How many surrealists
does it take to change a light bulb?
2 - 1 to hold
the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
How do telephones
get married? They just give each other a ring.
Three vampires are itting at a bar. Bartender asks the first one what
he wants."I think I'll have a glass of blood." Okay, what'll you have?" he asks the second
vampire. "That sounds good. I'll have a glass of lood too." "And what can I get for you?"
he asks the third vampire. "I'll have a glass of lasma" said the third vampire. "Okay,"
said the bartender, "That's two bloods and a blood light, then.
An engineer,
a physicist, and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The engineer looks
out the window and sees a black sheep. He comments, "Look, they have black
sheep in Scotland". Then physicist looks and comments, "From this observation,
we can only say there is at least one black sheep in Scotland."The mathematician
then looks and comments, "Actually, from this we can only say there is at least
one sheep in Scotland hat's black on one side.
A polar bear
walks into a bar and the barman says, "what would you like to drink?".
The polar bear hangs his head and sighs deeply need then says "I'll have a pint
of bitter barman". The barman looks at the bear and says "why the big
paws?
A proton, neutron,
and electron walk into a bar. The proton orders a drink, and asks how much it costs.
The bartender says, "five dollars." Next, the electron orders a drink
and asks how much it costs. Again the bartender says, "five dollars."
Finally the neutron orders a drink and asks how much it costs. The bartender says,
"for you, there is no charge.
What does an
agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac do?
Stays up all
night wondering if there is a Dog.
A little baby
mouse is walking hand in hand together with her
other. Suddenly a bat comes flying in the air. The little mouse point's at
the bat saying: Look ammy, an angel
How many surrealists
does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to do
it, and another to hold the fish.
A woman has twin
boys and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt, and is named
"Amah." The other goes to a family in Spain and is named "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mom. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amah. Her
husband responds, "But they are identical wins. If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Amah.
Knock k
nock. Who's there?
B uh -B uh who?
Don't be sad
Two pieces of
tarmac go into a pub and boast to the barman about how hard they are, We're motorway
us." Then another piece of tarmac enters and the first two hide under a able.
"What's wrong?" says the barman, "I thought you were really
hard? "We are," they say, "but he's a cycle path.
A guy walks up
to the receptionist in the Psychiatrist’s office and says "I'm the Invisible
man and I'd like to talk to the Doctor" She pokes her head into the Psychiatrist’s office and says there is a man
here who wants to talk to you and he claims he's the Invisible man. The psychiatrist
replies Tell him can't see him right now.
Two atoms
are walking down the road. One says to the other, "OH NO! I just dropped
an electron!" "Are you sure?" asks his friend. "Yes"
he replies "I'm
POSITIVE!
Why does an elephant
paint its nails red?
A: so it won't
be noticed between the strawberries. Does it work? Well...ever seen an elephant
between the strawberries?
A man on a business trip is staying in a high rise hotel with a bar on the top floor. After
checking in and seeing his room, he decides to go upstairs. There's only one other
patron in the bar. The businessman orders a drink and then watches in surprise as
the other patron quickly eats an orange, chugs his beer, and jumps out the window.
A minute later, the man returns. The businessman is shocked to see him again eat
an orange, chug his beer and then jump out the window. When the man returns a third
time, the businessman decides he can do this, too. He eats an orange, chugs his
beer, then jumps out the window to his death. The bartender turns to the man and
says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk.
What do you call
a mushroom at a disco?
A fun guy
How many surrealists
does it take to change a light bulb?
Two, one to do it, and another to hold the fish.
A man is driving
down the road when he gets pulled over by a copper. The copper draws a circle on
the floor and asks the man to stand in it. While the man stands in the circle, the
copper gets out a hammer and smashes the cars headlights. The copper turns around
and sees the man laughing! So the copper goes and smashes each of the cars windows.
The copper turns around again and ees the man laughing even harder! The frustrated
copper then shouts to the man, "What
the hell you finding so funny??" The
man replies, "Every time you turned around, i've been jumping in and out of
this circle!
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