady: Doctor mere lips pe infection hogaya hai. Doctor: KISS kitni bar karti ho? Lady: Saal main 1 baar Doctor: Infection nahi ZANG lag gaya hai. 10. A hug for you means I need you. A kiss for you means I love you. A call for you means I'm missing you. 11. We are all mortal.. Until the 1st kiss & the second glass of wine Have A Happy Kiss Day 2u 12. Kiss is not like Nokia…Connecting People Kiss is not like Nike..Just Do It. Kiss is not like Pepsi..Yeh Dil Maange More But Kiss is like Pan Parag..Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga Kiss Day SMS and Messages 13. I’m with you reading this, Looking at your eyes and your lips, Touching your lips softly with my fingertips. Making love to you in every kiss. 14. Kiss is the key of love. Love is the key of marriage. Marriage is the box of children. Children are problem of pakistan. So stop the kissing and save the pakistan. 15. Promise 2 give me a kiss… on my brow… when I’m dead…. I shall feel it. Love … Enjoye Kiss Day. 16. Kiss me and you will see stars Love me and I will give them to you. 17. What kisses means KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets be friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i love u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE Lets not get carried away Happy Kiss Day 18. I pressed my lips to yours, my love To taste your kiss so sweet You held me for a minute, love And that moment so soon did fleet 19. If u do anything for too long it starts to lack edge to become too easy Easy is the kiss of death 20. If I could bring back memories I would bring the first day I kissed you I look you in the eyes and felt love. Thank god an angel came into my life! 1. Teri dosti ne diya sakun itna Ki tere baad koi bhi acha na lage Tujhe karni ho bewafai to is ada se karna Ki tere baad koi bhi bewafa na lage I Hate U 2. You're better off without him. Don't call him. He's breaking your heart. 3. If It Was to Gift Me Silence Why Did You Please Me With Hour Long Talks If It Was to Push Me Back to Lonlines Why Did You Force Me Out Of It. ! 4. Kisi khubsurat chehre pe aitbar mat krna Tod denge tera dil kabhi izhar mat karna Mar jana yaad mein kisi ki. Par kisi se kabhi pyar mat karna 5. Har ek muskurahat muskaan nahi hoti Nafrat ho ya mohabbat asaan nahi hoti Ansoo gham ke aur khushi ke ek jaise hote hai Inki pehchan asan nahi hoti 6. YOU know what hurts the most?? The Fact That: I Can't Say, I Lost YOU. 7. Kaise bhula dun main teri yad Ab to mumkin nahi bhulana teri yad Kabhi the hum divana tere naam ke Aaj teri chahat ne kiya hame barbad 8.Ho agar waqt to mulakat kar Lena DIL kuch kahe to bat kr Lena Yun to busy honge aap apno me par 1 Lamha mil jaye to hume b yaad kar Lena 9. I guess that I'm da loser Cause u hav found some1 new But I'm still here, still all alone Just crying over u 10. Look, I'm turning 16 soon, and I really just need my freedom 11. Sitaron se agey jahan aur bhi hein Abhi mohabbat k imthan aur bhi hein Tum hi nehi jalatey mere dil ko College mein ladkiyan aur bhi hein 12. A sad lines by Broken Heart- They say follow your Heart But When your Heart is in so many Pieces Which way are you to Follow? 13. Teri dosti ne diya sakun itna Ki tere baad koi bhi accha na lage Tujhe karni ho bewafai to is ada se karna Ki tere baad koi bhi bewafa na lage 14. Sometime giving someone second chance is giving them an extra bullet for the gun because they missed you the first time. 15. After breakup.....Boy Dil me 1 jazbat hai dabau kaise Ruswana ho jau chupau kaise Tanha chhod gyi ho mujhe jabse Maa kasam itna khush hu k batau kaise 16. Dard Sahne Ki Itni Adat Ho Gayi Hai, Yaaro K Jab Dard Nahi Milta To Bahot Dard Hota Hai. 17. Bhool jane ka tujhe koi irada na tha Tere siva kisi se kiya wada na tha Nikal dete Dil se shayed tumhen Khayal Par is kambakht dil mein koi Darwaza na tha 18. You are the one who broke my heart You are the reason my world fell a part You are the one who made me cry yet I'm still in love with you 'n I dont know Why? 19. Love Is Like A Stapler Pin Its Easy 2 Attach But Hard 2 Detach N D Worst Is When Finaly you R Able 2 Detach It Still Leaves D Paper Damaged. 20. Touching lines from a broken heart: In my dreams she is mine... But in my life she is a dream... 1. Missing a Good Person in Life is Equal to Cheating the Life by yourself So Never Miss Any Good Person At Any Cost till End of your Life 2. Good Time Bad Time Day Time Night Time Work Time Off Time Happy Time Sad Time Sleep Time In the Mean Time...I MISS YOU Really 3. Kab tak khud ko rok payegi Bina mere woh na reh payegi Main bas junga uski yado mein is tarah Ki phir woh dosro ko yaad karna bhool jayegi 4. Bekaar hai woh log jo apne lover ko miss karte hai Arey miss karna hai to machcharo ko miss karo Jo apne jaan per khel kar tumko KISS karte hai 5. Tujhse doori ka ehsaas satane laga Tere sath gujra har lamha yaad ane laga Jab bhi koshish ki tujhe bhulne ki ae mere hamdum Tu aur jyada dil ke kareeb ane laga 6. Nazar ko nazar ki khabar na lage Koi acha bhi iss kadar na lage Aapko dekha hai bas us nazar se Jis nazar se aapko nazar na lage 7. Do u know Do u know what i say what i think what i feel what i think what i wish You want to know? I MISS U SO MUCH 8. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T V W X Y Z have I missed something? yes I missed U 9. Harpal Tumhe Hum Yaad Karte Hain Har Janam Aappe Nisar Karte Hain Aap Bhi Hume Yaad Kar Liya Kijiye Kyonki Ye Dil Aappe Hi To Marta Hain Reaaly Miss U Jaan 10. Earth may stop rotating Birds may stop flying Candles may stop melting Fish may stop swimming Heart may stop beating But I'll never stop miss you 11. Sometimes, when 1 person is missing, da whole world seems depopulated. 12. I am simply tired of missing you. I just want you right here by my side. 13. You are in my mind You are in my thoughts You are in my breath You are in my feelings You are in my dreams You are in my prayer Because you are my life. 14. I hide my tears when I say your name But the pain in my heart remains the same Although my feelings, I try to tame But the reason for all is that I miss you, my dame! 15. Ajeeb lagti hai sham kabhi kabhi Zindagi lagti hai bejan kabhi kabhi Samajh mai aye to humein bhi batana k Kyun kerti hain yadein preshaan kabhi kabhi 16. It's A Horrible Thing To See Your Lost Love Walk Past You With Another Girl And It's The Worst Thing To Know That You Made A Mistake In Letting Him Go. 17. Last nite I tryd 2 rite u a letter bt I cud rite "noh ss!w" Read it upside down 18. They say that when you dream of someone that person misses you. I wonder if you have dream of me, because I surely miss you so much 19. In The Flower My Rose Is You In The Flower My Rose Is You In The Diamond My Kohinoor Is You In The Sky My Moon Is You I'm Only Body My Heart Is You That's Why I Always MISS YOU 20. Missing Someone Who Doesn’t Miss You Back In Return Is Probably One Of The Worst Feelings Anyone Can Feel..... Miss You So Much 1. Wish you a many many happy returns of the day. May God bless you with health, wealth and prosperity in your life HAPPY BIRTHDAY 2. Suraj roshni le kar aaya Aur chidyon ne gana gaya Pholon ne hans hans kar bola Mubarak ho tumhara janam din aaya Wish U Happy Birthday 3. Wish you a very happy birthday May life lead you 2 great happines Success and hope dat All your wishes comes true Hapry Birth Day 4. Weather Forecast for today There shall be showers of blessings on U Followed by a heavy downpour of God's love Happy birthday My Dear Best Friend 5. A = aap ko B = bhaut bhaut C = chori chori D = dil se E = ek bar F = face 2 face G = gale mila kar Aap ko kehna chahte hai. Happy Birth Day 6. A lovely 'birthday princess' with such enchanting ways deserves the royal treatment on her special day of days May your every Birthday wish come true Warm Birthday greetings Happy Birthday 7. You are my dream in my sleep You are my vision in my eye You are my smile on my lips You are beat of my heart You are an angel in my prayer You are light of my life Happy Birthday 8. Flying papers Multi colours of balloon Delicated blossom Fantastic people Love and laughter What it describes? 9. Us din khuda ne bhi jashn manaya hoga Jis din apko apne hatho se banaya hoga Usne bhi bahaye honge ansu Jis din apko yaha bhej kr khud ko akela paya hoga Janmdin Mubarak Ho 10. My you have All the joy your heart can hold All the smiles a day can bring All the blessings a life can unfold May you get the world's best in everything. Happy Happy Birthday To You 11. On this special day, may you have All the joy, your heart can hold All the smiles, a day can bring And all the blessings, a life can unfold May God bestow you with His bounties and blessings Happy Birthday 12. SUN LIKES THE SUNDAY MOON LIKES THE MONDAY BUT I LIKES ONE DAY THATS YOUR BIRTHDAY 13. Sweetheart! u r so beautiful My love for u will always b true Here’s a wish for my darling.. May all your dreams come true I wish u a very happy birthday. 14. My best wishes for a furious and voracious day filled with plenty of smile and laughter Happy Birthday to you 15. How do you expect me to remember your birthday, when you never look any older? Still accept my birthday wishes and may you ever stay young, at heart, body and mind 16. A song in your heart A smile on your face A spring in your step Joys to hold dear Loved ones to hold near And moments to cherish all through the year. 17. Happy birthday my true love Your beauty stems from up above Swetest smile and kindest heart Like a priceles piece of precious art. 18. Dekho kaise matakte ho Kitna uchal ke chalte ho Mana aap ka janamdin hai Itna kyu fudakte ho HAPPY BIRTHDAY 19. In soft gleaming night of stars May all your dreams come true. May every star of every night Bring love and joy to you. Happy Birthday to you FRND 20. Ho puri dil ki har khwahish aapki Aur mile khushiyon ka jahan aapko Jab agar aap mange aasma ka ek tara To bhagwan dede sara aasma aapko Birthday Enjoy Ur Day 1. Khwaish dil se jatai nahi jati Dosto ki yad yuhi bhulai nahi jati Chalo hum hi SMS kar dete hai Hamare nawab dosto se to taqlif uthaai nahi jati h 2. If you are in trouble, If you need a hand, Just call my number, because I’m your frnds! 