Two
cannibals are sitting around eating a clown. One clown says to the other,
"Does this
Taste funny
to you?
Why did the
koala fall out of the tree?
Because it
was dead
Why did the
second koala fall out of the tree?
Because it
was holding on to the first koala.
What lies on
the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous
wreck.
“Why did the
third koala fall out of the tree?”
Because he
thought it was a game.
Why did the
little boy fall off his bike?
Because he
was hit by three koalas.
What's ET
short for?
Because he's
got little legs.
AN aardvark
walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face.
A neutron
walks into a bar, and says "Give me a beer." The bartender says Hey!
Neutron! For you--‐ no charge!
A worried
man goes to see his priest. Father, I am worried. I think that my wife is
trying to poison me. Said the priest: Hold on my son, let me talk to your wife
and come back to see me tomorrow, then I shall be able to give you some advice.
The following day the man aging to his priest who tells him: Well my son, I have
talked to your wife for nearly two hours. My advise to you is :Take the poison
A piece of
straight, clean string goes into a bar and orders a gin and tonic. The barman
serves the drink, the string downs it and walks out. Ten minutes later a dirty,
twisted, ragged piece of string walks into the bar. "Here --‐ are you that
piece of string that was here ten minutes ago?" asks the barman --‐ No replies
the string "I'm a frayed knot.
what did the
grape say when the elephant trod on it?
Nothing, it
just gave a little wine.
Did you hear
about the Hamster found dead in his cage?.... Apparently he fell asleep at the wheel!
Why is Tolerance
triangular? A. So it will fit in the box.
What do otters
say when they get stuck in seawid?? Kelp! Kelp!
One afternoon
a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom ass horse and had
a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch.
His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing.
She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then
asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid
of the dark and didn't want to gout to
get the broom. His mother smiled and said 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'.
The little boy opened the back door a little and said 'Lord if you're out there,
hand me the brom.
A Victor was
out playing golf with is good friend John. After a few holes John was getting frustrated
as he was not that good a golfer. Finally when he missed an easy putt he blurted
out, "Damn, I missed the bugger. The Victor said, "Now John, you must
be careful as God may punish you if you say that gain." On the next hole the
Victor staid close to John offering quiet support. As John missed an even easier
putt he shouted "Damn, I missed the bugger!" Suddenly a there was a large
lap of thunder and a lightning bolt pierced the air and killed the Victor. And a
voice from the sky said, "Damn, I missed the bugger!
Mum: Come on,
John, eat your breakfast; you`ll be late for school. John: I don`t want to go to
school .The teachers don`t like me, the children don`t like me even the caretaker doesn’t like me! Mum; All the same, you must go.
John: Why should I go? Mum: Well, for one thing you`re forty five years old,
and for another you’re the headmaster.
A teacher was
taking her class for a walk in the woods. "Now Mary, “she said. "What
do you call the outside of a tree?! "I don`t miss, “said Mary. "Bark,
you silly girl, “said the teacher."Bark!"Oh all right then, “said Mary.
"Woof-Woof!
Did you hear
about the cowboy who got caught shoplifting?”
He got two rehears!
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