3. Friendship Is A little more trust A little more sacrifice A little more sharing And a little more caring Love you, my dear friend 4. True friends are like mornings, u cant have them the whole day, but u can be sure, they will be there when u wakeup tomorrow, next year and forever. 5. Friendship is sweet when it's new, Sweter when its true, but swetest when its u. When God gave frnds he tried 2 b fair! When I got u, I got more than my share! 6. When god open the windows of heaven, He saw me and asked what is your wish today? I said god take care of the dear one, Who is reading this SMS. 7. Friendship isn't how you forget but how you forgive Not how you listen but how you understand Not what you see but how you feel And not how you let go but how you hold on. 8. If kisses were water I will give you the sea. If hugs were leaves I will give you a tree. If you love a planet I will give you a galaxy. If friendship is life I will give you mine. 9. Kuch salo k baad na jane kya sama hoga Na jane kaun dost kaha hoga Phir milna hua toh milenge yadon mein Jaise sukhe gulab milte hai kitabon mein.. 10. Har doori mitani padhti hai Har baat btani padhti hai Lagta hai dosto ke pass waqt hi nahi hai Aaj kal khud apni yad dilani padhti hai. 11. Value of Relation Is not that how much you feel happy with some one But it is that How much some one feels "ALONE" without U 12. Phone ke rishte bhi ajib hote hai Balance rakhkar bhi log garib hote hai Khud to msg karte nahi hai Muft ke msg padhne ke kitne shauqin hote hai 13. Muskan ka koi mol nahi hota Kuch rishto ka tol nhi hota Dost to mil jaate hai har raste par Lekin har koi apki tarah anmol nhi hota 14. A pair of good friends is like a pair of scissors. Sometimes close and sometimes far; but will destroy anyone who come betwen them! Remembering you, my dear friend! 15. Days are too busy Hours are too fast Seconds are too few But there is always time for me to remember a sweet friend like U 16. Kuchh Meethe pal Hamesa Yaad Aate Hai Palako Pe Aanshu Chod Jate Hai| Kal Koi Aur Mile To HUme Na Bholana Kyo ki Dosti Ke Riste Jingbhar Kam Aate Hai 17. If i’m in hell and you in heaven, I would always look up and be proud of you, but if I were in heaven and you in hell, I’d beg God to send me down cause heaven won’t be heaven without you. 18. AJNABI risto ka naam hai DOSTI Har gam ki dawa hai DOSTI DOST bichhad jaye to rota hai DIL Magar DOSTI tut jaye to roti hai ZINDGI 19. In ankho se sapne churaya na kero Humari dosti ko azmaya na kero, Tumhari ek hasi meri dil ki dhadkan hai Unhe yu na ansuo mein gavaya kero.. 20. Zindgi 1 Railway Station Hai Pyar 1 Train Hai Jo Aati Hai Aur Chali Jati He Par Dosti Enquiry Counter Hai Jo Hamesha Kehti Hai… MAY I HELP U? A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman. 'Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?' asks the policeman. 'Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along. . .you know. . .' 'And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr. Fog?' demands the policeman. Well,' says He businessman, thinking it best to play along, 'I suppose I'd ease off on Mr accelerator, and switch on Mr. headlights and Mr. wind screen wipers'. The policeman leans in the window and eyeballs the businessman. 'I asked you what you were planning on going if you met MIST OR FOG!' And threw the book at him. What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley Why do elephants have big ears? Node wouldn't pay the ransom Why do people say you never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes? Because then when you do you'll be a mile away and have their shoes How do you stop a bear from charging? You take away its credit card. What do you get if you cross a mammal with a reptile? A Nobel Prize A man took his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross--‐eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picked the dog up and examined his eyes, then checked his teeth. Finally, he said, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Why? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, he's heavy. A brain and a pair of jump leads walks into a bar. The brain orders two pints from the Airman but the barman refuses to serve him. When asked why, the barman replies " Well you're clearly out of our head, and your friend there looks as if he 'sob out to start something" “Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?” He didn't have the guts to do it! The police arrested two men, one for drinking battery acid and the other for eating fire crackers. They charged one and let the other one off. What has four wheels and flies? Garbage truck. Why did the man drown in a bowl of cake mix? He got pulled under by a particularly strong current! A man went to a horse breeder and said, I want that horse. The breeder said that horse aren’t looking so good, but the man still wanted to buy it, so he did. The next day he came back with the horse and said, you sold me a blind horse, the breeder replied I told you that horse aren’t looking so good Me: Ask me if I'm an orange! You: Are you an orange? Me: No! why do ducks have flat feet? To stamp out forest fires!! “Two hikers were walking through the woods when they noticed a bear charging towards them in the distance. The first hiker removed his trail boots and began to lace up his running shoes. The second hiker laughed and said, "Why bother changing out of your boots? You can't outrun a bear." The first hiker replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you." Two elephants fall off a cliff. Thud Thud. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes. What's the difference between a trampoline and a bagpipe? Eventually you get tired of jumping on a trampoline. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk What happens if you don't pay your exorcists. You get repossessed A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says: Why the long face? what's white blue and green? A fridge wearing jeans sitting in a field! What do chiropodists eat for breakfast? Cornflakes! A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything. What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! What happened to the car mechanic that fell asleep dreaming about cars? He woke up exhausted What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? A Wonky What is grey and goes bang, bang, bang, bang? A four door elephant. Why do birds sing and humming birds hum? Humming birds don't know the words What’s brown and sticky? A stick A duck walks into a drugstore, and asks the cashier if he has any beer. The man says "No, this is a Drugstore, we don't sell beer here" The Duck leaves, and returns home. The next day, he comes back to the store and asks the cashier again. The man then replies, "I told you yesterday! We don‘t sell beer here! If you ask me one more time, I am going to nail your feet to the floor!" The ducks leaves again. One final time the duck enters the store the next day, and this time says, "Do you have any nails?" The an replies, "No" The duck then says, "Do you have any beer? You're a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me? Absolutely! What's the second question?" what do you call am Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto Teacher Jonny why are you late for class" Jonny "well I was on my way to school and I was almost here but then I crossed a sign saying SLOW so I had to go really slow and that's what took me so lon Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight. . . Dad asked: how did u feel? . . It replied: Dad it was wonderful. Every 1 was clapping 4 me Moral: Take every thing positively How Come The Dove Gets To Be The Peace Symbol ? How About Pillow ? It Has More Feathers, Than The Dove And It Doesn’t Have That Dangerous Beak Birdy Birdy in the sky Dropped a popy in my eyes, I do not worry I do not cry I am just happy that cows don't fly! Exams are like girl friends difficult 2 understand too many questions more explanations are needed And results are most of the time failure. Kiss Is The Key Of Love, Love Is The Lock Of Marriage, Marriage Is The Box Of Children, And too many Children means more Problem for the world So Please Stop Kissing & Save the world for a while. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? 2 - 1 to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. How do telephones get married? They just give each other a ring. Three vampires are itting at a bar. Bartender asks the first one what he wants."I think I'll have a glass of blood." Okay, what'll you have?" he asks the second vampire. "That sounds good. I'll have a glass of lood too." "And what can I get for you?" he asks the third vampire. "I'll have a glass of lasma" said the third vampire. "Okay," said the bartender, "That's two bloods and a blood light, then. An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The engineer looks out the window and sees a black sheep. He comments, "Look, they have black sheep in Scotland". Then physicist looks and comments, "From this observation, we can only say there is at least one black sheep in Scotland."The mathematician then looks and comments, "Actually, from this we can only say there is at least one sheep in Scotland hat's black on one side. A polar bear walks into a bar and the barman says, "what would you like to drink?". The polar bear hangs his head and sighs deeply need then says "I'll have a pint of bitter barman". The barman looks at the bear and says "why the big paws? A proton, neutron, and electron walk into a bar. The proton orders a drink, and asks how much it costs. The bartender says, "five dollars." Next, the electron orders a drink and asks how much it costs. Again the bartender says, "five dollars." Finally the neutron orders a drink and asks how much it costs. The bartender says, "for you, there is no charge. What does an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do? Stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog. A little baby mouse is walking hand in hand together with her other. Suddenly a bat comes flying in the air. The little mouse point's at the bat saying: Look ammy, an angel How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to do it, and another to hold the fish. A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Amah." The other goes to a family in Spain and is named "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amah. Her husband responds, "But they are identical wins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amah. Knock k nock. Who's there? B uh -B uh who? Don't be sad Two pieces of tarmac go into a pub and boast to the barman about how hard they are, We're motorway us." Then another piece of tarmac enters and the first two hide under a able. "What's wrong?" says the barman, "I thought you were really hard? "We are," they say, "but he's a cycle path. A guy walks up to the receptionist in the Psychiatrist’s office and says "I'm the Invisible man and I'd like to talk to the Doctor" She pokes her head into the Psychiatrist’s office and says there is a man here who wants to talk to you and he claims he's the Invisible man. The psychiatrist replies Tell him can't see him right now. Two atoms are walking down the road. One says to the other, "OH NO! I just dropped an electron!" "Are you sure?" asks his friend. "Yes" he replies "I'm POSITIVE! Why does an elephant paint its nails red? A: so it won't be noticed between the strawberries. Does it work? Well...ever seen an elephant between the strawberries? A man on a business trip is staying in a high rise hotel with a bar on the top floor. After checking in and seeing his room, he decides to go upstairs. There's only one other patron in the bar. The businessman orders a drink and then watches in surprise as the other patron quickly eats an orange, chugs his beer, and jumps out the window. A minute later, the man returns. The businessman is shocked to see him again eat an orange, chug his beer and then jump out the window. When the man returns a third time, the businessman decides he can do this, too. He eats an orange, chugs his beer, then jumps out the window to his death. The bartender turns to the man and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk. What do you call a mushroom at a disco? A fun guy How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to do it, and another to hold the fish. A man is driving down the road when he gets pulled over by a copper. The copper draws a circle on the floor and asks the man to stand in it. While the man stands in the circle, the copper gets out a hammer and smashes the cars headlights. The copper turns around and sees the man laughing! So the copper goes and smashes each of the cars windows. The copper turns around again and ees the man laughing even harder! The frustrated copper then shouts to the man, "What the hell you finding so funny??" The man replies, "Every time you turned around, i've been jumping in and out of this circle! Two ducks were sitting in a pond, one of the ducks said "Quack" The other duck said "I was going to say that! Craig David ,Shaggy and Britney Spears wre stuck in an elevator when they smelled something like rotten eggs, Craig David said "I'm walkin ' away ",Shaggy said "it wasn't me" and Britney Spears said "Oops I did it again What's black and white and black and white and black and white? A Penguin rolling down a hill. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? Big holes all over Australia!! What's black and white and laughing? The Penguin that pushed him. Who won the boxing match between the beaver and the hedgehog? The hedgehog, on points.” What did the small rug say to the large rug? cover me I'm cold. A man was walking in the park when he came across a koala .He took it to the policeman and sid "i've found this koala what should I do with him" The policeman said ,"take him to the zoo" The next day the policeman was walking in the same park when he saw the same man with the same koala. He said , "didn't I tell you to take that koala to the zoo?" "Yes", The man answered, that's what I did and today I'm taking him to the movies. Old lady knocks down a cat as she drives along the main street a police man comes along as she drives off. He calls" hey you can't leave that lying there. She calls back that’s not a lion it's a cat. Did you hear about the Ice Cream Sales man that was found dead in his store covered in chocolate sauce and syrup? Police think he topped himself! How do telephones get married? They just give each other a ring. What is black and white and eats like a horse? A Zebra Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused to have his mouth frozen when he went to the dentist? He wanted to transcend dental medication. A man is sat at home watching T.V. when he hears a knock at the door. The man gets up and answers the door, to his astonishment there is a snail at the door. The snail says "can I sell you some double glazing." To which the man replies "no" and kicks him down the street. Two weeks later there is another knock at the door. The man answers it and it is the snail again. The snail then say "what did you do that for then." “There were two cows in ailed. One said "moo", the other one said "I was going to say that! A man had a dog called Minton. One day Minton ate two shuttle cocks. When the owner found out he said bad Minton! A long time ago, there were 3 little, bears.....now there's lots of them Patient: "Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a pair of curtains." Doctor: "Pull yourself together man. How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler. What lies on the bottom of the ocean and quivers? Am nervous wreck. A bunch of highland cow are standing in a field in Scotland. Which one's on holiday? The one with the wee calf! What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene A family of tortoises went into a café for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when father tortoise said , "I think its going to rain, Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"So off went Junior for father's Umbrella ,but three days later he still hadn't returned. " I think , dear," said mother tortoise to father tortoise, "that we had better eat Juniors ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said," If you do that I won't go. What do you call her if she's Japanese? Irene what did batman say to robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! How do you catch a rhino wearing a wool‐hat? You kick it's back. Then let the rhino chase you around a lake until the rhino is hot and takes off the hat. Now you can catch it like a normal rhino. A truck driver saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over."No problem, Father! IÌll give you a lift. Climb in the truck." The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. But even though he was sure he missed the lawyer he still heard a loud "THUMP". He glanced in his mirrors and when he did n Ì t see anything, he turned to the priest and said, "Ì m sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer." "That Ìs okay, "replied the priest. "I got him with the door! Why is a tree better than a guard dog? It has more bark! Extra strong mint and Mars bar are having a drink in the pub. Extra strong mint says to Mars Bar, `I'm the hardest mint in town me! No--‐one's harder than me!'. With that, the bar doors swing open and in walks a Halls mint. Mars bar turn around and extra strong mint is quivering under the table. Mars bar says, `Hang on a minute, I thought you were the hardest mint in town?!'. Extra strong mint says, `I might be hard, but he's menthols! There was a teddy bear who went to work on a building site. On his first day he went off for lunch and left his tools behind. When he came back he noticed that his pick was missing. When he told the foreman the foreman said "Didn't you know today's the day the teddy bears get their picks nicked! Three American Indian women in the wild west are about to give birth. One is lying on a buffalo skin; one is lying on a moose skin; and one is lying on a hippopotamus skin. The first woman gives birth to a boy. The second gives birth to a girl. And the third gives birth to a boy and a girl. And this proves. . . the squaw of the hide of the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides! why did the Swedish factory worker get sacked?? Because he always took stock home! Stockholm! A man goes to a diner. On the menu it says, "Breakfast Served Anytime so, when the waitress comes he orders French Toast during the Renaissance! What happens to Composers when they die. They decompose How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Stick it in the oven and wait till its Bill Withers. Patient: Dr, Dr. I can't get this song out of my head and it's driving me mad. I can't stop humming "It's Good to Touch the Green -2 Grass of Home" Doctor: "Hmm, sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome" Patient " Never heard of it" Doctor "Well it's not unusual . What's Brown, sits in a tree and can't sing? This O'cocker What do you call a princess who worries all the time? A warrior princess. Man walking down the street meets a friend who has a lobster tucked under his arm. "Are you taking hat lobster home to dinner?" he asks. "No," says friend, "he's had his dinner and now I'm taking him to the pictures. A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says to the mushroom. "Hey we don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says "why not I'm a fun guy What do you tell a mathematician on a Saturday night ? Don't drink and derive. There were three guys. They each were asked to name something green, pink and yellow. The first guy said "my shirt is green my tie is pink and my pants are yellow". The second guy said "the grass is green, the sun is yellow and my door is pink." The third guy said "the Phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'yellow. What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? "Close the door! Can't you see I'm dressing? A PROFESSOR WAS GIVING ONE OF HIS LECTURES. IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS LECTURE A STUDENT WROTE 'FOOL' ON A SLIP OF PAPER. HE THREW IT AT THE PROFESSOR. THE PROFESSOR STOPPED HIS LECTURE AND TAKING THE SLIP IN HIS HAND HE SAID 'WHICH OF THE GENTLEMAN HERE HAS SENT ME HIS VISITING CARD? A white horse goes into a pub and orders a drink. The publican says, "Here, we've got a drink named after you!" The horse says, "What, Eric? PATIENT..Doctor people keep ignoring me. DOCTOR...Next please. A mother‐in‐law sent two ties to her son‐in‐law. Some weeks later, she was invited for lunch, and so he wore one of them in the hope of pleasing her. The meal was a tense and uncomfortable one, with the Mother‐in-law maintaining a stony silence. Finally she spoke. "Alright, what's wrong with the other tie. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison? You can't wash your hands in a buffalo. What did the orange say to the banana on the street corner? Hi Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was able.. Two jelly babies walked into a bar with their friend the Hard Gum. When they went up to et drinks, some cough sweets went up to them and started hassling them. The jelly babies were a bit scared and went to the Hard Gum to ask for bit of help. He replied , "I'm not going anywhere near them, they’re menthol!. Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli? He was pulled under by a strong currant! News Flash from Chicago: Man found face down in bathtub full of milk and corn flakes with banana in rear! Police looking for cereal killer. Two men are hired to do a job in a building. After the owner explains everything, he leaves. When he returns a while later, he sees one man working diligently and the other man hanging on the ceiling, singing "I'm a chandelier, I'm a chandelier." The owner orders him to come down and get back to work. A while later the owner returns to find the one working diligently and the other back on the ceiling, singing "I'm a chandelier, I'm a chandelier" again. A man goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom'. The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies 'I'm sorry to tell you but this is just the tip of the iceberg Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "And what does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologic cally,I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologic ally, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you pil lock! Someone has stolen our tent! A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a drink. When it's served, he asks how much it will be. "For you," the bartender answers, "no charge. what do u call thieves on a washing line? Knicker One penguin says to another, You look like you're wearing a tux. The second penguin replies, "Who says I'm not? What? s brown and sticky? A Stick Why do elephants put cats up in their navels? So they can eat French fries while lying on their backs. A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says: "Why the long face? This chap lives alone and he was feeling a bit lonely, so he goes to the pet shop to get something to keep him company. The pet shop owner suggested an unusual pet, a talking millipede. "OK," thought the man, "I'll give it a go..." So he bought a millipede, took it home, nd for lack of advance preparations, made it a temporary home in a cardboard box. That evening testing his new pet, he leaned over the closed box and said, "I'm going to the pub for a drink, do you want to come too?" He waited a few moments but there was no reply. He tried again, "Hey, millipede, wanna come to the boozer with me???" Again, no response. Disgusted by his gullible nature, he decided to give it one more try before returning the millipede to the pet shop. So he got real close to the box and repeated rather loudly ,"I SAID I'M GOING TO THE PUB FOR A DRINK. DO YOU WANNA COME?" "i heard you the first time!!" snapped the millipede, "I'm just putting my bloody shoes on. A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything. Did you hear about the farmer who won the Nobel Prize for being outstanding in his field? What do you call a donkey with 3 legs? A Wonky Two drunks are sitting at a bar. The first one says, “What's this thing that they call a 'Breathalyzer'? The second guy says, "It's a bag that can tell how much you drank." The first guy says, "I married one of those things years ago. News Flash from Chicago: Man found face down in bathtub full of milk and corn flakes with banana in rear! Police looking for cereal killer. what is the sleepiest fish? A kipper Why are seagulls called seagulls? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels. What's brown and sticky? Ans: A stick. 2 cows are in a field. The first cow says "hmm I feel a little bit sick" the second cow replies "Shut up! Or you'll get us both killed! Shakespeare walks into a pub. The bloke behind the counter says, "I'm not serving you mate --‐ you're Bard. Where do horses go when they are injured or hurt? The Hospital What do you call a Swiss Financier on the Paris Underground? A metronome A group of astronaughts are on the moon. They've been mining the surface, andhave discovered that it really is made of cheese. One particular area of heese that they're quite interested in is a large vein of brie, and they've already been there twice, nd collected samples to be returned to mission control. All of a sudden, the radio crackles into life: "Mission control to cheese--‐base--‐one --‐ we need you to get a third load of that brie!" But the astronaughts are unhappy with the idea. They try to come up with all sorts of excuses why they shouldn't dig any more... "It'll spoil the environment if we take too much. We don't want to leave this place looking bad... "After all --‐ have you ever seen such a site in your life as brie mined thrice? Where does a King keep his armies? In his sleeves Why did the chicken cross the road?” To show the possum hat it COULD be done. Two owls are playing in the final of the Owl Pool Championship. It comes down to the last frame. One of The owls is just about to play his shot, when his wing accidentally touches a ball. "That's two hits," says the Other owl. "Two Hits to who?" says the first. A guy walks into his psychiatrists office and says Doc you got to help me, One night I dream I'm a tepee and the next night I dream that I am a wigwam." The doctor say's," relax, you're two tents. Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac ? He used to lie awake at night wondering if there was a Dog ! What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no I dear An atom walks into a bar and asks the Bartender if he's seen his missing electron. "Are you sure she's missing", asks the bartender. "I'm positive", replies the atom. Doc, I can't stop singing the green grass of home" "that sounds like Tom Jones syndrome" "Is it common?" "It's not unusual Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. From The Times: 'A young girl, who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth, was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast--‐guard spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too common these days. Patient : "Doctor I keep hearing "The green, green grass of home" in my head. Doctor : "That's called the Tom Jones Syndrome" Patient : "Is it common ?" Doctor : "It's not unusual” what has 2 legs and bleeds profusely? Half a cat A man wakes up in hospital. "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" "I know," replies the doctor, "We had to amputate your arms. Why is a tractor magic? Because it can go down a road and turn into a field What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. Close your eyes. Dark isn't it? A woman walked into a bar and ordered a double entendre, so the barman gave her one. A man gets knocked down by a truck. A guy says to him are you comfortable. He says I make a living! I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like his passengers Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? Because if had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan. Once a village bum went on an airplane for the first time. After some turbulence the village bum asked the man sitting next to him to open the window so he can throw up. The man told him the window cannot be opened so the village bum started beating up the man. Soon a flight attendant came and asked him the reason for his behavior. After listening to his complaint the flight attendant told him about the barf bag. After a while the flight attendant came and saw all the passengers barfing. Since the village bum was the only one not throwing up the flight attendant asked him what had happened. To this the village bum replied that as he was throwing up everyone stared at him so being embarrassed he drank it back. Where can you find a Mozambique. On a mo z am bird! A penguin walks it o a bar and asks the barman "have you seen my brother?" The barman replies "I dun no, What does he look like? Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!!! There were two cows in a field. One said "moo", the other one said "I was going to say that!" There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a run k in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn. There's a sausage and an egg in a frying pan. The sausage turns to the egg and says: "Gosh egg, it's really hot in here, isn't it?" The egg turns to the sausage and says: "Oh my god! A talking sausage! What did the landlord say as he threw Shakespeare out of his pub? "You're Bard!" Why did the tomato turn red? She /He saw the salad dressing! A guy phones the local hospital and yells "You've got to send help! My wife's in lab our!" The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?" He replies, "No! This is her husband! What do you call a deer with no eyes? No I dear. A three legged dog walks into a Saloon in the Wild West, the barman asks him what he wants. The dog replies "I'm looking of the man that shot my paw A guy walks in to his psychiatrists office and says" Doc you got to help me, One night I Ream I'm a tepee and the next night I dream that I am a wigwam." The doctor say's," relax, you're two tents. What did the policeman say to his belly? You're under a vest! A man walks into a chip and asks for fish and chips twice please. The man behind the counter says "I heard you the first time A man walks into a bar and hears someone say, "Hey, you look NICE today!!!" He turns around and asks the bartender, "Who said that?" The bartender answers, "The peanuts... they're COMPLEMENTARY! A man walks into a bar and notices two pieces of beef nailed to the ceiling. He asks the barman why they're there. "It’s a competition. If you can climb up there and get those bits of meat down you'll get free drinks all night. But if you try and fail then you'll have to buy around for everyone in the pub. Do you fancy having a go?" The man has a long, hard look at the ceiling before saying, "No, I 'll just have a pint thanks. The steaks are too high. What aces God laugh? People making plans..... I was in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day when the doctor started yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" I went up to the nurse and asked her what the hell was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots. Two sheep were standing on a hillside in Scotland, one looks up and says "baaa.." The other says, "Bloody hell, I was gonna say that! When's the best time to have a tooth pulled? Tooth--‐Hurty Dave: Me and the missus went to the Caribbean this year for our summer holidays. John: Jamaica? Dave: No, she went of her own accord! How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb's gonna want to change. A horse walks into a bar, the bartender turns & asks the horse what’s with the long face. what do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? FROSTBITE!!! What’s ET short for? Because he's got little legs! Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleeves An Englishman, an Australian and an American walk into a bar. The barman asks them is this a joke? How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler A bear walks into a bar and says "Can I have a pint of lager and… a packet of crisps please? the barman says Why the big pause A square and a circle walk into a bar. The square says to the circle, Your round! A man put on a clean pair of socks every day of the week. By Friday he could hardly get his shoes on. A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right. Did you read about the midget clairvoyant who escaped from jail? The headline said "small medium at large. How many ears did Davy Crockett have? Three. A left ear, A right ear, A wild front ear. A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh playing the fruit machine. He calls over, "Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink?" and Van Gogh replies, "No thanks. I've got one 'ere. Sally, can you spell ?water? for me?? The teacher asked. H I J K L M N 0 answered Sally promptly Her teacher look puzzled. ?That doesn’t spell ?water.?? ?Sure it does,? Said Sally. ?Its all the letters from H to O.? Kid "Mummy! Mummy! There is a man with a bill at the door" Mother "Don’t be silly dear, it must be a duck with a hat on! A man walks into a pub, goes up to the bar "Pint of best" he says to the bar man. Whilst waiting for his drink he notices that Vincent Van Gogh is sitting at one of the tables He goes up to him and says "Are you Vincent Van Gogh?" "Yes" the old man replies. "do you want a pint Vincent?" "No, ta. I've got one `ere. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up. "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars." Homes: "and from that you deduce?"Watson:"Well, if there are millions of stars, and in even a few of those have planets, its quite likely there are some planets like earth like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent. A shipwreck survivor washes up on the beach of an island and is immediately surrounded by a group of native warriors. "I'm done for", the man cries in despair. "No you are not," comes a booming voice from the heavens. "Listen carefully, and do exactly as I say. Grab the pear from the one who is beside you and shove it through the heart of the chief. The man does so, and the remainder of the band stare in disbelief. "Now, what?" the man asks the heavens. "Now, you are done for. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to do it, and another to hold the fish. Why did the ram jump over the cliff? He didn't see the ewe turn. What’s black and shiny and sails the seven seas? Bin bag the sailor! “A woman has twin boys and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Amahl." The other goes to a family in Spain and is named "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amahl. Her husband responds, "But they are identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl. Two not so bright people walking along one day. One says 'Horse tracks!', the other disagrees, 'Rabbit tracks I think' just before the train hit them! What has more courage, a stump or a rock? A rock, because it's a little boulder. As a funeral train passes by a golf course, a golfer on one of the greens stops, stands at attention with hat held over his heart as the hearse goes by. Then he goes back to lining up his putt. His playing partner remarks how that was the nicest gesture he'd ever seen, to show such respect for the dead. The first golfer sinks his putt and says, "Well, she was a good wife for sixteen years. Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender for a drink. When it's served, he asks how much it will be. "For you," the bartender answers, "no charge. What has more courage, a stump or a rock? A rock, because it's a little boulder What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade nd$12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil. Why did the egg cross the road? To research its genealogy. What do you call a mushroom who buys you drinks all night? A real Fungi to be with. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving the other day. They left a little note on my windscreen saying parking fine. So that was nice Two nuns were travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshield! Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or dad, my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho‐Cha‐Chu. But I think its Colin A man on a business trip is staying in a high--‐rise hotel with a bar on the top floor. After checking in and seeing his room, he decides to go upstairs. There's only one other patron in the bar. The businessman orders a drink and then watches in surprise as the other patron quickly eats an orange, chugs his beer, and jumps out the window. A minute later, the man returns. The businessman is shocked to see him again eat an orange, chug his beer and then jump out the window. When the man returns a third time, the businessman decides he can do this, too. He eats an orange, chugs his beer, then jumps out the window to his death. The Bartender turns to the man and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk. A length of Rope went into a bar, sat on a stool, and ordered a beer. The Bartender said, "We don't serve Ropes here." Dismayed and disappointed, the Rope went out and then got an idea. He stopped a man and asked, "Will you please tie a knot in me and separate my strands at both ends?". The man obliged, and with this done, the Rope went back into the bar and again ordered a beer. The Bartender looked him over and said, "Say, aren't you the same rope who was in here before?!" "No," was the reply, "I'm a frayed knot. One morning, a girl says to her mum, "Does God use our bathroom?" Her mum replies, "No dear, why do you ask?" The little girl says, "Well, every morning daddy says 'Oh God, are you still in there! What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck. Two cannibals are sitting around eating a clown. One clown says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you? A scientist who thought he knew everything was going on a business trip. On the airplane, he sat nekton lady. He asked her, "Do you want to play a game where I ask you a question and if you can’t answer, you give me$5 and then you ask me a question and I give u 5 if I can't answer?" "No" "How about if when I can't answer, I give you $1000, but if you can't answer, you only have to give me $5?" "No" "How about if I can’t answer, I give you $2000?" "OK" "What is the top speed of an Indian fruit bat?"The lady gave him $5 and asked him, "What has 15 legs going up a hill, 137 legs at the top, and 57legs coming down?" The man searched in every resource he had and eventually gave up and gave the lady $2000, then asked, "What is the answer?" The lady gave him $5.” As a teacher I was trying to get my students to understand what a "pun" was. I gave them 10 examples but was not successful. They could not understand any of them. You might say that no pun in ten did! A guy goes into a restaurant on Christmas morning for breakfast. The waitress serves him his eggs Benedict on a large and very shiny, metal plate. The guy says, what's with this plate? The waitress says: "It's Christmas, and there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise. A duck walks in to a post office and asks the postman: "Do you have any corn?" The postman answers politely: "No, we don't have any corn here." The next day the duck enters the store again and asks: "Do you have any corn?" A bit annoyed the postman answers: "No! We don't have any corn." This goes on for a couple of days. Finally one day when the duck asks:" Do you have any corn?", the postman gets so upset he yells: "NO! For the last time, we don't have any corn, and if you ask again, I'll nail your beak to the counter!!" The next day the duck returns to the store and asks: "Do you have any nails?" The postman answers:" No."Then the duck asks:" Do you have any corn? Two Menno the 9th tee tire of waiting for two women to get off the fairway. One man approaches them but before he reaches the women he does an abrupt U turn, and explains to his partner that one of the women is his wife and the other is his girl friend. The second man agrees to go but also does a U turn before reaching the ladies and explains to his Partner on returning "Small world, isn't it! There are two teddy bears in the airing cupboard. Which one is in the army? The one on the tank. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Two. On to hold the giraffe and one to put the clocks in the bath tub. “How do you confuse an idiot?” Purple! why did the football coach go to the bank ? To get his quarterback! Three guys walk into an office building...you think one of them would of noticed it was there... “Where does a King keep his armies?” In his sleeves “What is the last thing a fish says when it hits a wall?” Dam! Descartes walks in to a bar. The bartender ask if he'd like a beer. Descartes replies, "I think not." Then he disappears . A woman walked into a bar and ordered a double entendre, so the barman gave her one. A fish walks into a bar and the bartender says what will it be. The fish replies water! Where do horses go when they are injured or hurt? The Hospital Did you here about the magic tractor? It was driving down a lane then it turned into a field! Two cannibals are sitting around eating a clown. One clown says to the other, "Does this Taste funny to you? Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was holding on to the first koala. What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous wreck. “Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?” Because he thought it was a game. Why did the little boy fall off his bike? Because he was hit by three koalas. What's ET short for? Because he's got little legs. AN aardvark walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face. A neutron walks into a bar, and says "Give me a beer." The bartender says Hey! Neutron! For you--‐ no charge! A worried man goes to see his priest. Father, I am worried. I think that my wife is trying to poison me. Said the priest: Hold on my son, let me talk to your wife and come back to see me tomorrow, then I shall be able to give you some advice. The following day the man aging to his priest who tells him: Well my son, I have talked to your wife for nearly two hours. My advise to you is :Take the poison A piece of straight, clean string goes into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The barman serves the drink, the string downs it and walks out. Ten minutes later a dirty, twisted, ragged piece of string walks into the bar. "Here --‐ are you that piece of string that was here ten minutes ago?" asks the barman --‐ No replies the string "I'm a frayed knot. what did the grape say when the elephant trod on it? Nothing, it just gave a little wine. Did you hear about the Hamster found dead in his cage?.... Apparently he fell asleep at the wheel! Why is Tolerance triangular? A. So it will fit in the box. What do otters say when they get stuck in seawid?? Kelp! Kelp! One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom ass horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to gout to get the broom. His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there, hand me the brom. A Victor was out playing golf with is good friend John. After a few holes John was getting frustrated as he was not that good a golfer. Finally when he missed an easy putt he blurted out, "Damn, I missed the bugger. The Victor said, "Now John, you must be careful as God may punish you if you say that gain." On the next hole the Victor staid close to John offering quiet support. As John missed an even easier putt he shouted "Damn, I missed the bugger!" Suddenly a there was a large lap of thunder and a lightning bolt pierced the air and killed the Victor. And a voice from the sky said, "Damn, I missed the bugger! Mum: Come on, John, eat your breakfast; you`ll be late for school. John: I don`t want to go to school .The teachers don`t like me, the children don`t like me even the caretaker doesn’t like me! Mum; All the same, you must go. John: Why should I go? Mum: Well, for one thing you`re forty five years old, and for another you’re the headmaster. A teacher was taking her class for a walk in the woods. "Now Mary, “she said. "What do you call the outside of a tree?! "I don`t miss, “said Mary. "Bark, you silly girl, “said the teacher."Bark!"Oh all right then, “said Mary. "Woof-Woof! Did you hear about the cowboy who got caught shoplifting?” He got two rehears! 1. Fijao mein mehakti sham ho tum Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum Tumhe dil mein chupaye rakhte hain Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum 2. Rasto mai patharon ki kami nahi hai Dil mai tute huwe spno ki kami nahi hai Hum chahte hai unko apna banana Par unke paas apno ki kami nahi hai 3. Jab jab mein leta hun sans tu yaad aati hai Meri har ek sans me teri khooshbu bas jaati hai Kaise kahon tere bina mein zinda hun Kyun ki har sans se pehle teri khusbu ati hai 4. Apni Kismt Ke Aage Bebas He Insan Bebas Hai Khwab Hqiqat Ke Aage Koyi Ruki Huye Dhdkan Se Puche Kitna Tadpta Hai DiL Mohbbat K Aage 5. I hope dat u finally undrstand Date I will luv u until the end Bcoz ur not just my girl U are also my best frnd 6. Unki chahat mai dil majbor ho gaya Bewafai krna unka dastur ho gaya Kashar unka nhi mera tha Hmne chaha he itna ki unko gurur ho gya 7. Pal pal uska sath nibhate hum Ek ishare par duniya chor jate hum Samunder ke bech mein pahunch kar fareb kiya usne Wo kehta to kinare par hi doob jate hum 8. Sad Line By a True Lovr Jise Had Se Jyada Pyar Kro Woh Pyar Ki Kadar Nahi Krta Pyar Ki Kadr Unse Jano Jnhe Koi Pyar Nahi Karta 9. Kuch rishte anjane me hi ho Jate hain Pehle dil fir zindagi se jur jate hain Kehte hain us dour ko pyar Jisme log zindagi se bhi pyare ho jate hain 10. Mohabat ka kya hai kabhi bhi ho jati hai Har kisi ki ankhon mein bas nami si chod jati hai Humne ki mohabbat to haal hua aisa Taron ke bech ek sham gujarta ho jaise 11. Life ends when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing and luv ends when you stop caring. So dream hope and luv...Makes Life Beautiful. 12. I love all the stars in the sky, but they are nothing compared to the ones in your eyes. 13. If 10 people care for u, one of them is me, if 1 person cares for u that would be me again, if no 1 cares for u that means i m not in this world. 14. you can show love two everyone but u can show anger to only who is close two U so anger is always higher love 15. Luv knows no reason love knows no lies Luv defies all reasons luv has no eyes But love is not blind luv ses but doesn’t mind 16. L : Love I : Incidents F : Friends E : Emotions If F Miss In Life Then Life Becomes (lie) So Don't Miss your Friends 17. Kiss Me My Lips Are On Fire. And You My Friend Are The Object Of My Secret Desire. 18. You know what when i talking to you i wish i could stop the time i want to spend all the time with you. 19. I love so much my heart is sure.As time goes on I love you more,Your happy smile.Your loving face No1 will ever take your place. 20. Life is very short so break silly rules Forgive quickly Believe slowly Love truly Laugh loudly and Never avoid anything that makes you smile

Funny English Jokes

“A man died and his wife phoned the newspaper to place an obituary. She called the obituary department and said, "This is what I want To print: Bernie is dead." The man at the newspaper said, "But for $25 you are allowed to print six words." The woman answered, "OK. Then print: Bernie is dead. Toyota for sale." “A blonde girl's husband buys her a mobile phone. She takes it out and he decides to test it out. He phones her and she answers it. "It's very good," she says, "but how did you know I was at the hairdresers?" “A neutron walks into a bar, and says "Give me a beer." The bartender says "Hey! Neutron! For you no charge" “What do you call a teacher with no arms, no legs, and no body?” The Head... “A man walks into a bar and orders a pint. Then he hears little voices saying things like 'Ooh, you look really nice' and 'That haircut really suits you'. He tells the barman about it who says 'Just ignore it, it's the peanuts, they're complimentary'. “Did you hear about the ice cream man, he was found dead in his ice cream van, Covered in chocolate sauce and hundreds and thousands?” The police said that he had ?topped? himself “Sadie's husband Jake has been sliping in and out of a coma for several month, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night. One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. He says, "My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were stil by my side. You know what, Sadie?" "What dear?" she asked gently. "I think you're bad luck." Inventions today: it's reported that a new kind of pillowcase has been invented, made out of corduroy. It's making headlines Q: Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? A: Peer pressure. “Give a man a fish and he will eat for day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!” “An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read:"Sir, sorry to Inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the eke and attached to her rear was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise" The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re--‐bait the trap" “Two spiders ere playing football in a saucer. One says to the other: "I'm getting really bored with this." The other says: "Don't worry, we're playing in the cup next week." “ why can't you milk a mouse? 'coos you can't get a bucket under it” "This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I'll never forget that game of cards.." Anon” “An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentle men were talking, and one said, "Last night ,we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What was the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finaly said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?? You know... the one that is red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?""Yes," the man said. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?" What's red and sits in the corner? A naughty bus! What's yellow and can't water-ski? A bulldozer “A man commits suicide. In one of his pockets, the police find an envelope. Inside the envelope is a note that reads: "What are you looking in here for?" “What do you call a dry parrot? Polyunsaturated” This guy is walking past a wooden fence. On the other side of the fence is an asylum. The inmates are all screaming at the tops of their lungs, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen" The guy notices a small hole in the fence and his curiosity naturally gets the beter of him. He takes a peek and a finger suddenly pops out and jabs him in the eye. He yells in pain as the inmates start shouting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen

Funny English Jokes

“For a laugh three French soldiers put mustard in their ears from then on they are called the three mustard ears!!!” Why do Marxists like fruit infusions? Because all proper tea is theft! “What did the bird say as it flew over ASDA? Cheap Cheap There are 3 wives who want to decide what to wear. First one says ,my husband has black hair I will wear black deer. Second says my husband hair is grey and I will wear a grey dres and the third one gets woried and starts panicking. When asked she tells the other two that her husband is bald so she would have to wear nothing to the party. “Three budgies in a cage, one on the top perch, one on the midle and one on the bottom perch. Which Budgie owns the cage? The one on the botom perch, the other two are on higher perches” What will Postman Pat be called when he retires? Pat A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, My dogs cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for it? "Well", said the vet, "Let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up by the ears and has a gud luk at its eyes. "Well," Says the vet, "I'm going to have” What was born to succeed? A budgie with a blunt beak. “what do you call a fly with no wings?” A walk. “What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?” Pat “Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?” He was dead “George Howard, the man famous for writing the Hokey Polky died last week. They had a horrible time at the funeral parlor, first they put his left leg in....” “A pork Pie walks into a Pub and says 'Ill have a pint please' ,to which the landlord replies --‐ 'sorry we don’t serve food' “A little boy mouse goes into a music shop and asks for a mouse--‐organ. The shopkeper says: "That's a coincidence, we had a little girl mouse in here yesterday, asking for the same thing." The mouse replies: "That must have been our Monica.” A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4,haddar keyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft--‐spoken, and is good to the children." The next--‐door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yeah, but who wants HIM back? “Two Bears in an airing cupboard, which one is in the army ? The one on the tank! boom Boom” Joan, the town gosip and supervisor of the town's morals, recently acused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar. George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all nigh.

Funny English Jokes

A man walking down the strets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite", the man replies "No my dog doesn't" The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man. "That’s not my dog", replied the other. “What's the diference between a shopping trolley and a University vice chancellor?” You fill them both up with as much food and alcohol you can, but it's only the shopping trolley that has a mind of its own. “How do you catch a polar bear?” You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea, you kick it in the ice hole. “The doctor says to the patient, "You're in excellent health you'll live to be 90." The patient replies, "But Doctor, I am 90" The doctor responds, "Well, that's it, then." “How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one but the light bulb really has to want to change” “What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabit hole?” Hot cross bunnies “Did you hear about the termite who walked into an all wooden bar and asked, "Is the bartender here?" “A skeleton walks into a pub and says, "Pint of bitter and a mop” “Why did Ludwig v. Beethoven kil1 43 why don't polar bears eat penguins?” Because they can't get the wrapers off... his two ducks? They wouldn't stop saying "Bach Bach" all the time “What is green and if it were to fall from a tree would kill you?” A Smoker table “Doctor, I can’t pronounce my F?s, T?s and H?s.? Well you can’t say fairer than that then? “A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.” “What do baby apes slip in?” Apricots! “Two hunters were walking through the woods. Suddenly, a naked lady steped out of the brush and said, "I'm game!", so they shot her.” “How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It.” “ Why was tiger looking in the toilet? To find pooh” “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the roster on the other side.” “What fizzy drink does a frog drink? Coca cola”

Funny English Jokes

“A drummer gets fed up with all the comments denying he's a real musician, and so he decides to learn some new instruments. He visits his local Music shop, and spends an hour loking around and deliberating. "Right" He says, after an age. "Ill have the shiny red one, and the acordion thing over there". "I'll do you a deal" ays the Music Shop Manager, "You can but the fire extinguisher, but the radiator is staying where it is" “What do you get if you lie, face down under a cow?” A PAT ON THE BACK “How did the elephant get on the tree? Sat on an acorn and waited for it to grow. How did the elephant get off the tree? Sat on a leaf and waited till Autumn.” “What’s a cannibal favorite game? Swallow my leader” “If a fly and a flee pass each other what time is it? Fly past flee!” “.Why was the Egyptian girl worried?” Because her Daddy was a mummy “How many psychoanalysts are needed to change a light bulb?” One is enough, but the bulb must want to change, and it can take years. “What is Big, Red & eats Rocks?” A big red rock eater “If a wheel falls off a bus while traveling down a river, how long will it take to shingle a dog house?” None, because there's no bones in cotage chese “Matt: I got a set of golf clubs for my wife.” Ben: Nice trade. “Two guys were walking on the street when one of them says: "I've realized that my wife is an angel." "Mine isn't human, either", said the second.” “Two nuns were traveling through Europe in their car.” They get to Transylvania and are stoped at a traffic light. Sudenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshieldant to change, and it can take years Q: Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because he was dead. Q: Why did the second monkey fal out of the tree? A: Because he was tied to the first monkey. Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A: Monkey see, monkey do. “Our supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy repackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. "Don't worry, lady," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shoping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store." “ a dog comes into a bar and asks for a beer the bartender, a litle surprised serves the dog the beer the dog drinks the beer and asks for the bill "it'll be 10 $" says the bartender the dog pays and is leaving through the door when the bartender says "it is not usual to have dogs here drinking" the dog hears and answers "for 10 dollars a beer no dog can keep drinking here"

Funny English Jokes

"Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?" "What kind of pig can you ignore at a party?" A wild bore. "What kind of murderer has fiber?" cereal killer. "When is a vet busiest?" When its raining cats and dogs! "What is the diference between illegal and unlawful?" One is against the law and the other is a sick bird. "What's the diference between a rainstorm and a lion with a tooth ace" One pours with rain and the other roars with pain. "How many ears did Davy Crocket have? Thre." A left ear, a right ear, and a wild front ear. "Where does Kylie get her kibabs from?" ....Jasons Donervan “Jesus Christ walks up to an angry mob that is stoning a harlot. He steps into the fray and calls out in a commanding voice: "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Shamefaced, the crowd stops and begins to slink away. Suddenly, a woman shrieks, "Stone her!", and the mob starts again with the frenzied stoning. Christ, chagrined, goes to the woman and says: "Damn it, Mom, I hate it when you do that.” “Why did the Koala fall out of the tree.” Because it was dead! “Why did the Kookaburra fall out of the tree” Because it was hit by a falling dead Koala “Why do Kangaroo's jump” To miss all the dead Koala's. “What can you tell when your drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?” The stage is level. “A drummer gets fed up with all the comments denying he's a real musician, and so he decides to learn some new instruments. He visits his local Music shop, and spends an hour looking around and deliberating. "Right!" He says, after an age. "I'll have the shiny red one, and the accordion thing over there". "I'll do you a deal" ays the Music Shop Manager, "You can but the fire extinguisher, but the radiator is staying where it is" “A brain and a set of jump leads walk into a bar, "two pints of beer please barman" asks the brain "sory guys can't serve you tonight" replies the barman "why not" asks the brain because you're out your head and he's likely to start some thing" “There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was siting by his side. His eyes flutered open and he said, You’re beautiful" and then he ell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes flutered open and he said "You're cute" Well, the wife was disapointed because instead of “beautiful" it was "cute." She said, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

25 Best Santa Banta Jokes

1. santa aur Banta ke bich mai fight ho rahi thi Banta:- Sale mai tere kapde phad k tujhe nanga kar dunga Santa:- Dekh serious ladai mai romantic baat mat kar 2. Jaj : Suna hai pichale 10 saal se tumne apni biwi ko dara dhamka k rakha hai. Santa : Par Janab Jaj : Safai ki jarurat nahi bas itna batao ye tumne kiya kaise 3. santa 2 doctor-apne kaha tha ki subah khelne se sehat thik rehti hai pr muje to koi fark nai pada? Doctor :- konsa game khelte ho? Santa :- mobile mai snake wala 4. Santa pe bijli ka taar gir gaya Santa tarap -2 ke marne hi wala tha ki use yaad aya ki bijli to 2 din se band hai 5. Banta:- Pareshan lag rahe ho Santa:- Yaar baap ban ne wala hu Banta:- Yeh to khushi ki baat hai Santa:- Lekin biwi ko nhi pata 6. Santa in coffee shop with wife santar:- Jaldi pee coffee thandi ho jaye gi Wife:- Ki frak painda hai Srdar: Pagal Rate List dekh Hot coffee Rs.15 Cold coffee.45 7. Train Chali, Santa 1 Dibbe Mai Char Gaye.. TT Bola:- Kyun paa g nazar nhe aate ye ladies ka dibba Hai Santa Ji:- Sorry g mere ko laga aap mard ho 8. Santa Ne Bhagte Huye Bus Pakdi aur Driver Se Pucha. Bus teri Maa lagti he? Nahi. Behen? Nahi. Biwi? Nahi. To kamine PAKDNE kyo nhi deta 9. Santa Kadi:- Chaawal kha raha tha. Khate-2 ek Makkhi khane pe baithne lagi. SANTA:- Use udate hue bola chal pagli ye wo nahi hai jo tu samajh rahi hai 10. Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya. Santa: Ye 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya? Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai? Santa: 3 mahine. Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko? Santa: 3 mahine. Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua? Santa: 3 mahine baad. Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye? Santa: Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye! time ka pata hi nahi laga? Ha Ha Ha 11. Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Santa use ghur raha tha Wife romantic hokar kuch karne ka irada hai kya? Santa 2 thappad maar ke bola mere garm pani se kyu nahay. 12. Santa ke lips jale hue the Banta: Kaise jale Santa: Wife ko railway steation drop krne gaya tha. Banta: To? Santa: Khushi ke mare. Train ke engine ko chum liya. 13. Santa: CHADDI lelo CHADDI.. Girl: Tumhe sharm nhi aati, kya gande shabd bol rahe ho koi dusre naam se bolo . . . Santa: OK! POND ke KHOL lelo POND ke KHOL 14. Santa apni girl friend ko ‘I Love U’ kehta hai aur gir jata hai. Girl frnd: Yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa: I’m falling in love. 15. Santa: Docter shab mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakunga? Doc: Haan Haan bilkul Kyo Nhi. Santa: To phir theek hai Docter shab varna Anpad admi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi Nhi. 16. Lady Docter :- Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghorte ho? Santa: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai :- Auraton ko dekhne ka samy 9 Se 11 AM. 17. Banta: Yaar teri wife ki maut ka bada afsoos hua vaise hua kya tha? Santa: Goli lagi thi mathe main. Banta: Waheguru ji ka shukar kar ke ankh bach gayi. 18.Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? Because they advertised "Free Delivery" 19. In exam hall a girl to santa:- Mujhe bas is ans ki starting bata do baki main likh lungi. SANTA:- Ne dhyan se idhar-udhar dekha or fir dhire se bola "The" 20. Wife: I am Pregnant. Santa: Par main to england me tha Wife: Aapki photo thi na Santa: Ullu mat bana **** kamini photo to kamar tak hi thi 21. Kidnapper phone par:- Teri biwi mere kabze mein hai. Saboot ke taur par uski do ungliyan bhijwa di hain Santa: Sabut paka nahi hai Mundi bhej Mundi Sale. 22. Santa: Yaar ye bata is duniya me kitne desh hai Banta: Are pagal is duniya me ek hi to desh hai Jiska naam india hai, Baki to sab videsh hai. 23. Santa:- Apni biwi k office gaya to usne dekha k uski biwi boss ki godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi. Santa:- Chal Jeeto aisi jagah kaam nahi karna jahan staff k liye kursi bhi na ho. 24. Santa Newspaper padh raha tha. Banta: Koi Nayi khabar hai kya? Santa: Ye kya U.P. ko char hiso mein kar diya jayega. Banta: Jis Ghar mein Aurat ki chlti hai yahi hota hai. 25. Santa to Banta:- Yaar Sir ka msg aaya hai ki Aaj extra class hogi kya karu Banta: Message sending fail likh ke bhej de.

Sweet Good Morning SMS

1. Ugta hua suraj dua de apko Khilta hua phool khushbo de apko Hum to kuch bhi dene ke kabil nahi Denewala hazar khushiyan de apko… 2. Baharo ka sama hota hai apke ane se Phool khilte hai aapki aahat se Jyada mat soiye janab Kyo ki Har subah hoti hai apke MUSKURANE se Good Morning 3. G- od O- offers us O- utstanding D- votion to M- ake us O- bedient & R- eady for N- ew day to I- nitiate N- ew aim for the G- lory of life Good Morning HAVE A NICE DAY! 4. A Morning is a wonderful blessing Either Cloudy or Honey It stands for hope Giving us another start of what we call life. Good Morning ang Have a Nice Day 5. A good morning creates a good mood A good mood creates a good work A good work creates a good day A good day make u happy Ur happiness make me happy. Gud Morning 6. Open Ur Shoni Shoni Eyes So The Sun Can Rise Flowers Can Blossom Birds Can Sing Bcoz All Are Waitng 2 see Ur Sweet Sweet See SMILE Have a Nice Day and Good Morning 7. Sweet sweet Morning Cold cold climate Hot hot Tea A little heart beat says very Good Morning! 8. Knock Knock May I come into Ur world? I bring no flowers no cakes But wishes to keep you fresh Prayer to keep you healthy And love to keep you smiling Good Morning 9.Twinkle twinkle lazy star kitna soyega uth ja yar up above the world so high Sun has risen in the sky uth ke jaldi peele chai then call me and say hi Good Morning 10. Ram yug mein doodh mila… Krishna yug mein ghee… Kalyug mein chai mili… Fook mar mar ke pee. GOOD MORNING & Have a Nice Day 11. Happiness keeps you sweet Trials make you strong Sorrows keep you human Failure make you humble Success keeps you glowing God keeps you going Have a Nice Day Sweet Good Morning 12. Change is nature of life But challenge is aim of life So you have to challenge the changes Not change the challanges GOOD MORNING 13. Suraj ke bina subah nahi hoti, Chand ke bina raat nahi hoti, Badal ke bina barsat nahi hoti, Aapki yaad ke bina din ki shuruwat nahi hoti Happy Good Morning 14. Mausam ki bahar achi ho Pholon ki kaliya kachi ho Hmare ye rishte sache ho Rab tere se bus 1 dua h, Ki mere yaar ki hr subaah achhi ho Very Happy Good Morn!ng 15. Subah hote hi jab duniya abad hoti hai Ankh khulte hi aapki yad hoti hai Khushiyon ke phol ho apke anchal mei Ye mere honthon pe pehli fariyaad hoti hai GOOD MORNING 16. We’re not too close in distance We’re not too near in miles But text can still touch our hearts and Thoughts can bring us smiles Good Morning Have a Nice day 17. Har subah ki dhup kuch yaad dilati hai Har Mahekti khushboo ek jadu jagati hai Zindagi kitni b busy ku na ho Par subah subah apno ki yad dilati hai Good Morning 18. Lovely Morning Colorful Noon Joyful Evening Peaceful Night Bee Happy Its a Wonderful Day Waiting 4 You. Have a Nice Day 19. An Ideal Day should begin with A Cute litle yown on ur Face A Cup of Coffee in ur Hand An SMS 4m me on ur mobile? Have a Nice Day GooD Morning 20. Some flowers Grow best in the Sun Others do well in the Shade God always knows What is best for you Puts u where we grow best. Good Morning